IREE  WISE  FOOLS 

JSTIN  STRONG 


FRENDfcSftNDAR 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  WEST  45th  St.,  New  York 


MRS.  PARTRIDGE  PRESENTS 

Comedy  in  3  aeta.  By  Mary  Kennedy  and  Ruth  Haw 
Aorne.  6  males,  6  females.  Modern  costumes.  2  interiors, 
Plays  2%  hours. 

The  characters,  scenes  and  situations  are  thoroughly  up-to- 
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Struggle  to  give  the  children  the  opportur  b.erself  had 

missed,  and  the  children's  ultimate  revolt  against  her  well-meant 
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offer  numerous  opportunities  for  the  development  of  the  comi< 
possibilities  in  the  theme. 

The  play  is  one  of  the  most  delightful,  yet  thought-provoking 
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IN  THE   NEXT   ROOM 

Melodrama  in  3   acts.     By   Eleanor  Bobson  and    H, 
Ford.     8  males,  3  females.     2  interiors.     Modern  costumes 
Plays  2t/4  hours. 

"Philip   Vantine  has   bought  a  rare  copy   of  an  original 
cabinet  and  ordered  it  shipped  to  his  New  York  home  from  Pari* 
When   it   arrives    it   is   found    to    be    the   original    itself,    the   pos 
session  of  which  is  desired  by  many  strar.i-  Before  th<t 

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up,   two  persons   meet   mysterious   death   fooling    with    it  and    th* 
happiness  of  many  otherwise  happy  actors  is  threatened"    ' 
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Price,  75  Cent* 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  Olty 
New  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  ou  R*qne*t 


Three  Wise  Fools 

A  COMEDY  IN  THREE  ACTS 

BY 
AUSTIN  STRONG 


COPYRIGHT,  1919,  BY  AUSTIN  STRONG,  WINCHELL  SMITH  AND 
JOHN  L.  GOLDEN 


All  Rights  Reserved 


CAUTION:  Professionals  and  amateurs  are  hereby 
warned  that  "THREE  WISE  FOOLS,"  being  fully 
protected  under  the  copyright  laws  of  the  United 
States,  Great  Britain  and  Canada,  is  subject  to  a 
royalty,  and  anyone  presenting  the  play  without  the 
consent  of  the  owners  or  their  authorized  agents  will 
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teur  acting  rights  of  this  play  are  strictly  reserved 
and  amateur  performances  may  not  be  given  any 
where  without  permission  first  having  been  obtained 
in  writing  from  SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street, 
New  York  City.  For  professional  productions,  write 
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City.  All  unauthorized  performances  will  be  prose 
cuted. 


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SAMUEL  FRENCH 

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THREE  WISE  FOOLS 


ACT   I 

SCENE  :  The  living-room  in  an  old  house  on  North 
Washington  Square.  A  distinguished  room — 
distinguished  in  its  simplicity.  The  room  is 
richly  but  discreetly  furnished,  showing  rare 
restraint  and  good  taste.  What  few  things  there 
are  reflect  knowledge  and  breeding. 

The  furniture  is  well  worn  by  honorable  use — early 
Victorian  and  very  complete. 

Double  mahogany  sliding  doors  center — leading  to  a 
spacious  dining-room  rear. 

Door  rear  R.  leads  into  the  front  hall — where  we  get 
a  glimpse  of  a  fine  old  cabinet  and  portrait. 

Window  R.  with  heavy  brocaded  curtains. 

Stairway  at  L.  rear — first  landing  leading  to  library 
door — the  stairway  then  turns  to  R.  and  leads 
up  to  second  landing,  where  a  door  faces  audi 
ence  leading  to  the  upper  hall. 

Fireplace  L. — betzveen  fireplace  and  stainvay — a  door 
leading  to  the  servants'  quarters. 

Sofa  before  fireplace — small  horsehair  settee  in  front 
of  table. 

Behind  sofa,  round  mahongany  table  on  which  is  an 
old-fashioned  globe  lamp  with  hanging  crys 
tals.  Telephone,  magazines  and  evening  papers 
are  also  on  this  table.  Card-table  center.  Arm 
chair  L.  Small  table  with  another  glass  globe 
lamp. 

5 


6  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

Between  hall  door  and  dining-room — a  small  cabinet 
full  of  books — an  old  family  album. 

A  grandfather's  clock  stands  at  foot  of  stairs  and 
ticks  their  lives  away.  A  bell-cord  hangs  L.  of 
the  double  doors. 

DISCOVERED  :  The  curtain  rises  disclosing  THEODORE 
FINDLEY,  the  senior  partner  of  Findley  &  Co., 
Bankers,  seated  at  the  small  green-covered  card- 
table  in  the  center  of  the  stage,  facing  front. 
He  is  strong,  powerful,  with  a  fine  head  of  white 
hair. 

He  is  laying  out  a  game  of  patience  from  a  double 
pack  of  miniature  playing  cards,  with  the  same 
deliberation  he  has  laid  out  his  life  and  affairs. 
He  is  whistling  as  he  plays  an  old-fashioned 
tune. 

DR.  RICHARD  GAUNT,  the  brain  specialist  and  mem 
ber  of  the  Rockefeller  Institute,  is  seated  on  the 
sofa  extreme  L.,  before  the  fire,  reading  a  medi 
cal  journal.  His  back  is  toward  FINDLEY  and 
he  sits  in  a  circle  of  light  from  the  standing 
lamp.  He  also  is  of  late  middle  age — thin,  dis 
tinguished,  polished.  He  has  all  the  grace,  poise 
and  repose  of  manner  which  comes  with  the 
mastery  of  his  profession.  He  has  the  surgeon's 
hands,  beautiful  in  line  and  strength.  He  ^vears 
the  red  ribbon  of  the  Legion  of  Honor  in  his 
buttonhole.  Both  are  in  snowy  linen,  as  they 
always  dress  for  dinner,  even  when  they  dine 
alone — which  is  the  rule. 

( FINDLEY  whistles  his  ancient  tune,  as  GRAY  enters 
L.,  picks  u-p  the  telephone  from  round  table  L. 
of  c.,  speaking  as  he  does  so.) 

GRAY.  Mr.  Findley.  (FINDLEY  glares  at  him 
over  his  glasses.)  One  of  the  men  from  your  office 
wants  to  talk  to  you  on  the  telephone. 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  / 

FINDLEY.  (Whistles  for  some  tune,  then  speaks) 
I've  gone  to  bed. 

GRAY.  (In  telephone)  Hello!  Mr.  Findley  has 
gone  out  for  the  evening,  sir !  (Exits  L.,  closing 
door  softly  after  him.) 

FINDLEY.  (Looking  up  from  his  game  of  pa 
tience,  finds  his  cigar  unlighted.  Looks  for  matches 
on  table — then  under  it — fusses  about.)  I  say,  Dick, 
have  you  seen  the  matches  ?  (Frowns  at  DR.«GAUNT, 
who  pays  no  attention — then  in  a  loud  voice)  I  say 
— have  you  seen  the  matches?  (DOCTOR  says  noth 
ing.  FINDLEY  nods  assent  as  if  he'd  been  answered.) 
Aha!  (Fumbles  about  helplessly.)  I  had  them 
here  somewhere!  (DR.  GAUNT  hears  nothing,  en 
grossed  in  his  journal.  FINDLEY  searches  among 
his  pockets,  looks  under  the  table,  knitting  his  mass 
ive  brows  in  thought.)  Now!  I  could  have  sworn 
I  laid  those  matches  right  here  on  the — er — on  the — 

er (Lays  his  hand  down  on  the  corner  of  the 

table  and  right  on  the  matches.  Gives  a  sheepish 
glance  at  the  DOCTOR  and  lights  his  cigar — slamming 
down  the  matches.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Sighs  with  obvious  satisfaction 
over  paper)  A — ah — good  ! 

FINDLEY.  (Cigar  between  his  teeth — as  he  con 
tinues  his  game)  What's  the  matter  with  you  ? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (As  he  reads)  Oh,  nothing — at  least 
nothing  you  could  understand ! 

FINDLEY.  (Growling)  I  think  I  can  understand 
anything  you  can  understand! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Hardly,  I'm  reading  from  a  medical 
journal ! 

FINDLEY.  Umph!  I  should  think,  after  cutting 
people  up  all  day  and  lecturing  about  their  brains, 
the  last  thing  you'd  want  to  read  would  be  a  medical 
journal. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (With  a  smile)  On  the  contrary. 
(Turning  to  FINDLEYJ  I  confess  to  enjoying  my- 


8  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

self  immoderately.  (Turns  back  to  his  reading  with 
pardonable  pride.)  Er — I'm  reading  one  of  my  own 
articles!  (Pause.)  I  call  it  the  Unburied  Dead. 

FINDLEY.    The  Unburied  Dead. 

DR.  GAUNT.  The  "Unburied  Dead,"  or  "A  Psy 
cho-Analysis  of  Mental  Grooves,"  and  I  contend — 

(MRS.  SAUNDERS  enters  D.L.J 

FINDLEY.  (With  a  shrug)  I  don't  want  to  hear 
any  more. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (To  himself)  All  right!  (They 
continue  as  before.  MRS.  SAUNDERS  stands  at  a 
respectful  distance  on  FINDLEY'S  left.  He  continues 
his  whistling.  Then  looks  up  at  her — annoyed.) 
What  is  it,  Saunders? 

SAUNDERS.  (Calmly,  with  a  calmness  born  of 
many  years)  The  silver  lists,  sir.  (Hands  him 
small  red  book.  He  takes  it  and  throws  it  down 
wearily.)  The  weekly  accounts.  (Hands  him  a 
small  black  book.  He  takes  it  ^inth  a  savage  frown,) 

FINDLEY.     I'll  look  them  over  later. 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.  Yes,  sir.  (She  starts  to  go  L.— 
he  stops  her.) 

FINDLEY.     Saunders. 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.    (Coming  back)    Yes,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  Has  the  corn-meal  from  the  farm  run 
out? 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.    No,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  Then  why  didn't  the  cook  give  us 
Johnny  cakes  for  breakfast  this  morning? 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.  I  thought  you'd  like  a  change, 
Mr.  Findley! 

FINDLEY.  (Turning  on  her)  Saunders,  how 
many  times  have  I  got  to  tell  you  that  we  don't  like 
change  in  this  house.  We  are  three  men  of  settled 
habits — we  don't  want  innovations.  (Picks  up 
cards.)  I  am  the  housekeeper  here — not  you !  You 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  9 

have  my   complete  list  of   the   meals?     (Resumes 
game.) 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.  (Calmly — for  she  goes  through 
this  every  evening  of  her  life)  Yes,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  (Plays  and  smokes  savagely)  Then 
stick  to  them ! 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.  (Long  pause)  Is  that  all — 
Mr.  Findley? 

FINDLEY.  No — that's  not  all.  (Turns  in  his  chair 
— glaring  at  her.)  The  next  time  you  engage  a  serv 
ant,  Saunders,  don't  go  to  a  lunatic  asylum!  (The 
doctor  listens  and  smiles  as  he  reads.)  That  new 
maid  is  a  dumb-head ! 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.     (Shocked)     Mr.  Findley! 

FINDLEY.  (Roaring  at  her)  What  does  she  do 
with  my  bed-slippers? 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.    I  don't  know,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  (Turning  again  at  her — loud  in  ivrath) 
Well,  I  can  tell  you — (the  doctor  turns  and  listens) 
— what  she  does  with  them.  She  hides  them — (the 
doctor  smiles) — she  hides  them  on  purpose !  I  had 
to  crawl  under  the  bed  on  my  hands  and  knees  this 
morning  for  ten  minutes,  and  then  I  didn't  find  'em ! 
(The  doctor  chuckles.)  I  had  to  go  to  the  bathroom 
barefooted !  (The  doctor  laughs.  FINDLEY  turns 
on  him.)  Barefooted!  (FINDLEY  fairly  shouts  this 
at  the  doctor.)  Saunders,  I  won't  stand  for  it- 
give  her  a  good  calling  down — fine  her — discipline 
her — (the  doctor  turns  front  and  listens) — give  it 
to  her  hot ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh,  come,  she'll  never  be  any  good. 
(Rises,  goes  up  to  R.  of  SAUNDERS  and  gives  her  a 
confidential  wink.)  Saunders,  you  better  have  done 
with  her  on  the  spot  and  discharge  her. 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.  (Wearily)  Just  as  you  say,  gen 
tlemen  !  (Looks  at  the  doctor,  and  seeing  his  wink, 
smiles.) 

FINDLEY.      (Grumbling — shamefacedly — the  doc- 


io  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

tor  turns  again  to  SAUNDERS  and  smiles — she  smiles 
back  at  him.)  No — no — no — don't  discharge  her! 
It'll  only  mean  we'll  get  a  worse  one.  Bad  as  she  is, 
I've  got  used  to  her. 

DR.  GAUNT.    Oh,  you  better  not  have  her  around. 

FINDLEY.  (Snarling  up  again)  Not  have  her 
around?  Why,  that  girl  supports  her  mother! 
What's  the  matter  with  you,  Dick — you  haven't  any 
heart !  (Sternly)  That'll  do,  Saunders ! 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.    Yes,  sir!     (Exits  ~L.) 

(The  doctor  watches  FINDLEY,  then  goes  to  the 
round  table  L.  GRAY  enters  through  sliding 
doors  from  the  dining-room  c. — after  FIND- 
LEY  whistles.  The  doctor  compares  his  watch 
with  the  grandfather's  clock — noting  exact  time 
of  GRAY'S  entrance. 

(GRAY  carries  silver  tray  on  which  are  a  small  carafe 
of  water,  a  medicine  bottle,  a  measured  medi 
cine  glass,  and  a  glass  spoon.  Pie  places  this 
on  small  serving-table  to  R.  of  FTNDLEY.  The 
doctor  turns,  watching  GRAY.  Exit  GRAY  c. 
FINDLEY  looks  at  GRAY  bringing  on  medicine, 
then  takes  out  watch — glares  rear  at  GRAY  and 
then  lays  watch  on  table — continues  game.  The 
doctor  watches  this  with  quiet  amusement. 
FINDLEY  gives  an  occasional  glance  at  the  min 
ute  hand.  The  doctor  watches  and  a  thought 
strikes  him.  He  tiptoes  up  LV  back  of  FIND- 
LEY  to  the  table  and  quietly  steals  the  glass 
spoon,  returning  to  fireplace  L.,  above  sofa. 

(FINDLEY  again  examines  his  watch.  Is  satisfied 
the  fatal  moment  has  arrived,  snaps  it  shut,  puts 
it  back  in  his  pocket,  whistles,  shakes  bottle, 
carefully  holds  up  measuring-glass  and  with  in 
finite  care  pours  in  the  medicine — to  the  exact 
mark.  He  then  adds  water  from  the  carafe  and 
feels  for  the  spoon.) 


II 

FINDLEY.  (With  a  growl)  Umph !  (Looks  about 

the  table — then  on  floor.)  What  in  the  name  of 

(The  doctor  lau-ghs  and  rises  during  FINDLEY'S 
speech,  crosses  to  L.  of  him,  laying  his  journal  on 
the  round  table  as  he  passes  it.)  What's  come  over 
the  servants  in  this  house — that  fool  Gray  has  for 
gotten  the  spoon — the  spoon !  Of  all  the  amazing 
idiots ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Calmly  producing  the  spoon — and 
handing  it  to  FINDLEY)  Here's  your  spoon.  I  took 
it! 

FINDLEY.  (Turning  on  him,  amazed,  glaring  at 
him  over  his  glasses)  You  took  it What  for? 

DR.  GAUNT.  To  prove  a  point  in  my  thesis  here 
on  the  "Unburied  Dead" !  (Indicates  magazines  on 
table  and  laughs.)  Teddy — you're  one  of  'em! 

FINDLEY.     What  ? 

DR.  GAUNT.  For  two  years  at  exactly  8.45 — Gov 
ernment  time — your  right  hand  has  reached  for  that 
spoon.  ( FINDLEY  starts  to  drink)  For  two  years 
at  8.46  you  have  swallowed  that  medicine — (Then 
FINDLEY  drinks) — and  for  two  years  it  hasn't  done 
you  the  least  bit  of  good ! 

FINDLEY.  (Splutters  over  his  drink  half  swal 
lowed)  Well,  you  prescribed  it ! 

DR.  GAUNT.     Two  years  ago. 

FINDLEY.  (After  an  anxious  look  at  bottle)  Oh ! 
Then  you  advise  my  changing  the  prescription? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Oratorically)  I  advise  our  chang 
ing  our  whole  mode  of  existence — the  entire  ma 
chinery  of  our  lives !  I've  suddenly  come  to  the 
grave  realization  that  you  and  I  and  the  Judge  are 
in  mortal  danger!  Teddy,  don't  you  see  the  awful 
significance  of  that  spoon?  Because  it  was  not  in 
its  proper  place — the  top  of  your  head  was  in  immi 
nent  danger  of  exploding! 

FINDLEY.  What's  the  matter  with  you  to-night, 
Dick?  You're  queer! 


12  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

DR.  GAUNT.  No,  Teddy — we  three  are  queer. 
We're  deep  in  grooves — we're  chained  by  habits,  har 
nessed  by  custom.  We're  knee-deep  in  ruts — while 
flowered  meadows  beckon  us  on  every  hand!  Ha, 
ha!  (Walks  L.  a  little  way,  laughing.)  Ruts! 
Teddy,  ruts ! 

FINDLEY.    (Frowning.   Card  poised  in  air.)   Ruts ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Turning — returns)  Yes — grooves 
— tracks — paths — trails — don't  you  understand? 

FINDLEY.  Not  a  damn  word,  and  neither  do  you ! 
(Resumes  game.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Laughing)  Now,  listen,  Teddy. 
You  play  solitaire  after  dinner  every  night — you 
swallow  your  medicine  and  drink  your  two  cups  of 
coffee  with  gruesome  regularity.  Promptly  at  10.30 
we  have  our  apples  and  hot  water  and  go  to  bed. 
You  want  to  murder  a  maid  because  your  bed-slip 
pers  were  not  in  their  accustomed  habitat — and  you 
growl  if  Johnny  cakes  don't  appear  for  breakfast 
every  Thursday  morning! 

FINDLEY.  (Sharply)  How  about  you  this  morn 
ing  when  your  eggs  were  too  soft? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Gaily)  Of  course,  I'm  as  bad  as 
you  are — we're  both,  the  Judge  too — all  three  of  us 
are  in  the  class  I  have  named  here.  (Turns  L..  picks 
up  ma-gazine  from,  round  table.)  "The  Unburied 
Dead."  (Movement  from  FTNDLEY.)  Oh,  my  God! 
I've  only  touched  the  idea  in  this  article.  Now  I 
realize  that  I've  stumbled  on  a  great  discovery. 
(Crosses  L.  to  fireplace  and  smokes — reads.)  Dr. 
Osier  nearly  had  it  when  he  advocated  chloroforming 
all  men  over  forty. 

FINDLEY.    Now  you'd  chloroform  us — would  you? 

DR.  GAUNT.    Well,  that's  not  necessary. 

FINDLEY.    Good ! 

DR.  GAUNT.     Because  we're  already  dead. 

(Enter  GRAY  from  c.  with  two  coffee-cups  and  pot. 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  13 

Places  one  cup  of  coffee  on  table  L.,  picks  up 
other  cup,  walks  back  of  the  doctor  and  FIND- 
LEY  and  places  cup  on  table  R.  of  FINDLEY.J 

FINDLEY.     Now,  look  here — 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Turning  to  FINDLEYJ  Yes,  sir- 
dead  as  mutton — we  have  ceased — we  have  stopped — 
(Puts  magazine  on  table  and  crosses  to  FINDLEY. ) 
The  wheels  of  our  machinery  are  still  revolving,  but 
only  on  the  momentum  of  the  past.  We're  resting 
on  our  achievements — we're  living  on  what  we  have 
done  and  not  what  we  are  going  to  do.  And  worst 
of  all — we're  satisfied.  (The  doctor  has  returned 
to  fireplace.) 

FINDLEY.    My  God,  Dick,  how  you  do  love  to  talk  ! 

(GRAY  takes  medicine  from  small  table  R.  of  FIND- 
LEY.  The  doctor  turns  toward  mantel — looking 
in  fire  as  GRAY  starts  toward  door  c.) 

FINDLEY.  (Peering  round  the  saucer)  Where's 
the  sugar,  Gray? 

GRAY.  (Sadly)  In  the  saucer,  Mr.  Findley,  as  it 
always  is.  (Exits  c.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Crossing  centre — gaily)  There 
you  have  it !  As  it  always  is !  Gray  has  sounded 
our  dreary  slogan!  Ha,  ha,  ha!  (Puts  down  pipe 
and  picks  up  coffee-cup  where  GRAY  left  it  on  table. 
Stirs  coffee,  puts  sugar  in  coffee  and  sits  in  settee 
front  of  table.)  Teddy,  there's  a  way  out !  Science 
has  proved  conclusively,  thanks  to  Carrel,  that  cellu 
lar  tissue  can  live  on  indefinitely  ;  but  it's  our  negative 
emotions  which  destroy  us.  Now,  if  we  could  be 
trained  to  supply  the  sympathetic  system  with  a  high 
order  of  tonic  emotion — there  is  no  reason  why  the 
human  family  should  not  live  on  forever!  (Drinks 
coffee.) 


i4  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

FINDLEY.  (Drinking  his  coffee  at  the  same  time) 
Forever,  eh  ?  I  thought  you  said  we  were  dead ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Sipping  his  coffee)  Exactly — we 
need  to  be  galvanized  into  life — throw  off  our  chains, 
climb  out  of  our  ruts  and  roll  among  the  buttercups ! 
(Drinks  to  the  last  drop.) 

FINDLEY.  (Puts  down  coffee-pot  on  serving  table 
— kindly)  "Roll  among  the  buttercups !"  Don't 
you  think  it's  time  you  went  to  bed,  Dick?  (Re 
turns  to  his  game.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Shaking  his  head  with  a  smile. 
Puts  doztm  cup  back  of  him  on  table.)  No,  all  we 
need  is  inspiration.  Something  "to  stab  our  spirits 
wide  awake !"  We  need  youth — color — danger — ex 
citement — revolution — pain  will  do — or  riotous  sin ! 

FINDLEY.  (Stops  card  in  airy  Sin —  (Turns 
on  him.)  Now  for  the  first  time  you  interest  me! 
(Leaning  back  in  his  armchair.)  What  would  you 
suggest  ? 

DR.  GAUNT.     W^ell,  I'm  rather  vague  about  such 

matters,  but  I  can  imagine  something  wicked 

(The  doctor  rises.)  Champagne,  champagne  out  of 
a  satin  slipper — (Goes  to  FINDLEYJ — something  red 
headed  !  (Kisses  his  fingers  to  the  air.) 

FINDLEY.    (Dryly)     You  flatter  yourself. 

(GRAY  enters  from  L. — again  picking  up  the  'phone.) 

FINDLEY.     (Snarling)    What  is  it,  Gray  ? 

GRAY.  (Holding  'phone  toward  him)  Mr.  Gor 
don  on  the  telephone,  sir. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh,  Gordon.  (Crossing  to  L.  of 
round  table.) 

GRAY.  He  wants  to  know  if  he  can  see  you  to 
night? 

FINDLEY.    I've  gone  to  bed. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Picking  up  his  journal)  You  mean 
to  say  you  won't  see  Gordon? 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  15 

FINDLEY.  I  will  not.  I  found  a  fine  position  for 
him  yesterday,  the  chance  of  a  lifetime!  Wired  him 
to  be  in  my  office  this  morning — and  this  is  the  first 
time  I've  heard  from  him.  See  him  to-night — I 
should  say  not! 

(GRAY  starts  to  speak  in  'phone.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Quietly  going  to  GRAY)  Gray,  let 
me  have  that,  please.  (Telephoning  cheerfully — 
GRAY  gets  cup  from  table,  goes  c.,  takes  small  table 
from  R.  of  FINDLEY — exits  c.  with  table.)  Hello, 
Gordon!  No,  this  is  Dr.  Gaunt.  Yes,  he's  here — 
come  right  over.  Your  uncle  will  be  delighted  to 
see  you. 

FINDLEY.    (Really  angry)    Now,  look  here,  you — 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Puts  'phone  on  table,  crossing  to 
FINDLEY — interrupting  him)  Listen,  Teddy — you'll 
lose  that  boy  if  you're  not  careful.  That  was  an 
olive  branch — accept  it.  Use  a  little  tact! 

FINDLEY.  (Returning  to  his  game)  Tact  be 
damned  !  What  he  needs  is  a  club ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Ton  my  word !  it's  astonishing  what 
idiots  you  successful  men  really  are !  Here  you 
are  one  of  the  richest  men  in  the  country,  a  power 
among  men — yet,  when  it  comes  to  simple  human 
wisdom — you're  a  pitiful  jackass,  Teddy!  (Starts 
down  L.J 

FINDLEY.    Thank  you! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Turning  to  FINDLEY,  'with  back  to 
audience)  Well,  look  at  you — here's  your  sister's 
boy — the  only  bit  of  flesh  and  blood  left  you  in  the 
world.  The  very  apple  of  your  eye — and  what  do 
you  do — nag  and  persecute  the  boy  morning,  noon 
and  night! 

FINDLEY.  I  guess  I  know  how  to  treat  my  own 
nephew! 

DR.  GAUNT.     (Going  to  FINDLEY )     A  little  en- 


16  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

couragement — a  little  affection  would  go  a  long  way 
with  him! 

FINDLEY.    He's  got  too  much  money ! 

DR.  GAUNT.    (Laughs)    Well,  that's  not  his  fault ! 

FINDLEY.  Everyone  spoils  him  but  me — because 
he's  rich  doesn't  mean  that  he's  going  to  escape  work. 

I've  got  a  job  for  him (GRAY  enters  from  R.J 

He  may  wear  a  silk  sweater — but  I'm  going  to  see 
that  he  sweats!  (GRAY  comes  down  R.  with  a  card 
on  a  silver  tray.) 

GRAY.  Beg  pardon,  sir — a  detective,  sir!  (Both 
start  slightly.  FINDLEY  looks  first  at  GRAY  in  sur 
prise,  and  then  at  GAUNT.  ) 

FINDLEY.     A  what? 

DR.  GAUNT.  A  detective  ?  (He  crosses  to  GRAY, 
picks  up  card,  donning  his  glasses.)  J.  Poole,  Police 
Headquarters ! 

FINDLEY.  (Tartly)  Here,  let  me  see  that! 
(Takes  card  from  GAUNT  and  reads,  growling)  J. 
Poole,  Police  Headquarters ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh,  he  probably  wants  to  see  Judge 
Trumbull — something  to  do  with  the  Court,  I  dare 
say. 

GRAY.  No,  sir,  he  says  he  particularly  wanted  to 
see  only  Dr.  Gaunt  and  you,  Mr.  Findley.  (DR. 
GAUNT  looks  at  FINDLEY. J 

FINDLEY.     (Puzzled)     Me? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Laughs)  Well,  this  is  very  inter 
esting!  Show  him  in,  Gray.  (Crosses  to  L.,  front 
of  round  table.) 

GRAY.    Yes,  sir.     (Exits  R.J 

FINDLEY.  (Examining  the  card)  What  does  a 
detective  want  with  us? 

DR.  GAUNT.  I  don't  know.  (Laughing — sits  on 
settee.)  My  conscience  is  clear! 

FINDLEY.    Umph ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Looking  front)  A  detective  is 
charged  with  possibilities.  (Looks  at  FINDLEY.J 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  17 

Already  he's  doing  you  good !  A  missing  spoon  dis 
turbed  your  sympathetic  centres  and  now  that  mere 
piece  of  cardboard  has  thrown  your  entire  involun 
tary  system  into  a  mad,  seething  tumult  of  molecu 
lar  vibrations.  (Takes  handkerchief  and  polishes 
glasses.  GRAY  opens  door  R.) 

FINDLEY.    Oh,  for  Heaven  sakes — Dick! 

(GRAY  ushers  in  MR.  POOLE,  a  quick,  expression 
less  man,  neatly  dressed.  G^AV- stays  in  the 
room  lingeringly,  eyeing  MR.  POOLE.  MR. 
POOLE  comes  doum  stage  to  R.c.  toward  the  two 
men.  They  watch  him  curiously.  A  short 
pause.) 

POOLE.     (Boning)     Mr.  Findley! 

FTNDLEY.  (Leaning  back)  How  do  you  know 
my  name's  Findley? 

POOLEY.  (With  a  meek  smile)  I  guess  we  know 
every  financier  in  town,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  (Sourly)  You  must  have  a  vast  ac 
quaintance. 

POOLE.  (Steps  down  R.  a  little)  There  are  not 
many  in  your  class,  Mr.  Findley  !  It's  a  great  honor 
to  meet  you  too,  Dr.  Gaunt. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Laughing — as  he  polishes  his 
glasses)  And  so  you've  detected  me,  too? 

POOLE.  Yes,  Doctor.  We  all  know  of  your  great 
work  at  the  Rockefeller  Institute  and  your  discov 
ery  of 

FINDLEY.  (Interrupting  him)  Well — er — er — 
(Picks  up  card) — Mr.  Poole,  what  is  your  business  ? 

POOLE.  (Glances  at  GRAY)  What  I've  got  to  say 
is  private.  (Turns  and  looks  at  GRAY.  FINDLEY 
turns  with  a  questioning  look  to  the  doctor,  who  in 
dicates  GRAY  with  a  slight  gesture  of  his  glasses.) 

FINDLEY.  (Understanding)  Oh!  That  will  do, 
Gray! 


i8  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

GRAY.    (Disappointed)    Yes,  sir.    (Exits  door  R.  ) 

POOLE.  Your  butler  tells  me  Judge  Trumbull  has 
not  come  home  yet. 

DR.  GAUNT.  No,  he  is  usually  detained  at  Court 
on  Thursdays.  Did  you  call  to  see  him? 

POOLE.  No,  that's  just  it.  I  don't  want  to  see 
him.  Commissioner  Cornell  asked  me  to  try  and 
see  you  gentlemen  alone.  You  don't  expect  him  in 
for  a  few  minutes,  do  you  ? 

FINDLEY.  May  I  ask  what  the  devil  this  is  all 
about  ? 

POOLE.  The  Commissioner  sent  me  here  to  tell 
you  gentlemen  that — (In  a  lower  tone) — pardon  me 
a  moment !  (Goes  up  to  door  R.,  opens  it  and  looks 
out  to  see  no  one  is  eavesdropping.) 

FINDLEY.    (To  DOCTOR)    What  the 

POOLE.  (Returning  quietly)  That  we  are  watch 
ing  the  house. 

DR.  GAUNT.    Eh? 

FINDLEY.     (In  surprise)    What's  that? 

(DR.  GAUNT  rises,  going  to  L.  of  FINDLEY.,) 

POOLE.  The  orders  are  to  watch  this  house  day 
and  night. 

FINDLEY.     Watch  this  house — what  for? 

POOLE.    "Benny  the  Duck"  has  escaped ! 

FINDLEY.     Benny  the  what? 

POOLE.  "Benny  the  Duck,"  sir — don't  you  re 
member  him  ? 

FINDLEY.  (To  the  doctor,  angrily)  Do  you  know 
what  he  is  talking  about,  Dick?  Now,  why  should 
I  remember  "Benny  the  Duck"? 

POOLE.  Why,  it  was  a  very  famous  case,  sir — 
tried  before  Judge  Trumbull.  "Benny  the  Duck," 
alias  Benjamin  Surratt. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh,  yes— I  think  I  remember  now 
— he — he  was  a  forger,  wasn't  he? 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  19 

POOLE.  Yes,  sir.  He  broke  out  of  Atlanta  Prison 
two  weeks  ago,  taking  with  him  John  Crawshay — 
the  bank  embezzler. 

FINDLEY.  (Surprised)  Crawshay — John  Craw- 
shay!  I  knew  him  well — went  to  college  with  him. 

POOLE.  There's  a  big  reward  out  for  him,  sir. 
The  strange  part  of  the  case,  sir,  is  the  friendship 
between  the  two  men — for  some  reason  we  can't 
make  out.  When  Benny  broke  jail,  he  took  Craw 
shay  with  him.  Now,  that's  very  unusual — consid 
ering  the  type  of  the  two  men. 

FINDLEY.  (Interrupting  him  tartly)  Without  de 
siring  to  appear  abrupt,  Mr.  Poole,  may  I  ask  what 
all  this  has  to  do  with  placing  a  guard  around  our 
house  ? 

POOLE.  Why,  Benny  has  sworn  to  kill  Judge 
Trumbull  on  sight,  sir !  (They  both  start.  FINDLEY 
rises  and  stands  back  of  table  c.) 

DR.  GAUNT.     (Under  his  breath)     Heavens! 

FINDLEY.     Good  God! 

POOLE.  You  see,  sir,  Judge  Trumbull  sentenced 
him — gave  him  twenty  years — and  Benny  swore  the 
moment  he'd  get  out  he'd  get  him ! 

FINDLEY.  And  you  say  this  Benny  is  in  New 
York  now? 

POOLE.     Yes,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  (Anxiously)  Great  Scott,  we'd  better 
warn  the  Judge  at  once — what's  the  number  of  the — 

DR.  GAUNT.     (Hurriedly)     I'll  get  it,  Teddy — 

POOLE.  That's  not  necessary,  gentlemen.  One  of 
our  best  men  is  watching  every  movement  of  Judge 
Trumbull — and  I  can  assure  you  he's  in  no  danger 
so  long  as  he  doesn't  find  out  we're  protecting  him. 

FINDLEY.  (Still  standing)  Why  the  devil  shouldn't 
he  find  out? 

POOLE.  If  you  remember,  the  last  time  the  Judge 
was  attacked  was  because  he  objected  to  personal 


20  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

guards — if  he  knew  about  this,  the  Commissioner's 
afraid  he  wouldn't  allow  it. 

(The    doctor    and    FINDLEY    exchange    significant 
glances.     The  doctor  nods.) 

POOLE.  So  I  hope  I  can  depend  upon  you  gentle 
men  to  say  nothing  to  Judge  Trumbull,  also  you'll 
not  let  the  servants  know — the  house  is  being 
watched. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Goes  to  L.C.,  rings  bell-cord  for 
servant,  then  crosses  RV  looks  out  window  curiously, 
deeplv  interested.)  We  will  be  discretion  itself,  Mr. 
Poole! 

POOLE.  Thank  you!  (Gives  FINDLEY  a  police- 
whistle)  Oh,  you  had  better  keep  this  police-whistle 
near  you  at  night,  in  case  you  should  want  us  in  a 
hurry,  just  blow  en  it  twice!  (Stops  himself  as 
GRAY  appears.)  I  think  that's  all,  gentlemen  !  Good 
evening.  (Goes  to  door  R.c.J  Good  evening. 
(Exits,  followed  by  GRAY.,) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Good  evening.  (Rubbing  his  chin — 
comes  down,  sits  armchair  R.  j  This  is  a  queer  busi 
ness,  Teddy!  (Laughs  to  himself.) 

FINDLEY.  (Attaching  the  police-whistle  to  his  gold 
key  chain,  sits.)  Yes,  I'm  afraid  for  Jimmy.  I  think 
we  ought  to  tell  him. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Nonsense !  We've  had  this  fellow's 
assurance  that  Jimmy's  in  no  personal  danger. 

FINDLEY.  Well,  I  don't  like  it — makes  me  feel 
creeps!  (Shudders.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Laughingly)  Good !  Then  Benny 
the  Duck's  a  godsend !  He  could  coax  you  out  of  a 
lot  of  ruts!  Benny  the  Duck — you  know,  I'm  be 
ginning  to  like  that  fellow!  He  may  be  hiding  in 
this  house  this  very  minute! 

FINDLEY.  (Looking  around  behind  himself) 
What's  that? 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  21 

DR.  GAUNT.  He  could  easily  mistake  your  room 
for  the  Judge's! 

FINDLEY.     My  room! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Gaily)  Imagine  how  it  would 
seem.  Headlines  in  the  morning  papers  with  a  dia 
gram  of  the  house  with  crosses  marked  to  show 
where  your  body  was  dragged ! 

FINDLEY.  (Furious — turning  with  a  roar)  Will 
you  dry  up? 

(DR.  GAUNT  laughs,  sits  -wiping  his  glasses  and  his 
eyes.) 

FINDLEY.  (Looks  about  gingerly.  The  keys  drop 
accidentally  out  of  his  hands  with  a  loud  noise;  he 
gives  a  violent  start,  continues  his  game,  then  leans 
back.)  You  know,  that's  funny,  though,  about 
Crawshay — I  always  liked  that  fellow.  He  went 
South  after  he  left  college — and  got  into  trouble 
down  there.  I  never  could  believe  that  man  was 
guilty !  Never !  (Door  slams  off  stage  R.U.E.  FIND- 
LEY  starts,  spilling  cards.)  What's  that? 

(DR.  GAUNT  rises,  starts  up  to  door  R.J 

DR.  GAUNT.  Benny  the  Duck,  of  course.  (Laughs.) 
FINDLEY.  Be  careful,  Dick !  Don't  go  out  there 
— don't  take  any  chances  !  Where's  that  whistle  ? 
(He  looks  about  for  it,  while  all  the  while  it  is  hang 
ing  in  plain  view  on  the  end  of  his  chain.  He  leaps 
to  his  feet  as  the  door  bangs  open.) 

(Enter  GORDON,  a  clean-cut  young  modern — what 
is  called  a  regular  fellow.) 

GORDON.     (In  doorway)     Hello,  folks ! 
DR.  GAUNT.    Ah,  it's  your  prodigal !     (Goes  down 
R.  chair,  L.  of  small  table  R.) 


22  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

FINDLEY.     (Sourly)     Umph ! 

GORDON.  (Gaily)  I  thought  I'd  just  drift  in! 
(Goes  to  window  R.,  looks  out.) 

FINDLEY.  (Putting  keys  in  pocket — then  he  sits 
— with  sarcasm)  Drift — yes,  that's  the  word  for 
you! 

GORDON.  (Crosses  to  R.  of  FINDLEY — cheerfully) 
Uncle,  what's  the  matter  around  here — are  you  run 
ning  a  gambling  house? 

FINDLEY.     What  the  devil  do  you  mean  ? 

GORDON.  Why,  as  I  came  in  I  thought  I  saw  a 
sleuth  standing  in  the  area  way,  and  when  I  was 
stopped  on  the  steps  and  was  given  the  "once  over" 
by  a  little  man  in  a  gray  overcoat,  I  was  sure  they 
were  Pinkertons ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  The  house  is  being  watched,  Gor 
don.  (FINDLEY  starts  new  game.) 

GORDON.  (Takes  a  step  toward  the  doctor  at  R.) 
Great  Scott!  (Comes  back  to  FINDLEY. )  Uncle, 
what  have  you  been  doing? 

FINDLEY.     Umph ! 

GORDON.  (Returning  to  the  doctor)  What's  up, 
Doctor  ? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Why,  it  seems  that  a  dangerous 
criminal  has  escaped  from  prison  and  has  threatened 
the  life  of  Judge  Trumbull ! 

GORDON.     (Concerned)    No ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Rising  and  crossing  to  L.)  But 
we're  told  there's  no  cause  for  alarm — they're  on 
the  fellow's  trail  and  the  Judge  is  being  closely 
guarded,  but  he  mustn't  know  anything  about  this. 
They're  afraid  if  he  does  he  will  put  a  stop  to  it! 
(Picks  up  evening  paper  and  settles  into  tlie  sofa 
before  the  fire  and  reads.) 

GORDON.    Well,  this  is  thrilling ! 

FINDLEY.  (Testily)  It's  all  attended  to — all 
you've  got  to  do  is  to  remember  to  keep  your  mouth 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  23 

shut  and  say  nothing  to  anybody !  Now  what  brought 
you  here? 

GORDON.    (Turning  to  FINDLEY J    Your  telegram ! 

FINDLEY.    You're  twelve  hours  too  late! 

GORDON.    Why,  I  didn't  get  it,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  How  did  you  know  I  sent  you  a  tele 
gram  if  you  didn't  get  it? 

GORDON.  (Controls  his  temper  and  speaks  quietly) 
I  mean,  I  didn't  get  it  in  time! 

FINDLEY.  (Growling)  Why  don't  you  say  what 
you  mean? 

GORDON.  I'm  afraid  I  will  in  a  minute.  I  found 
it  when  I  got  home  this  afternoon — it  was  sent  to 
my  old  rooms. 

FINDLEY.  (Settles  back  in  his  chair,  stops  play 
ing)  Oh !  So  you've  got  new  ones  now.  The 
old  ones  weren't  luxurious  enough,  I  suppose ! 

GORDON.  I  don't  know  about  that,  sir.  (Turn 
ing  front.)  I  know  they  weren't  big  enough  for  our 
parties ! 

FINDLEY.  (Hotly)  I'll  be  damned  if  I'll  ever  be 
a  guardian  again.  Here  I've  got  to  manage  your 
finances ;  pay  you  your  income — you're  of  age  and 
I've  no  control  over  you  and  you  can  squander  your 
life  away  and  I  can't  say  anything!  If  I  had  you 
in  my  office  I'd  break  your  back ! 

GORDON.  (Hotly)  Don't  you  call  that  saying 
something  ? 

FINDLEY.     Where  were  you  yesterday? 

GORDON.  Out  of  town,  sir.  (Their  voices  mount 
almost  in  a  quarrel.) 

FINDLEY.  (Sneeringly)  Something  important,  I 
dare  say! 

GORDON.     It  was,  yes.  sir. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Speaking  over  his  shoulder  tvith  a 
sly  diplomacy)  Ah,  yes — congratulations,  Gordon ! 
I  see  here  your  team  won !  They've  got  your  name 
in  the  head  lines. 


24  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

FINDLEY.  Huh !  (Rises,  goes  over  to  the  doc 
tor.  Looks  over  his  shoulder,  reading — turns  smil 
ing — stops  as  he  sees  GORDON  looking  at  him.  Makes 
a  sour  grunt  and  returns  c.)  Huh !  More  of  that 
confounded  polo?  (Sits.) 

GORDON.    No,  I've  quit  polo! 

FINDLEY.  (Taking  up  his  game  again)  Thank 
Heaven ! 

GORDON.  Until  next  season.  Now,  really,  Uncle, 
this  was  important.  The  fellows  wired  me  to  come 
up  to  college  and  help  whip  the  football  team  into 
shape  for  the  final  game. 

FINDLEY.    Well,  I  wired  you  to  come  to  my  office. 

GORDON.    I  told  you,  sir,  I  didn't  get  it  in  time. 

FINDLEY.  (Producing  an  official-looking  envel 
ope  from  a  black  wallet)  You  give  this  letter  to  Mr. 
Schermanhorn  in  the  Rapid  Transit  Department  to 
morrow  morning  and  tell  him  you've  come  to  work. 
(Hands  him  letter.)  Here ! 

GORDON.  (Looks  at  letter  and  retreats  a  step) 
You  said  I  could  have  a  six  months'  vacation  if  I 
got  my  degree. 

FINDLEY.  I  only  made  that  fool  offer  because  I 
thought  you  had  too  much  decency  to  accept  it. 
What's  come  over  you?  Are  you  going  to  stay  an 
idler  all  your  life?  The  trouble  with  you  is  you 
lack  discipline,  character,  backbone! 

GORDON.     (Ruefully)    I  don't  think  I  do ! 

FINDLEY.  (Turning  on  him)  Then  why  didn't 
you  answer  my  telegram? 

GORDON.    Because  I  didn't  get  it  in  time. 

FINDLEY.     I  don't  believe  you. 

GORDON.  (Striding  to  him  hotly)  Now  look 
here,  Uncle — I've  never  lied  to  you. 

FINDLEY.  (Rises — in  a  loud  tone)  All  right,  the 
job's  still  open.  Will  you  take  it?  (Holding  out 
envelope,  comes  a  little  way  toward  GORDON. ) 

GORDON.     No,  sir! 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  25 

FINDLEY.    You  won't? 

GORDON.  (With  all  his  force)  When  I  get  ready 
to  take  a  job,  I'll  take  it — but  I  won't  be  shoved 
into  it. 

FINDLEY.  (Throwing  envelope  down)  Er — ah — 
umph !  Oh  !  Where  the  hell  are  the  matches  ? 

GORDON.  (Picks  up  matches  and  gives  them  to 
FINDLEY.  Grimly)  Here,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  (Curtly)  Thank  you.  (Sits  c.,  back 
of  table.) 

GORDON.  Now,  you  say  I  don't  do  anything! 
Why,  I've  coached  the  best  team  the  college  ever 
had- 

FINDLEY.  (Removing  cigar  from  mouth)  That's 
play — not  work ! 

GORDON.     You  try  it,  sir ! 

FINDLEY.  True  education  is  in  learning  to  do  the 
thing  you  don't  want  to  do  at  the  time  you  don't 
want  to  do  it  ...  a  real  man  has  got  to  know  what 
it  means  to  get  down  on  his  ham  bones  and  sweat, 
and  you'll  never  amount  to  anything  until  you  can 
stand  up  on  your  two  hind  legs  and  say  no  with  con 
viction,  and  go  to  hell  and  mean  it! 

GORDON.     (Hotly)    That's  just  what  I  am  saying. 

FINDLEY.  (Turning  in  his  chair)  You  mean 
you're  saying  that  to  me? 

GORDON.  Yes,  I'm  doing  what  you  want  me  to  do 
and  you  don't  like  it!  I'm  saying  no  with  convic 
tion — and — all  the  rest  of  it. 

FINDLEY.     (About  to  rise)    Why,  you 

GORDON.  (Staying  him  by  his  attitude)  Now 
you're  angry  because  I  don't  see  things  your  way ! 

FINDLEY.  (Pushing  his  chair  back)  Well,  how 
do  you  see  it — will  you  tell  me  that? 

GORDON.    Well — I — I've  figured  it  out  this  way — 

FINDLEY.  (Almost  singing  his  sarcasm — crossing 
his  legs,  swinging  a  foot)  Oh,  he's  figured  it  out! 

GORDON.     Why  should  I  work  and  slave  to  accu- 


26  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

mulate  more  of  what  I've  got  too  much  of  already? 
(FiNDLEY  grunts.)  I  can  never  spend  the  money 
I've  got  if  I  live  to  be  a  hundred.  You  and  I  have 
no  right  to  work,  Uncle — why,  we're  keeping  jobs 
from  people  who  need  'em. 

FINDLEY.  (In  real  disgust — collapsing  in  his 
chair)  Oh,  my  God  !  (Sees  the"  doctor  laughing  to 
himself.) 

GORDON.  Now,  if  I  could  find  some  work  I  liked. 
— something  that  wouldn't  bring  in  any  money,  you 
know — I'd  be  glad  to  work — hard. 

(Doctor  rises,  goes  up  L.  and  conies  L.  of  FINDLEY. ) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Now,  Teddy,  don't  you  see 

(Warning  him  silent.) 

FINDLEY.  (White  with  rage)  All  right!  All 
right !  All  right !  All  right !  He's  said  enough ! 

I  take  my  oath (Puts  letter  back  in  wallet,  then 

in  his  pocket.)  You'll  never  hear  from  me  again! 
I've  done  my  best — now  I'm  through.  In  the  future 
you  can  do  anything  you  damn  please ! 

GORDON.    (Hotly)    And  I  certainly  will ! 

FINDLEY.     (Roaring)     Now  get  out! 

(GORDON  shocked  to  his  senses — stands  a  moment 
watching  him.  A  pause — both  relent.  FIND- 
LEY  continues  solitaire.  GORDON  stands  irreso 
lute,  looking  at  him  shyly.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Who  has  been  quietly  watching 
these  two,  has  wandered  down  L.  of  FINDLEY  and 
has  been  pretending  to  watch  his  game,  gently  lean 
ing  over  and  pointing  to  card  unth  a  smile)  Teddy, 
one  doesn't  put  a  red  tray  on  a  black  queen ! 

FINDLEY.    (Changing  it)    Umph ! 

(GORDON  turns  quickly  and  goes  to  window — picks 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  27 

up  coat  and  hat  and  starts  for  door.  FINDLEY 
in  pantomime  shows  his  regret — he  is  longing 
to  call  the  boy  back.  He  sits  still,  a  card  poised 
in  air — all  ears — and  'watching  GORDON  out  of 
the  corner  of  his  eye.  GORDON  returns.  FIND- 
LEY  pretends  to  continue  his  game.  GORDON 
stands  beside  him.) 

GORDON.  I — I'm  going  now,  Uncle.  (Holds  out 
hand.  FINDLEY  pays  no  attention — continues  game.) 
Shall — shall  we  shake  hands  first? 

FINDLEY.  (Ashamed  to  relent — gives  GORDON  a 
short  shake  with  the  tips  of  his  fingers  and  pretends 
to  continue  his  game.  GORDON  goes  to  door.  FIND- 
LEY  would  give  anything  to  call  him  back,  but  is 
ashamed  to.  DR.  GAUNT  stops  GORDON. ) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Carelessly)  Gordon — won't  you 
stay  awhile  and  talk  with  me? 

GORDON.  (Pauses  irresolutely)  I — I'd  like  to, 
Doctor,  if  Uncle  wouldn't  object.  (Both  look  at 
FINDLEY,  who  continues  playing.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Object !  Why,  nonsense !  This  is 
my  house  also.  (Realising  that  FINDLEY  isn't  going 
to  speak,  says  quickly)  Your  uncle  only  represents 
a  one-third  interest  in  this  establishment. 

GORDON.     But  if  he  doesn't  want  me  here — 

DR.  GAUNT.  Doesn't  want  you  here,  Gordon? 
It  may  interest  you  to  know  that,  if  you  took  your 
uncle  at  his  word  and  left  us,  it  would  break  his 
heart.  So  come  back  here  and  sit  down !  (Taking 
away  his  hat  and  coat,  which  he  puts  in  chair  near 
window.  GORDON  pushes  chair  down  stage  and  sits. 
FINDLEY  promptly  swings  chair  so  its  back  is  to 
GORDON.  He  also  turns  the  table  around.  GORDON 
rises  in  anger.  But  the  doctor  speaks  and  stops  him 
from  going.  Pushing  him  doum  in  his  seat.  GOR 
DON  looks  over  at  his  uncle.) 

DR.  GAUNT.     I've  got  something  here  I  want  to 


28  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

show  you.    (Goes  to  cabinet  L.  of  door  R.  and  brings 
down  an  old  family  album.) 

(FINDLEY  glances  over  at  GORDON — and  at  the  doc 
tor.     Pretends  to  play.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Up  stage)  Gordon,  you  don't  un 
derstand  your  uncle.  (Takes  album  from  book 
case.)  He's  only  afraid  you're  going  to  waste  your 
life.  But  I'm  not.  (Comes  down  R.  of  GORDON. ) 

GORDON.  Well,  you're  different — you're  a  man  of 
sense!  (Gives  a  meaning  look  at  FINDLEY.  FIND- 
LEY  half  glances  at  him.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Looking  at  FINDLEY )  Thank  you ! 
I  have  complete  faith  in  you.  (Takes  chair  from 
R.,  sits  close  beside  GORDON  R.J  Few  men  dare  stand 
up  to  that  profane  old  wolf — (Nods  at  FINDLEY  J— 
as  you  do !  That's  something  to  your  credit. — 
(Pause — unfastening  buckles  on  album)  Gordon, 
do  you  see  that  cold  piece  of  human  clay  sitting 
over  there?  (GORDON  nods,  but  doesn't  look.)  Take 
a  good  look  at  him.  For  there  you  sit  forty  years 
from  now ! 

(GORDON  looks  at  FINDLEY.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  At  your  age,  he  was  exactly  like 
you — only  wilder! 

GORDON.     Wilder? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes,  and  as  a  psycho-analyst  I  can 
tell  you  that  forty  years  from  now  you  will  have  the 
same  habits — the  same  body  and  face  and  temper 
and  be  settled  in  the  same  ruts  as  that  terrible  result 
of  a  well-ordered  life — sitting  over  there  stewing  in 
his  own  iniquity !  (Opens  alburn  on  his  knees.)  If 
you  don't  believe  me — here's  documentary  evidence 
— (Gives  GORDON  album) — a  photograph  of  the  three 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  29 

of  us  taken  at  your  age !  (Pointing  to  each  picture.) 
Your  uncle,  Judge  Trumbull  and  myself. 

GORDON.  (Bursts  out  laughing.  The  doctor  looks 
at  him)  I  beg  your  pardon.  It's  awfully  good, 
really.  (He  again  bursts  out  laughing.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Seriously)  Don't  you  notice  a  re 
semblance  to  your  uncle  there  and  yourself? 

GORDON.  (Laughing  ruefully)  Oh,  come  now, 
Doctor ! 

DR.  GAUNT.    Yes,  you're  a  chip  of  that  old  block. 

GORDON.  (Suddenly  interested — pointing  in  book) 
Doctor,  what's  that  thing? 

DR.  GAUNT.    (Bending  over  to  see)    What  thing? 

GORDON.    There ! 

DR.  GAUNT.    Where  ?    (Putting  on  glasses. ) 

GORDON.    On  Uncle's  head  ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Looking  at  album  gravely)  That's 
his  hat !  (Puts  glasses  away.) 

GORDON.  Oh!  (Examining)  Why,  what's  writ 
ten  here — Athos — Porthos — Aramis ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Leaning  back  in  chair  proudly) 
The  three  musketeers ! 

GORDON.  You  three?  (Looks  at  the  doctor,  then 
at  FINDLEY,  then  at  picture — then  front,  smothering 
another  laugh.) 

DR.  GAUNT.    Yes.    (Looking  out  front.) 

GORDON.  (Turning  over  another  page)  I  say, 
who's  the  peach? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Rises — looks  at  FINDLEY,  then  at 
GORDON  and  turns  away  to  window)  Rena  Fair- 
child. 

GORDON.  She's  a  pippin,  Doctor!  (Takes  chair 
and  puts  it  below  window  R.  Turns  pages.)  Why, 
here  are  some  more  pictures  of  her.  Why,  the  whole 
book's  full  of  her!  (Looks  up  at  DR.  GAUNT.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Turns,  looks  at  GORDON,  then  at 
FINDLEY  and  back  at  GORDON.  Quietly)  Gordon, 
have  you  ever  been  in  love? 


30  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

GORDON.  (Looking  at  pictures  carelessly)  Oh, 
hundreds  of  times! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Smiles)  Hundreds — h'm!  That's 
interesting — and  yet  in  all  your  twenty-odd  years 
you  never  thought  of  marriage? 

GORDON.  (Looks  at  FINDLEYJ  Oh.  I've  never 
been  seriously  in  love. 

DR.  GAUNT.     Well — we  have. 

GORDON.     We? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes,  your  uncle,  Judge  Trumbull 
and  I. 

GORDON.  (Looking  at  the  doctor)  Oh,  the  three 
musketeers  ? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Nods)  Yes,  and  all  with  the  same 
girl.  (Indicates  the  picture.) 

GORDON.  (Looks  at  the  doctor,  then  at  FINDLEY, 
then  at  album)  One  for  all  and  all  for  one,  eh? 
Weren't  there  enough  girls  to  go  'round  in  your 
day? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Not  like  Rena.  (Pause.)  Gordon, 
the  original  of  these  pictures  was  the  cause  of  our 
first  meeting. 

GORDON.     (Looking  at  picture)     Not  really? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Nods)  We  all  admired  her,  all 
fell  desperately  in  love  with  her.  It  was  at  her  house 
we  three  met  for  the  first  time — all  hated  rivals. 

GORDON.     And  she  turned  you  down. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Surprised)  How  did  you  know 
that? 

GORDON.  Why — er — look,  Doctor!  Could  you 
blame  her?  (Holds  up  album  at  the  picture  of  the 
three  musketeers.  The  doctor  returns  the  album  to 
cabinet  rear.  FINDLEY  looks  angry  at  this.  The 
doctor  is  quite  grave.  GORDON  sobers  in  an  instant. 
To  the  doctor,  in  a  low  and  humble  voice)  I  beg 
your  pardon!  (Rises.)  I  didn't  mean  to  make  fun! 
I  shouldn't  have  laughed. 

DR.  GAUNT.     (At  bookcase)     Why  not?     Laugh 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  31 

away !  I  don't  blame  you,  Gordon.  (Coming  down 
R.  of  FINDLEY.)  You're  not  the  first  who  has 
laughed  at  us.  Anyone  who  had  not  lived  our  story 
would  think  it  absurd — comic.  (Looks  at  FINDLEY.) 
We  were  never  much  at  being  ladies'  men,  and  I 
suppose  our  one  experience  cured  us  of  matrimony — 
(To  FINDLEY) — or  perhaps  we  were  just  born  bach 
elors. 

GORDON.  Well,  what  became  of  her?  (Crossing 
to  L.  of  the  doctor.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  We  never  knew — (Crossing  down 
L.) — she  disappeared  completely  out  of  our  lives. 
(Looks  at  picture  over  mantel  L.,  then  goes  to  it.) 
Sometimes  the  world  can  be  a  large  place ! 

GORDON.  (Looking  front)  Yes — that's  right. 
(Embarrassed — looks  at  FINDLEY.)  I  guess  I'd  bet 
ter  be  going.  I (Crosses  up  R.  of  door  R. — 

gets  coat  and  hat.  Enter  GRAY.) 

GRAY.  The  Judge  is  home,  Mr.  Findley.  (Moves 
chair  back  of  table  c.  up  to  L.  or  arch  c. — takes  card- 
table  and  goes  out  door  up  R.  after  JUDGE  enters. 
GORDON  places  hat  and  coat  in  chair  GRAY  has  moved 
up  L.  of  c.) 

DOCTOR  and  FINDLEY.  (FINDLEY  crosses  front 
of  table  L.  )  Oh,  Jimmy !  (As  he  enters)  Oh, 
Jimmy !  Hello,  Jimmy ! 

JUDGE.  (Taking  off  gloves  and  coat,  his  hat  still 
on)  I'm  glad  you're  both  home,  boys — I've  been 
wanting  to  see  you  all  day. 

GORDON.  (Coming  R.  of  JUDGED  Good  evening, 
Judge.  (FINDLEY  and  the  doctor  exchange  glances.) 

JUDGE.  Ah,  Gordon — er — Gordon,  would  you 
mind  leaving  me  alone  with  your  uncle  and  the  doc 
tor  for  a  minute  ? 

GORDON.    Why,  I  was  just  going  anyway,  sir. 

JUDGE.  Oh !  No,  no !  Don't  run  away.  (Enter 
GRAY,  conies  R.  of  JUDGE.)  Just  step  into  the  library 
for  just  a  minute,  like  a  good  fellow. 


32  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

GORDON.  Why,  certainly,  sir.  (Goes  off  into 
library  door  up  L.j 

GRAY.  (As  JUDGE  is  about  to  speak  to  the  doctor 
and  FiNDLEYj  There's  been  a  woman  here  to  see 
you.  She's  called  twice  this  afternoon.  (JUDGE 
removes  hat  and  gives  coat  to  GRAY.,) 

JUDGE.    (Pause)    Oh !    That  poor  woman  again — 

FINDLEY.     What  woman? 

JUDGE.  She  wants  to  plead  for  her  wretched  hus 
band  !  I  sentenced  him  last  week.  Well,  let  her  in 
if  she  comes. 

GRAY.  Yes,  sir.  (Exits  up  R.  The  JUDGE  goes 
to  c.  rather  gravely.) 

FINDLEY.  (Coming  around  back  of  JUDGE  and  to 
R.  of  him — nervously)  Jimmy,  you're  not  yourself 
to-night — something's  happened ! 

JUDGE.    (Grimly)    Yes ! 

FINDLEY.    Oh !    Then  you  know  about  the 

JUDGE.  (Surprised — looking  from  one  to  the 
other)  Why,  do  you? 

DR.  GAUNT.    Yes. 

JUDGE.    (To  doctor)    Oh !    Then  the  boy  is  here  ? 

FINDLEY.    (Surprised)    Boy? 

JUDGE.     (Gravely)    Ah — then  you  don't  know. 

FINDLEY.    What  is  it,  Jimmy  ? 

JUDGE.  (Puts  hands  on  their  shoulaers)  Boys, 
she's  dead! 

FINDLEY.     Rena ! 

DR.  GAUNT.    Rena! 

JUDGE.  She  died — in  abject  poverty — (Crosses  to 
L.  and  sits  on  stool  front  of  table — moved) — alone ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Deeply  moved — shaking  his  head) 
What  a  life — what  a  tragedy!  (Crosses  up  L.c.j 

JUDGE.  It  seems  she'd  married  and  had  a  child! 
Here  is  how  the  news — (FINDLEY  goes  up,  gets 
chairs,  sits  L.C. — the  doctor  sits  on  table  behind 
them) — reached  me  on  an  old  piece  of  wrapping 
paper,  written  in  pencil.  (Adjusts  glasses.  Reads 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  33 

very  slowly)  "Athos,  Perthos,  Aramis — old  friends  ! 
(Reminiscent — looks  slowly  at  each  of  them.)  I  am 
dying.  I  blame  no  one  but  myself.  I  am  in  no  posi 
tion  to  help  my  child — so  I  turn  to  you  three,  the 
best,  the  most  chivalrous  men  I  have  ever  known, 
to  ask  for  help.  If  you  will  do  this  for  me.  I  will 
rest  in  peace;  and  if  there  is  a  great  beyond.  I  will 
pray  for  you  always.  For  the  sake  of  the  old  days, 
help  and  forgive  in  your  hearts.  Yours  in  despair, 
Rena !"  (The  doctor  rises  and  goes  up  L.C.  and  then 
down  L.,  round  sofa.) 

FINDLEY.     What  is  it  she  wants  us  to  do,  Jimmy? 

JUDGE.  There's  a  will.  (The  doctor  sits  on  settee 
arm.)  "I,  Rena  Fairchild,  hereby  say  that  this  is 
my  last  will  and  testament.  I  do  not  know  if  this  is 
legal,  as  I  have  no  one  to  advise  me,  but  I  solemnly 
bequeath  to  mv  three  old  friends — Theodore  Find- 
ley,  Richard  Gaunt  and  James  Trumbull — in  equal 
shares  the  only  thing  I  have  in  the  world — my  be 
loved  child.  Sidney."  (Signed)  "Rena  Fairchild." 

FINDLEY.  You  mean  to  say  that  we've  been  left 
a  boy? 

JUDGE.  We  have.  Rena  turned  to  us  in  the  end 
— after  all  these  years !  (The  doctor  takes  papers 
from  JUDGE.) 

FINDLEY.  Well,  can  one  be  left  a  child  like  an 
old  farm  or  old  furniture  or  silver 

JUDGE.  A  nice  point  of  law — I'm  not  so  sure  it 
mightn't  furnish  grounds  for  our  becoming  his  legal 
guardians. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Who  has  been  examining  papers) 
I  doubt  if  we  ever  see  this  child ! 

JUDGE.     Nonsense ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Why,  these  are  dated  three  months 
ago.  (Returns  papers  to  JUDGED 

JUDGE.  Exactly,  but  the  fact  that  the  letter  was 
mailed  last  night  indicates  they  intend  to  send  the 


34  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

boy  here  to  us.  (Folds  up  letter — puts  it  m  envel 
ope.)  Well,  boys,  what  do  you  say? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Rena's  child  !  Why,  there's  no  ques 
tion.  We  must  do  everything  in  the  world  for  him. 
(Both  look  at  FINDLEY.  ) 

FINDLEY.  Yes.  We  must  give  him  everything 
that  money  can  buy! 

JUDGE.  (Rises)  I  knew  you'd  feel  that  way, 
boys !  (Goes  to  c.,  going  between  FINDLEY  and 
table  L.J  Teddy,  you'd  better  tell  Mrs.  Saunders 
we'll  use  the  blue  room  for  the  nursery ! 

DR.  GAUNT.    (Laughing)    Ha !    Ha !    Good ! 

FINDLEY.  (Dismayed — in  horror)  My  God ! 
You're  not  going  to  have  him  in  the  house? 

DR.  GAUNT.    Why  not? 

FINDLEY.  Why  not?  Oh,  come  now!  Talk 
sense.  I  am  willing  to  do  as  much  as  either  of  you 
fellows — more,  for  that  matter — but — (Rises) — 
surely  we  don't  want  a  noisy,  messy  youngster  up 
setting  our  lives — changing  the  order  of  things 
here!  (Goes  c.  JUDGE  goes  R.,  front  of  table  R.J 

DR.  GAUNT.  Changing  the  order  of  things! 
(Clapping  his  hands.)  Splendid!  That's  just  what 
we  need — (Rises — crossing  to  FINDLEY J — and, 
Teddy,  it  will  get  you  out  of  a  lot  of  these 

FINDLEY.  Damn  ruts !  (The  doctor  and  JUDGE 
laugh.)  Will  you  please  stop  that  noise  for  a  minute 
and  talk  sense?  We  don't  want  the  boy  here — in 
the  house.  Now  that's  the  way  I  feel  about  it. 

(GORDON  knocks  on  door.) 

JUDGE.     Come  in. 

GORDON.  (Coming  downstairs  and  to  JUDGE,  who 
is  R.J  Excuse  me,  but  that's  the  longest  minute  I 
ever  met — I  feel  like  Rip  Van  Winkle ! 

JUDGE.  Gordon — I  beg  your  pardon !  I  quite 
forgot  you! 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  35 

GORDON.  Oh,  don't  mind  me.  I  just  didn't  want 
to  miss  my  youth ;  that's  all. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Laughing,  crosses  to  c.  to  FIND- 
LEY,  between  GORDON  and  FINDLEY,)  Boys,  sup 
pose  we  let  Gordon  decide  for  us ! 

FINDLEY.  Bosh!  (JUDGE  crosses  to  the  doctor, 
between  GORDON  and  the  doctor.) 

JUDGE.     I  agree  with  Dick 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Turning  to  FINDLEY)  Yes — and 
if  Gordon  goes  against  you — Teddy — you  lose! 

JUDGE.  Gordon,  an  old  friend  of  ours — a  dear 
friend — has  left  us  an  infant  boy  to  take  care  of. 
Now  we  want  you  to  help  our  decision. 

DR.  GAUNT.  ^FINDLEY  (joes  L.  rear,  picks  up  eve 
ning  paper)  It's  Rena's  child,  Gordon. 

GORDON.  You  mean?  (Looks  over  at  album  in 
cabinet.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Significantly)  Yes!  Your  uncle 
Teddy  is  against  our  bringing  the  boy  into  the  house. 

GORDON.  (Emphatically)  Then  I'm  for  it !  (The 
doctor  and  JUDGE  laugh.) 

FINDLEY.  Of  course  you  would  be !  (Slamming 
down  the  newspaper  in  fury — goes  up  L.,  then  dozim 
c.  between  the  doctor  and  JUDGE. )  All  right!  Since 
he  won't  take  the  job  I've  offered — I  suggest  we 
make  over  our  shares  in  the  will  and  turn  the  child 
over  to  Gordon. 

GORDON.     Oh,  I  say! 

JUDGE.     Why  not? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Right!  (GORDON  laughs — GRAY  en 
ters,  stands  R.  of  GORDON.) 

GRAY.  Beg  pardon,  sir!  That  woman  is  here 
again. 

JUDGE.  Oh,  yes.  (With  a  sigh.)  Well,  I  sup 
pose  I  shall  have  to  see  her!  (Nods  to  GRAY,  who 
retires  up  to  door  R. — opens  door,  waits  at  L.  of 
door  R.) 


36  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

FINDLEY.  For  Heaven's  sake,  don't  bring  her  in 
here !  I  hate  scenes ! 

JUDGE.  Then  why  don't  you  go  into  the  library? 
(Turns  L.  and  works  up  to  mantel — looking  into  the 
fire.  The  doctor  returns  to  table  and  picks  up  jour 
nal.  GORDON  goes  to  window,  idly  looking  out.) 

FINDLEY.  Why  don't  you  go  into  the  library 
yourself? 

JUDGE.    All  right!     (Goes  up  to  FINDLEY.) 

(A  young  girl  enters — she  stares  at  GRAY  and  comes 
into  the  room — overcome  by  the  strangeness  of 
the  place.  She  is  shabby  and  doum  at  the  heel. 
She  mistakes  the  doctor  for  the  JUDGE  and  comes 
to  him — a  very  beautiful  and  appealing  figure.) 

SIDNEY.  Good  evening.  (JUDGE  comes  dozvn  c. 
to  R.  of  SIDNEY.) 

DR.  GAUNT.    How  do  you  do? 

SIDNEY.     Are  you  Judge  Trumbull? 

JUDGE.  (Coming  up  behind  her  R.)  I  am  Judge 
Trumbull.  (Shakes  his  head,  which  stops  her  talk 
ing — gently — with  authority)  I  am  very  sorry,  my 
poor  girl — deeply  sorry — but  T  can  do  nothing  for 
you — sentence  has  been  passed! 

SIDNEY.  Then  it's  no  use?  (Starts  up  c.,  stops. 
The  doctor  sits  with  his  back  to  c.) 

JUDGE.  Sometimes  it's  true  kindness  to  be  stern ! 
I  can  do  nothing  for  your  husband — he  is  in  the 
hands  of  the  Federal  law. 

SIDNEY.  Husband!  I  have  no  husband !  (FIND- 
LEY  and  DR.  GAUNT  turn  and  look  at  her.) 

JUDGE.  (With  a  start — GORDON  stares  at  her — 
comes  above  table  R.)  What  is  this?  Didn't  you 
come  to  plead  his  cause? 

SIDNEY.  No,  sir — I  came  about  a  will.  (The 
doctor  stands  and  looks  up.)  Didn't  you  receive  a 
will? 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  37 

JUDGE.     Rena  Fairchild's  will? 
SIDNEY.    Yes,  sir. 

JUDGE.  Oh,  then,  the  boy's  in  your  charge — where 
is  he? 

SIDNEY.     (Puzzled)    Boy  ? 

JUDGE.    Yes — where  is  this  Sidney  Fairchild  ? 

SIDNEY.     (With  dignity)    I  am  Sidney  Fairchild ! 

(The  doctor  rises,  puts  magazine  on  table.  FINDLEY 
crosses  back  of  table  and  R.  of  it.  All  aston 
ished — start.) 

FINDLEY.  (Puzzled — scratching  his  head)  What, 
then  you're  not  a  boy? 

SIDNEY.  (Wistfully — to  FINDLEY^  No,  sir — did 
you  want  a  boy? 

FINDLEY.  (Emphatically)  We  certainly  did  not 
— but  we  were  expecting  an  infant.  (Goes  up  L.  to 
fireplace. ) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Crossing  to  SIDNEY — gently)  You 
see,  we'd  forgotten  we  had  all  grown  old. 

JUDGE.  But  why  didn't  you  come  to  us  before, 
Sidney? 

SIDNEY.     I  only  reached  New  York  last  night. 

JUDGE.  But  your  mother's  letter  was  written  three 
months  ago. 

SIDNEY.  I  didn't  want  to  send  that  at  all.  I  only 
used  it  now  in  the  hope  that  you  would  consent  to 
see  me.  I — well — I'm  trying  to  study  law,  Judge 
Trumbull.  (The  doctor  and  JUDGE  look  at  each 
other.) 

JUDGE.    (Smiling)    Oh,  are  you,  really? 

SIDNEY.  Yes,  and  I  thought — that  is,  I  hoped 
there  might  be  some  kind  of  work  I  could  do  for 
you. 

JUDGE.  Work?  There's  no  question  of  work — 
you've  been  willed  to  us. 


38  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

SIDNEY.  But  the'will  isn't  legal ;  I  couldn't  make 
mother  understand 

JUDGE.  Have  no  fear,  your  mother  was  right.  It 
is  the  soundest  of  all  law.  Why,  it's  what  makes 
the  world  go  round! 

SIDNEY.  But  I  must  keep  on  with  my  studying. 
I  must  somehow 

JUDGE.  Well,  in  that  case  you  may  consider  your 
self  engaged. 

SIDNEY.  Then  there  is  something  I  can  do  for 
you? 

JUDGE.  We'll  go  into  that  very  carefully  later. 
In  the  meantime  this  is  your  home  and  welcome. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Taking  her  hands)  Welcome. 
(A  pause — as  all  look  at  FINDLEY.  He  swallows  his 
disgust  at  the  thought  of  a  girl  in  tlie  home.) 

FINDLEY.  (Sourly)  Welcome !  (Goes  rear, 
bored  and  upset — takes  out  watch,  compares  it  with 
clock.  GORDON  starts  down  R.,  crosses  to  c.,  stands 
facing  SIDNEY.,) 

SIDNEY.     (Eyes  full)     You  mean — you  mean — 
you  want  me  to  live  here — that  you  want  me  to — 
(Turns  and  sees  GORDON,  u'ho  has  dropped  down  R. 
of  c. — there  is  a  pause,  and  he  goes  to  her.) 

GORDON.  Miss  Fairchild,  it  doesn't  make  the 
slightest  difference  whether  they  want  you  or  not. 
They've  made  over  the  will  to  me.  I'm  your  guar 
dian.  It's  quite  all  right. 

FINDLEY.     Oh,  keep  quiet.     Get 
away. 

DR.    GAUNT.     Gordon,    don't   be 


silly! 


(All 
together.) 


JUDGE.     Go  away,  Gordon.     (To 
SIDNEY  j     Of  course  we  want  you. 

SIDNEY.     Oh,  you're  all  so  dear!     (Sways — the 
doctor  catches  her.) 

GORDON.     Look  out!     She's  fainting!     (Ad  lib.) 

DR.  GAUNT.    Here — Gordon — a  chair !    (Goes  uj> 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  39 

left  of  c.,  gets  chair  quickly  and  brings  it  down  c. 
The  judge  and  the  doctor  catch  her  and  put  her  in 
the  chair  GORDON  has  brought  down.  JUDGE  runs 
across  R.  and  opens  the  window  and  parts  the  cur 
tains.) 

SIDNEY.     Oh,  I'm  all  right,  thanks. 

(FINDLEY  goes  up   L.C. — pulls   bell.) 

FINDLEY.  (As  GRAY  enters  from  door  right — in 
bored  voice)  Get  Saunders ! 

(GRAY  exits  Lj 

SIDNEY.    Oh,  please  don't  trouble.    Please  don't! 

DR.  GAUNT.  There,  there,  dear — there's  nothing 
to  be  alarmed  about,  only  you're  all  tired  out,  and 
you  need  a  good  rest. 

FINDLEY.  (Bored — coming  into  c.)  Can  I  do 
anything  ? 

GORDON.  (Turning  to  him)  Yes,  sir,  you  can 
give  me  that  letter. 

FINDLEY.  What?  (Produces  wallet — takes  out 
letter  and  hands  it  to  GORDON .) 

GORDON.  To  Mr.  Rapid  Transit  Department — 
I'll  be  at  his  office  to-morrow  morning  by  eleven 
o'clock  if  I  have  to  sit  up  all  night  to  make  it.  I've 
got  responsibilities  now! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh  !  Gordon,  keep  quiet.  (GORDON 
goes  up  c.)  I'm  Dr.  Gaunt,  Sidney. 

SIDNEY.     (Softly)     Oh,  you  are  Aramis. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Delighted — laughing)  Well!  Ha, 
ha,  ha!  (Laughs  delightedly.)  Yes,  and  this  is 
Mr.  Findley. 

SIDNEY.     (Looking  up  at  him)     Porthos! 

DR.  GAUNT.    Yes,  and  the  Judge  was  Athos! 

SIDNEY.    Yes. 

GORDON.    (Coming  down  R.  of  SIDNEY,)    And  now 


40  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

I'm  going  to  join  the  group — just  call  me  D'Artag- 
nan !  (All  chase  him  back  c.L.J 

FINDLEY.     Just  a  moment  now. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Now,  Sidney — your  doctor — (Enter 
GRAY  from  L.,  crosses  to  door  up  R.) — has  strict 
orders  for  you.  Are  you  willing  to  obey  them? 

SIDNEY.     Yes,  sir! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Very  well — then  not  another  word 
to-night.  (Enter  SAUNDERS  from  L.,  comes  down  R. 
of  round  table.)  You  need  a  good  rest  and  I  pre 
scribe  bed  in  large  doses. 

SAUNDERS.     Did  you  want  me,  sir? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh,  yes,  Saunders.  Saunders,  this 
is  Miss  Sidney  Fairchild.  She's  going  to  live  with 
us. 

(GRAY  looks  surprised  and^  exits  R.  SAUNDERS  looks 
at  FINDLEY  quite  amazed — taking  a  half -step 
backward.) 

SAUNDERS.    Yes,  sir,  very  happy,  Miss,  I'm  sure. 

SIDNEY.     (Smiles  at  her)     Thank  you. 

DR.  GAUNT.     Now,  Saunders. 

SAUNDERS.    Yes,  sir. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Miss  Sidney's  very  tired.  (Takes 
hat  from  table,  hands  it  to  SAUNDERS.)  Take  her 
up  to  the  blue  room  and  see  that  she's  made  very 
comfortable. 

SAUNDERS.    Come  with  me.  Miss.    (SIDNEY  rises.) 

JUDGE.  (Extending  his  arms  to  her)  Good  night, 
Sidney.  (Kisses  her  on  forehead.) 

(GRAY  enters  front,  up  R. — gives  SAUNDERS  two  bags 
— exits  c.) 

SIDNEY.     Good-night,  sir. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Good-night,  Sidney.  (She  goes  to 
him  and  he  kisses  her  on  the  forehead.  Then  re- 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  41 

membermg  FINDLEY,  turns  and  looks  at  him.  He 
regards  her  with  embarrassment.) 

SIDNEY.  (Going  to  him,  slowly)  Good-night,  Mr. 
Findley.  (He  looks  at  her — glances  sheepishly  at 
the  others,  who  smile  behind  their  hands.  This 
settles  him — he  then  stoops  over  and  kisses  her  awk 
wardly  on  lips — she  looks  up  into  his  face  and 
smiles.) 

FINDLEY.  (Sincerely  and  deeply  moved — bowing 
repeatedly  and  shyly)  Good-night — Sidney.  (She 
turns  to  stairs  again.) 

GORDON.  (Goes  to  her  suddenly)  Good-night, 
Sidney.  (He  waits  as  if  expecting  her  to  put  up  her 
face  to  be  kissed.  SIDNEY  looks  at  him,  embar 
rassed.  ) 

SIDNEY.    Good-night.    (Turns  aiuay.) 

SAUNDERS.  Come,  dear (Leads  way  up 
stairs.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (When  SIDNEY'S  on  the  first  land 
ing)  And  Saunders — after  you've  tucked  Miss  Sid 
ney  in,  you  may  give  her  an  apple  and  a  cup  of  hot 
water,  just  as  Gray  gives  us. 

SAUNDERS.     (Starts  second  flight)     Yes,  sir. 

GORDON.  (Turning  to  DR.  GAUNTJ  Apple  and 
hot  water !  Why  not  hot  chocolate  ? 

DR.  GAUNT.  No, — no !  Too  rich !  But  she  may 
have  a  cup  of  hot  cocoa,  if  she  prefers  it. 

GORDON.  (To  SAUNDERS,)  With  whipped  cream, 
Saunders. 

DR.  GAUNT.    No.    With  hot  milk,  Saunders. 

SAUNDERS.     Yes,  sir.     (Starts  upstairs.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh,  and  Saunders She  is  not 

to  talk  to  you.  That  is  very  important. 

SAUNDERS.  Yes,  sir.  (To  SIDNEY  j  Now  you 
come  right  along,  dear,  and  Saunders  will 

FINDLEY.  (Crossing  from  R.  to  LV  front  of  table) 
And,  Saunders,  you're  not  to  talk  to  her — that's 
more  important. 


42  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

(SAUNDERS  goes  out.    SIDNEY  turns,  stops  at  the  top1 
of  stairs  and  looks  at  them  a  moment.) 

SIDNEY.     Good-night!     (Turns  and  goes  out.) 
FINDLEY.     Good-night,  dear! 
DR.  GAUNT.    A  good  night's  sleep. 
JUDGE.     Good-night,  child ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Good  night — sweet  dreams!  Now 
go  right  to  bed. 

(All  together  at  foot  of  stairs,  waving  at  her.) 

FINDLEY.     (Warning)     Have  a  good  sleep! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Good-night,  Sidney.  (They  all 
turn,  chuckling  and  laughing — FINDLEY  rather  fool 
ish.) 

JUDGE.  (Taking  chair  from  R.  of  table  L.  dozan 
stage)  Well,  let's  talk  this  over.  (GORDON  comes 
down  c.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  This  is  amazing.  (Comes  down  and 
sits  on  stool  front  of  table.  GORDON  gets  hat  and 
coat  from  L.  of  c.)  It's  happened  so  suddenly  I'm 
quite  dazed. 

FINDLEY.  (Sits  in  chair  c.)  Yes — you  can't  help 
liking  the  little  thing  somehow. 

JUDGE.  Now  we  must  settle  upon  some  plan  of 
action ! 

GORDON.  Yes.  (Front.)  That's  the  thing  for  us 
to  do! 

FINDLEY.  (Turning  on  him)  You'll  find  Mr. 
Schermahorn  in  his  office  at  nine  o'clock. 

GORDON.     I'll  be  there. 

FINDLEY.  Well,  go  home  and  go  to  bed,  so  you'll 
be  awake  when  you  get  there. 

GORDON.  (Going  to  door  up  *.)  You're  right, 
Uncle. 

FINDLEY.    What? 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  43 

GORDON.  You  can't  help  liking  this  little  thing 
somehow!  (Exits  door  up  R.) 

JUDGE.    Now  this  meeting  can  come  to  order. 

FINDLEY.    Yes,  we  must  think  what's  to  be  done. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes.  Now,  the  very  first  thing  you 
got  to  do,  Teddy,  is  to  eliminate  all  vile  language. 

FINDLEY.  You  mean  to  insinuate  that  I'm  in  the 
habit  of  using  bad  language?  (Warning  for  clock 
on  bell.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Amazed)  Good  gracious,  don't 
you  know  you  do? 

JUDGE.  (Equally  amazed)  Yes,  Teddy — don't 
you  know  you  do? 

FINDLEY.  (Looking  from  one  to  the  other)  Well, 
I'll  change  it. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Anxiously)  Do  you  think  you  can, 
Teddy? 

FINDLEY.  Do  I  think  I  can !  Of  course  I  can — 
why  the  hell Why  shouldn't  I? 

JUDGE.    Now  for  the  next  point — 

(Clock — bell  booms  on-ce — the  half-hour.  DOUG 
LAS  opens  door.  GRAY  enters  from  dining-room 
with  apples  and  hot  water  on  tray.) 

GRAY.  It's  bedtime,  gentlemen !  (They  all  wind 
their  watches  together  gravely.  Crosses  to  window 
and  closes  it.)  Your  apples  and  hot  water. 

JUDGE.  This  meeting  is  adjourned  until  break 
fast.  (Rises,  puts  chair  L.  of  door  c.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Rises)  Why,  I  had  no  idea  it  was 
so  late.  (Takes  cup  and  apple  and  goes  to  foot  of 
stairs.) 

FINDLEY.  (Rises)  Where  has  the  time  gone  to? 
(Goes  to  table  and  gets  apple  and  water.)  I  know 
I  won't  sleep  a  damn  wink ! 

DR.  GAUNT.    (Turning  at  foot  of  stairs)    Teddy ! 


34  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

(JUDGE  turns  and  looks  at  him.) 

FINDLEY.  Well,  she  didn't  hear  me.  What  the 
hell's  the  difference? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Good-night,  Gray.  (Upstairs — and 
out  library  door.  Turns  at  door,  then  at  JUDGE  and 
FINDLEY  and  exit.) 

GRAY.    Good-night,  sir.     (Closing  curtains.) 

FINDLEY.  (Pauses  on  landing,  looking  upstairs, 
back  to  audience)  Good-night,  Gray! 

GRAY.    Good-night,  sir.     (Puts  out  first  lamp.) 

JUDGE.  (Goes  upstairs — GRAY  switches  out  lights 
at  switch  up  L.C.)  Good-night,  Gray.  (Exit  JUDGE, 
leaving  door  open.) 

GRAY.  Good-night,  sir.  (He  puts  out  lamp,  leav 
ing  room  in  darkness  but  for  the  light  from  library 
door.  GRAY  goes  up  the  stairs,  wagging  his  head 
bewilderedly.  To  himself)  My!  My!  My! 

VERY  SLOW  CURTAIN 


ACT   II 


TIME  :   Four  weeks  later. 

The  room  is  transformed  as  if  by  magic.  It  has 
grown  younger. 

Spring  has  taken  possession.  Every  bowl  and  vase 
is  bursting  with  flowers — in  pots  and  bowls. 

DOUGLAS  takes  vase  over  to  window  R.,  comes  back 
to  R.C.,  goes  up  R.C.  They  have  changed  the 
room  into  a  garden.  The  only  change  in  the 
furniture  is  a  new  acquisition  in  the  shape  of  a 
small  writing-desk  centre,  on  which  is  a  line  of 
law  books  and  a  typewriter.  The  dainty  Sheri- 
tan  table  has  been  placed  in  the  center  of  the 
room;  four  places  are  set  and  four  champagne 
glasses  wait  upon  a  tray.  A  small  settee  is  now 
at  R.  instead  of  table  and  armchair. 

As  the  curtain  rises  all  the  flowers  are  in  place  but 
one  or  two  pots.  DOUGLAS  and  MRS.  SAUNDERS 
are  scurrying  like  mad  placing  them  about. 

SAUNDERS,,  zvho  is  c.,  goes  up  L. 

DOUGLAS.  Where  does  this  go?  (Holding  a  pot 
of  flowers  in  his  hands.) 

SAUNDERS.  (Consulting  a  paper  on  which  is  a 
diagram)  Oh,  Lord,  what  did  he  say?  Oh,  there 
on  Miss  Sidney's  desk. 

DOUGLAS.    There,  is  that  all  ? 

SAUNDERS.  Yes,  I  think  that's  the  way  he  wants 
it.  I  suppose  the  safest  way  would  be  for  you  to 
go  to  the  dining-room  and  ask  him  to  come  and  see 
if  everything's  all  right.  (He  starts  for  the  double 

45 


46  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

doors.)     Not  that  way.    Go  by  the  hall  and  be  ter 
ribly  careful  when  you  speak  to  him  that  Miss  Sid 
ney   doesn't  suspect   anything — if    she   should   find 
out  before  they  want  her  to,  they'd  murder  us! 
DOUGLAS.     Yes,  I  will. 

SAUNDERS.  That's  right,  Douglas.  (Exit  quickly.) 
MRS.  SAUNDERS.  (Who  is  down  c.,  suddenly  sees 
something  placed  wrong — gives  an  "Oh!"  of  horror 
and  consults  her  paper.  Runs  to  mantelpiece,  takes 
down  a  huge  pot  of  beauty  roses  and  places  them 
on  library  table.  Then  studies  her  paper  again.) 
Now  that's  all  right. 

(Door  bursts  open  rear  and  FINDLEY  enters,  carry 
ing  napkin;  now  in  full  evening  dress — flushed, 
pink,  gay,  blustering.) 

FINDLEY.    What  the  devil  do  you  want,  Saunders  ? 

SAUNDERS.     Why,  I  thought,  sir 

FINDLEY.    Didn't  I  make  you  a  complete  diagram? 

SAUNDERS.  Yes.  (Showing  diagram.)  Here 
it  is. 

FINDLEY.  (Coming  down  front)  Well,  you've 
got  your  diagram,  why  the  h —  Why  don't  you 
go  by  your  diagram?  (Seeing  flmvers  at  right.) 
That's  ail  right — that's  fine !  (Turns  and  sees  flow 
ers  on  table  L.)  And  that  is  beautiful,  Saunders ! 
Really,  that  is  perfectly  beautiful !  (Turns  and  sees 
flower-pot  on  SIDNEY'S  desk.)  But  that  is  rotten! 
(Places  diagram  on  table  and  goes  to  SIDNEY'S 
desk.)  That's  not  a  bit  like  it.  (He  lifts  up  the 
pot  from  SIDNEY'S  desk  and  crosses  to  small  stand 
L.  of  arch.)  This  thing  doesn't  go  up  here — this 
thing  comes  down  and  goes  over  here,  and  this  thing 
— (Takes  pot  off  stand  L.J — comes  down  off  this 
arrangement  and  goes  over  there  on  Miss  Sidney's 
desk.  Confound  it — I  go  to  the  trouble  of  making 
you  a  complete  diagram  and  then  you  proceed  to 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  47 

ball  everything  up.  (Crosses  and  places  the  new  pot 
on  SIDNEV'S  desk.) 

SAUNDERS.  But  it  says  the  hydrangers  there,  sir. 
(Points  to  SIDNEY'S  desk.) 

FINDLEY.  (Glaring  at  flowers  on  SIDNEY'S  desk) 
Are  those  hydrangeas? 

SAUNDERS.     Yes,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  Then  why  the  devil  didn't  you  say  so 

before  I Now  go  over  there  and  get  the  damn 

things  and  bring  them  over  here  where  they  belong. 
(Grabs  pot  from  SIDNEY'S  desk,  crossing  stage, 
places  them  on  table  left  as  SAUNDERS  takes  pot  from 
table  L.  and  replaces  it  on  SIDNEY'S  desk.) 

FINDLEY.  You  want  me  to  do  everything.  (Sud 
denly  looking  at  the  centre  table.)  Now,  where's 
the  cake.  Gray —  (DOUGLAS  opens  door  -for 
GRAY,  who  enters  door  R.  with  cake.) 

GRAY.  Here  it  is,  sir.  (A  birthday  cake  with 
one  lone  candle.) 

FINDLEY.  Well,  will  you  put  it  in  the  centre  of 
the  table  there?  (GRAY  does  so.)  And  will  you 
light  that  candle?  \Ve're  ready  for  the  coffee  now. 

GRAY.  (Lighting  candle  on  cake)  We're  all 
ready. 

FINDLEY.  (Admiring  the  floivers  on  large  table 
left)  Saunders,  these  are  beautiful!  Really,  they 
are  exquisite,  and  these  here — (Turning  to  mantel 
piece) — are  perfectly  wonderful !  (Dances  from  the 
room  like  a  happy  gazelle.) 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.  Will  you  look  at  that!  Why, 
they've  all  gone  crazy ! 

(Enter  DOUGLAS,  door  R.,  with  wine-glasses  and  de 
canter  on  tray ;  crosses  doztm  c.  and  places  same 
on  table.) 

GRAY.     I  don't  mind  it  so  much,  Mrs.  Saunders. 


48  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

(Arranges  table  at  c.)  But  I  can't  understand  it, 
after  all  these  years  of  peace.  It's  a  revelation! 

MRS.  SAUNDERS.  It's  a  revolution,  Mr.  Gray! 
That's  what  it  is! 

GRAY.     Well,  have  it  your  own  way. 

DOUGLAS.  (Crossing  up  to  door  c.)  They're  all 
ready.  (GRAY  follows  him  up — DOUGLAS  on  R., 
GRAY  on  L. — both  open  doors  and  exit.) 

JUDGE.  We  shouldn't  laugh  at  her,  boys — this  is 
a  serious  matter. 

(SIDNEY  and  the  Three  Wise  Men  are  seen  seated 
around  a  table  in  an  exquisite  Adams  dining- 
room;  they  have  finished  their  dinner,  waiting 
for  coffee.  SIDNEY  is  seated  at  the  centre,  with 
back  to  audience.  FINDLEY  is  on  her  left,  the 
doctor  on  the  right  and  the  JUDGE  back  centre. 
SIDNEY  is  now  beautifully  gowned  in  shell  pink 
— she  is  hardly  recognisable — she  is  transformed. 
MRS.  SAUNDERS  exits  left  second  entrance.) 

JUDGE.  Now,  Sidney,  in  the  case  United  States 
vs.  Moss,  what  do  you  think  would  have  happened 
if  Latimer  hadn't  testified? 

SIDNEY.  I  think  that  Moss  would  have  been  ac 
quitted. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Placing  down  napkin)  Oh,  do  drop 
law  for  a  little  while,  Sidney. 

FINDLEY.  Listen,  dear,  you  have  us  at  a!  disad 
vantage  ;  we  want  our  coffee,  but  we  can't  leave  the 
table  until  you  do. 

SIDNEY.  (Putting  down  napkin  and  rising)  I 
beg  your  pardon.  I  suppose  when  I  begin  asking 

questions  then (She  comes  in  room  and  sees 

all  the  decorations — she  sees  that  room  is  decorated 
in  her  honor — a  pause.)  Why !  What  is  it  ?  (Looks 
all  about.)  What  does  it  mean?  (Comes  down 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  49 

stage.  Three  Wise  Men  follow  her  to  door,  stand 
ing  a  step  above  and  observing  SIDNEY. ) 

FINDLEY.     (Sentimentally)     Can't  you  guess? 

SIDNEY.  No,  all  the  ones  that  I  liked  best  at  the 
flower  show  this  afternoon.  It's  like  a  garden. 

JUDGE.  (Placing  chair  at  left  of  table  for  SID 
NEY,)  Madame 

FINDLEY.  Be  seated.  (They  make  much  ado 
about  seating  SIDNEY. ) 

JUDGE.     (Indicating  chair)    By  me. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Well,  I  guess  I  can  sit  close  to  her 
too.  (Sits  on  SIDNEY'S  left.  FINDLEY  runs  around 
the  table  and  tries  to  sit  on  the  JUDGE'S  chair,  but 
the  JUDGE  is  before  him — he  then  draws  a  chair  up 
R.  of  table  and  sits  opposite  her.) 

JUDGE.    Now  this  is  a  festival  in  your  honor. 

SIDNEY.     My  honor? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes,  this  is  your  birthday.  (Draws 
chair  near  SIDNEY. ) 

SIDNEY.     Birthday?     (Looking  surprised.) 

FINDLEY.  Yes,  you  have  been  here  exactly  one 
month  to-day,  so  we  are  celebrating. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes,  madame,  this  is  your  luna-ver- 
sary. 

JUDGE.  Hence  the  lunatics.  Before  you  descended 
from  above  upon  us  we  were  quite  normal,  and  I 
may  say  useful  citizens,  but  now  we  have  become 
three  sentimental  maniacs. 

DR.  GAUNT.  You  know,  it  is  being  borne  in  on 
me  with  a  painful  realization  the  truth  of  that  an 
cient  platitude,  "there  are  no  fools  like  old  fools." 
(All  laugh.) 

SIDNEY.    But  you're  not  old.    Really,  you're  not. 

JUDGE.  Up,  boys !  (All  three  rise.)  Madame,  we 
are  dust  at  your  feet.  (They  bow  as  one  man  with 
courtly  grace  and  resume  their  seats.)  I  propose  a 
toast  to  our  young  godsend 


50  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

DR.  GAUNT  and  FINDLEY.  Bravo!  Speech! 
Speech ! 

TUDGE.  Speaking  for  your  financial  manager  on 
your  right,  your  court  physician  on  your  left,  I,  as 
your  legal  advisor,  thank  you  in  their  names  and 
my  own  for  what  you  have  done  for  us.  (Applause.) 
As  for  me,  madame — I  am  reborn.  Our  quack  is  a 
living  proof  of  his  own  philosophy  and  see  how 
you've  humanized  that  ancient  fossil  there — (Points 
to  FINDLEY,).  See  the  color  and  sparkle  in  his  face. 
Our  eminent  psychologist  has  proven  his  theory  be 
yond  the  shadow  of  a  doubt  that  we  needed  youth 
and  inspiration  to  haul  us  out  of  our  ruts. 

FINDLEY.  Ruts,  with  your  permission,  Mr.  Toast- 
master 

JUDGE.     But  I- 


FINDLEY.     (Rising)    Or  without  it 

JUDGE.     (Sits)    All  right. 

FINDLEY.  I  would  like  to  say  a  word  on  the  sub 
ject  of  ruts.  (Applause.)  A  month  ago  our  emi 
nent  psychologist  told  me  I  was  dead,  but  they 
hadn't  buried  me  yet.  He  said  I  was  a  mass  of  ruts, 
but  if  I  had  enough  excitement  and  tonic  emotion 
and  buttercups  and  daisies  I  might  live  on  forever. 
Naturally  at  the  time  I  thought  he  was  hopelessly 
insane.  I  now  apologize  to  him  publicly — I  was  a 
mass  of  ruts — I  was  dead  and  didn't  know  it.  But 
after  taking  his  wonderful  tonic  emotions — (Goes 
over  and  pats  SIDNEY'S  shoulders) — for  four  short 
weeks,  I  now  confidently  expect  to  live  on  forever — 
and  the  next  buttercup  I  find  I'm  going  to  roll 
among  it. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Rises)  Your  apology  is  accepted ! 
(Bows.) 

JUDGE.  (Rises)  And  we  realize  we  owe  the  great 
change  to  you !  So  having  proved  yourself  capable 
as  well  as  ornamental,  my  friend  on  my  right  will 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  51 

now  resign  his  position  here  as  housekeeper,  in  fa 
vor  of  you. 

FINDLEY.     (Rises)    Right  gladly. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Rises,  takes  SIDNEY  up)  Here, 
here! 

JUDGE.  And  will  relinquish  his  office  by  present 
ing  you  with  the  keys  of  this  house.  (DR.  GAUNT 
passes  SIDNEY  over  to  FINDLEY,  who  is  right  c.) 

FINDLEY.  And  here  they  are.  (Pulls  out  a  bunch 
of  keys  on  a  metal  ring  from  his  pocket  and  drops 
them  into  her  extended  hand — among  the  keys  is  the 
police-whistle.) 

SIDNEY.  (Taking  keys  and  examining  same) 
What  a  lot  of  them! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes,  and  she  hasn't  an  idea  which  is 
which. 

SIDNEY.  Yes,  I  have.  Saunders  has  taken  me 
all  over  the  house  and  shown  me.  (Looks  at  police 
whistle.)  Why,  what's  this? 

FINDLEY.     That's  a  police  whistle. 

SIDNEY.     Oh — oh,  dear 

FINDLEY.  And  I'll  tell  you  what  it's  for.  If  that 
old  chatterbox  over  there ! — (Pointing  to  the  doc 
tor) — ever  tries  to  explain  his  theories  of  life  to 
you,  you  are  to  blow  on  this  and  fhe  Judge  and  I 
will  rush  in  and  save  you!  (All  laugh.) 

DR.  GAUNT.    Oh,  really! 

(SIDNEY  starts  up  to  her  desk  to  put  keys  in  the 
drawer  up  R.C.,  between  large  folding  doars  and 
door  R.J 

FINDLEY.    Where  are  you  going? 

SIDNEY.  (Who  is  upstage)  I'm  going  to  put 
them  in  my  desk.  So  I  won't  forget  them.  (Crosses 
back  to  chair  left  of  table  c.  Places  keys  in  desk — 
crosses  back  to  chair  L.  of  table  c.  FINDLEY.  DR. 


52  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

GAUNT  and  JUDGE  cross  to  table  C.R.,  standing  in 
oblique  line.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Now  a  toast  to  our  new  house 
keeper!  (The  Three  Wise  Men  each  take  a  glass 
of  wine  that  is  already  poured  out  and  face  SID 
NEY.) 

JUDGE.  (Raising  his  glass  and  staying  him  with 
a  gesture)  Sidney  Fairchild,  wishing  you  eternal 
youth ! 

FINDLEY.     (Raising  his  glass  aloft)    Long  life ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Raising  his  glass)  And  happiness 
— no  heel  taps.  (All  drink.) 

(After  drink  JUDGE  crosses  to  chair  c.  behind  table. 
SIDNEY  is  standing  in  front  of  her  chair  L.C.  of 
table.  DR.  GAUNT  crosses  to  the  side  of  SID 
NEY,  picks  up  cake-knife  from  table  c.,  handing 
her  knife.  FINDLEY  reseats  himself  R.  of  table 
c.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Now,  Sidney,  the  cake.  (About  to- 
cut  same.) 

FINDLEY.  (Stopping  him,  who  is  seated  right  of 
table  c.;  JUDGE  c.  of  table;  SIDNEY  L.  of  JUDGE;  the 
doctor  extreme  L.J  Now,  before  you  cut  the  cake 

or. blow  out  the  candle To-night  we  are  going 

to  take  you You  tell  her,  jimmy.  (Slight 

pause — he  leans  back  in  his  chair  as  she  looks  from 
one  to  the  other.) 

DR.  GAUNT.     Oh,  yes,  you  tell  her. 

JUDGE.  (Solemnly)  We  are  taking  you  to-night 
to  hear  your  first  grand  opera. 

SIDNEY.  (Gasping)  That  is  why  you've  given 
me  this  new  gown !  (She  places  her  hand  carelessly 
upon  table — DR.  GAUNT  takes  same,  patting  it  af 
fectionately.) 

FINDLEY.  Exactly,  because  you're  going  to  sit  in 
the  front  of  the  box. 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  S3 

SIDNEY.     (Puzzled)     A  box? 

JUDGE.  A  box  is  a  separate  space  partitioned  off 
where  we  can  all  sit  together  comfortably.  (Looks 
at  the  doctor,  who  is  holding  SIDNEY^S  hand.)  And 
perhaps  I  may  have  my  chance  at  holding  your 
hand. 

FINDLEY.  Yes,  that's  right.  (Rises,  crossing 
SIDNEY  in  front  of  table  c.  to  L.J  Now  it's  my  turn 
to  have  my  hand  held. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Who  has  been  holding  her  hand 
throughout  this  scene)  No,  no,  I  protest !  (Wav 
ing  FINDLEY  aside.)  This  is  a  question  of  my  lady's 
preference. 

FINDLEY.  I  stand  on  my  rights.  I  appeal  to  the 
bench.  (Indicating  the  JUDGE.,) 

DR.  GAUNT.     Judge? 

JUDGE.  Dick,  you  must  obey  the  laws  of  equity. 
Let  go  that  hand  !  (The  doctor  does  so.  FINDLEY  in 
a  very  jovial  manner  raises  the  doctor  from  seat, 
pushing  him  to  the  right,  taking  the  doctor's  seat  at 
L.  of  table  c.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (To  the  JUDGE,)  But  what  about 
your  hand? 

JUDGE.    Never  mind  my  hand. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Wait  till  we  get  in  the  box.  (All 
seated;  JUDGE  is  holding  SIDNEY'S  right  hand;  FIND- 
LEY  is  holding  her  left — pause.) 

SIDNEY.     Just  we  four  are  going? 

DR.  GAUNT.    (Gaily)    Yes,  just  we  four. 

SIDNEY.     (Pause)     Oh 

FINDLEY.  (Sharply)  Here,  what  made  you  say 
that? 

SIDNEY.  Nothing — I  thought  there  were  more 
than  four  seats  in  a  box. 

DR.  GAUNT.  There  are,  but  what  of  it?  I  sup 
pose  you  want  to  invite  the  cook,  and  Saunders,  and 
Douglas,  and  Gray ! 

SIDNEY.     (Smiling)    Now  you're  making  fun  of 


54  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

me  again.  I  think  it's  all  too  wonderful  just  as  it 
is,  only 

FINDLEY.     Only — only  what? 

SIDNEY.  I  thought  Gordon  was  coming  to  see 
you  to-night? 

FINDLEY.  (Rises,  crossing  to  the  left  corner)  I 
knew  it,  I  knew  it! 

(As  FINDLEY  leaves  his  chair,  the  doctor  rises  quick 
ly  and,  stealing  FINDLEY^S  chair,  takes  SIDNEY'S 
hand.  FINDLEY  sees  this  and  tries  to  oust  him 
out  of  the  chair;  general  laugh  from  all.) 

JUDGE.    Well,  Gordon  is  not  asked. 

(DR.  GAUNT  has  noticed  for  the  first  time  that  SID 
NEY  is  wearing  her  blue  satin  slippers.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (To  SIDNEY)  No,  indeed,  he  isn't. 
Hello — why  are  you  wearing  your  blue  slippers? 

SIDNEY.  (Surprised)  They're  the  only  ones  I 
have. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh,  no,  they're  not.  Grandpa 
Teddy  and  I  ordered  plain  pink  satin  fellows  to  go 
with  this  dress. 

SIDNEY.     I  haven't  seen  them. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Oh,  I  am  sorry  they  haven't  come 
in  time.  Never  mind. 

SIDNEY.    But  I  love  these  buckles. 

(Enter  DOUGLAS  L.C.  entrance  with  tray  containing 
trick  coffee-pot,  pearl  necklace  in  same — four 
cups  and  saucers  for  serving  cm  tray,  crosses  to 
centre  back  of  table,  places  same  between  JUDGE 
and  SIDNEY.) 

FINDLEY.    We  were  assured  by  an  extremely  un- 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  55 

pleasant  young  man  that  plain  slippers  were  more  the 
fashion  for  debutantes. 

SIDNEY.    But  they'll  never  be  noticed  from  a  box. 

DR.  GAUNT.    Ah !  the  coffee. 

FINDLEY.  Coffee !  Coffee !  Coffee !  (Runs  from 
L.  to  R.,  resuming  his  old  position.) 

SIDNEY.  Yes.  (Takes  up  silver  coffee-pot  and 
starts  to  pour,  tipping  it  slightly — no  coffee  comes. 
She  turns  and  looks  at  DOUGLAS.)  Why,  Douglas, 
there's  none  in  it ! 

FINDLEY.  (Fairly  wiggling  with  excitement) 
Keep  at  it. 

(JUDGE,  DR.  GAUNT  and  FINDLEY  eagerly  watch  ex 
pressions  on  SIDNEY'S  face.  SIDNEY  turns  the 
pot  upside  down,  cover  falls  open  and  out  drops 
pearl  necklace  on  the  table.  She  stares  at  it, 
unable  to  speak,  then  lifts  it  up,  exclaiming, 
"Oh!"  DOUGLAS  takes  coffee-pot  and  tray  and 
exits  c.  through  sliding  doors — returns  imme 
diately  with  a  real  coffee-pot  filled  with  hot 
coffee,  crosses  and  places  on  table  left,  back  of 
flowers.  SIDNEY,  overcome,  starts  crying  si 
lently.) 

FINDLEY.  (Rising)  Handkerchiefs!  Handker 
chiefs  !  (All  rise  and  crowd  about  her,  producing 
handkerchiefs.  The  JUDGE  back  of  her,  FINDLEY  R. 
and  the  doctor  L.  They  all  give  her  their  handker 
chiefs.  She  takes  the  doctor's  and  JUDGE'S  handker 
chiefs  and  weeps  on  them.) 

FINDLEY.  Here!  What's  the  matter  with  mine? 
(SIDNEY  gropes  for  it.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  I'm  afraid  we've  sprung  it  on  her 
too  suddenly. 

FINDLEY.  Here!  You're  not  crying  on  mine  at 
all !  (She  turns  them  all  over  and  cries  on  his.) 

JUDGE.     Nor  mine! 


56  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

DR.  GAUNT.     Nor  mine! 

SIDNEY.  (Bus.  of  handing  handkerchief  back  to 
FiNDLEvJ  Thank  you !  (Handing  handkerchief  to 
JUDGED  Thank  you!  (Handing  handkerchief  to 
the  doctor.)  Thank  you ! 

FINDLEY.     Here!     This  is  not  mine! 

DR.  GAUNT.  No,  this  isn't  mine !  Here,  Teddy — 
give  me  that  one ! 

FINDLEY.  (Reaching  for  it  from  the  doctor) 
This  is  mine.  This  is  the  one  she  cried  on  last! 
(Ad  lib.  through  scene  until  laugh  dies.) 

SIDNEY.  (Drying  her  eyes  manfully)  Please, 
may  I  make  a  speech? 

JUDGE,  DOCTOR  and  FINDLEY.  Bravo!  Hear! 
Hear!  Speech!  (The  three  applaud;  she  pauses, 
looking  at  them — they  resume  their  seats,  paying 
strict  attention  to  what  she  is  about  to  say;  she  looks 
at  the  jewels  before  her,  struggling  manfully  to  hold 
back  her  tears.)  You — you  can  never  realize  it, 
but  to  me  it's  been  like  coming  out  of  the  hopeless 
dark  into  sunlight  to  have  come  here.  (She  falters 
and  shivers — turning  to  them  again.)  Mother  told 
me  you  three  were  the  most  chivalrous  men  she'd 
ever  known  because  it's  in  your  hearts.  (They  bow 
their  heads;  she  pauses.)  She  was  right.  Why,  you 
haven't  asked  me  a  question — just  taken  me  on 
trust.  Oh,  if  you  could  only  know  what  that  meant! 
I  don't  want  pearl  necklaces — (Looks  down  at  them) 
— I  just  want  to  stay  here  with  you  forever  and 

ever   and   ever (She   leans   over   and    kisses 

FINDLEY  on  the  forehead — turns  and  kisses  the  doc 
tor  on  the  forehead,  and  crosses  in  front  of  table  to 
JUDGE,  who  is  seated  right  of  table  c. — kisses  him 
on  forehead,  climbing  into  the  JUDGE'S  lap,  lays  her 
head  on  his  immaculate  shirt  front  and  sobs  in  his 
arms;  the  others  drink  their  champagne  and  look 
extremely  uncomfortable.) 
JUDGE.  There,  there 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  57 

SIDNEY.    (Inarticulately)    Da — da,  da — boo — boo 


JUDGE.  (Softly,  as  he  pets  her)  Of  course,  pre 
cisely. 

SIDNEY.    I  didn't  mean  to  do  it. 

JUDGE.  (Same  business)  Quite  right,  we  all 
agree  with  you. 

(Suddenly  SIDNEY  realizes  that  she  has  been  crying, 
tries  to  recover  herself,  drying  her  eyes  and 
after  a  pause,  when  she  forces  laughter.) 

SIDNEY.    Please  forgive  me.    I  couldn't  help  it.    I 
just  spilled  over,  didn't  I? 
ALL.     Yes,  yes,  of  course,  of  course. 

(SIDNEY  rises,  crosses  in  front  of  FINDLEY,  who  is 
centre,  back  of  table.  FINDLEY  grabs  her  in  his 
arms  and  places  her  on  his  lap.  DR.  GAUNT 
takes  necklace  from  table  and  places  it  on  SID 
NEY'S  neck.) 

SIDNEY.    (Brightening)    Now  may  I  see  them  ? 

DR.  GAUNT.    Yes,  of  course!    There  they  are. 

SIDNEY.    They're  beautiful ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Now  let  me  put  them  on  for  you, 
Sidney.  There!  (Fastens  string  of  pearls  on  her 
neck.  JUDGE  takes  cake-knife,  polishes  it  with  his 
napkin,  and  gives  it  to  SIDNEY,  who  looks  into  it, 
admiring  the  necklace.) 

SIDNEY.     How  alive  they  look! 

(DR.  GAUNT  goes  left  to  table — pours  out  cup  of 
coffee.) 

FINDLEY.  (Who  still  has  SIDNEY  on  his  lap) 
Yes,  we  were  each  going  to  buy  you  a  separate  pres 
ent,  but  they  wouldn't  let  me  give  you  the  best  one. 


58  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

So  to  avoid  friction  I  decided  we'd  make  it  a  three- 
in-one  gift. 

(Enter  GORDON  door  R.) 
GORDON.    Hello,  folks! 

(SIDNEY  rises,  watching  GORDON — goes  down  right 
of  sofa  R.J 

JUDGE.     Hello,  Gordon. 

FINDLEY.     (Sourly)     How  did  you  get  in  here? 
GORDON.     (Crosses  to  R.c.j     With  my  new  latch 
key. 

FINDLEY.    Latch-key?      Where  did  you  get  it? 
GORDON.     Gray  had  it  made  for  me. 

(FINDLEY  crosses  over  to  table  L.,  pours  out  small 
cup  of  coffee,  joins  the  doctor,  who  is  at  fire 
place  L.) 

JUDGE.  (Happily)  Well,  Gordon,  you're  in  luck. 
Just  in  time  for  some  cake. 

GORDON.  (Looking  at  it)  For  heaven's  sake, 
what's  happened  here? 

JUDGE.     A  birthday. 

GORDON.  Good !  Many  happy  returns !  Whose 
birthday  is  it? 

FINDLEY.  (Who  is  in  front  of  table  L. )  Sidney's, 
you  poor  idiot!  (JUDGE  crosses  to  fireplace  L.) 

GORDON.  (Delighted — goes  over  to  SIDNEY  at  RV 
taking  small  chair  from  table  c.)  Sidney's?  Then 
it's  a  real  party ! 

SIDNEY.  (Looking  at  GORDON)  Look  at  my 
luna-present.  (Shows  pearl  necklace  on  her.) 

GORDON.  Oh,  I  say,  they  have  come  across !  And 
so  they  should.  Bully  for  them !  I'm  proud  of 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  59 

them!  (SIDNEY  showing  her  pearls,  both  become 
unconscious  of  their  surroundings.) 

SIDNEY.  (In  low  voice)  You  haven't  noticed 
my  new  dress. 

GORDON.     Oh,  yes,  I  have. 

SIDNEY.  (Sits  on  settee  R.)  You  didn't  say  any 
thing. 

GORDON.  (Sits  in  chair  he  has  taken  from  table — 
he  looks  at  her,  up  and  down  and  then  in  her  eyes) 
I  didn't  think  it  was  necessary.  I  thought  you'd 
know  what  I  felt. 

(SIDNEY  laughs,  which  attracts  the  attention  of 
FINDLEY,  JUDGE  and  the  doctor.  GORDON  whis 
pers  in  her  ear.) 

FINDLEY.  (At  their  exchange  of  glances)  Well, 
I'll  be  damned! 

SIDNEY.    Do  you  really  like  it  as  much  as  that  ? 

GORDON.     (Nodding  at  her)     Hah,  ha! 

JUDGE.  (Going  up  L.  over  to  R.)  There's  some 
thing  the  matter  with  the  bridge  of  my  nose. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Placing  cup  doztm  on  mantel; 
FINDLEY  does  likewise;  JUDGE  places  his  cup  on 
tray,  which  is  on  table  Lj  Exactly.  (Rubs  nose.) 
A  clear  case  of  out  of  joint.  (All  three  walk  abreast 
across  stage  behind  GORDON.  FINDLEY  grabs  GOR 
DON,  pulls  him  away,  forces  him  to  extreme  left  of 
stage.) 

FINDLEY.    Go  away,  Gordon,  go  away ! 

(JUDGE  takes  SIDNEY,  brings  her  to  centre.) 

JUDGE.  You  sit  right  down  here  and  cut  that 
cake. 

(Enter  DOUGLAS  through  c.  door,  goes  to  mantel, 
takes  cups  and  saucers,  places  them  on  tray,  and 


60  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

during  action  of  scene  exits  c.  door,  taking  tray, 
coffee,  etc.,  with  him.  The  doctor  is  on  the 
R.  of  table  c. — JUDGE  behind  SIDNEY;  FIND- 
LEY  left  of  table  c.) 

GORDON.    Uncle,  where  were  you  this  afternoon? 

FINDLEY.     (Turning  to  GORDON)     How's  that? 

GORDON.    You  got  yourself  in  a  fine  mess. 

FINDLEY.  (Icily — crossing  to  L.C.)  What  do  you 
mean? 

GORDON.  (Grimly)  Do  you  remember  calling  a 
directors'  meeting  this  afternoon  at  four  o'clock? 

FINDLEY.     (With  a  violent  start)     Good  God ! 

DR.  GAUNT.     Teddy! 

SIDNEY.  (Rises)  Oh (She  crosses  to  her 

ivriting-desk,  gets  glass  jar  which  is  half  full  of 
coins,  comes  back  to  table  c.,  extending  it  toward 
FINDLEY.  He  realises  that  he  has  svvorn,  puts  hand 
in  pocket,  takes  out  a  quarter,  crosses  to  SIDNEY, 
props  coin  in  glass  jar — general  laugh.  SIDNEY, 
with  a  look  to  indicate  that  she  will  stop  his  su'ear- 
ing,  crosses  back  to  her  desk,  placing  jar  on  same, 
then  rejoins  the  JUDGE.  FINDLEY  crosses  back  to 
GORDON.) 

GORDON.  I  never  saw  an  angrier  bunch  of  men 
in  my  life! 

FINDLEY.  (In  real  dismay)  I  forgot  all  about 
them.  Gordon,  what  did  you  do? 

GORDON.  Well,  I  had  the  proxy  and  I  stalled  them. 
But  I  had  an  awful  job  squaring  you.  Now  where 
were  you? 

FINDLEY.  (Sheepishly)  Er — er — ah — um — I  had 
to  take  Sidney  to  see  the  flower  show.  It  was  the 
last  day. 

GORDON.  Flower  show?  Listen,  Uncle.  True 
education  is  in  learning  to  do  the  thing  you  don't 
want  to  do  at  the  time  you  don't  want  to  do  it. 

DR.    GAUNT.      (Enthusiastically)      That's    right, 


6i 

Gordon!  Sic  'em!  Hit  him  again!  He  has  no 
friends ! 

SIDNEY.  (Rising)  Yes,  he  has!  Don't  scold 
him,  Gordon.  (Crosses  to  fireplace  and  joins  GOR 
DON.  )  Have  a  piece  of  cake? 

GORDON.  (Sputtering)  Thanks.  What  use  is 
he —  (Pantomime  between  SIDNEY  and  GORDON.^) 

JUDGE.  (At  c.  of  table  with  FINDLEY  and  thel 
doctor — sotto  voice)  You'll  make  a  business  man 
of  him  yet. 

FINDLEY.  (Sees  GORDON  in  conversation  with 
SIDNEY)  Look,  Jimmy,  look — he's  at  it  again !  He's 
at  it  again ! 

DR.  GAUNT.    Look,  Jimmy! 

JUDGE.  (Crosses  to  table  L.J  Ahem !  I  beg  your 
pardon!  I  don't  want  to  interrupt  you!  (Aloud) 
Gordon,  eat  your  cake  and  go  home ! 

GORDON.  Home?  Well,  I  like  that !  Why,  what's 
up? 

FINDLEY.     We're  going  out  this  evening. 

GORDON.    Oh !    Are  we  ? 

FINDLEY.     No,  we  are. 

GORDON.    Well,  where  are  we  going? 

JUDGE.  We  are  taking  Sidney  to  hear  her  first 
grand  opera.  (Takes  SIDNEY  R.C.J 

GORDON.  Poor  girl !  Grand  opera !  Why  didn't 
you  take  her  to  a  musical  comedy?  Never  mind, 
Sidney,  I'll  help  out  all  I  can.  (Crossing  to  SID 
NEY.  )  I'll  go  with  you. 

FINDLEY.    Young  man,  you're  not  asked. 

GORDON.  I  know  that,  but  I'll  be  there.  (Crosses 
to  FINDLEY  c.)  What's  the  number  of  the  box? 

FINDLEY.     I'll  not  tell  you. 

GORDON.    Well,  I'll  find  it. 

FINDLEY.  (Slapping  GORDON  on  back  and  push 
ing  him  L.  to  mantel)  Run  along,  now.  We're  in  a 
hurry — we'll  be  late! 


62  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

(General  laugh  from  all.  GORDON  crosses  over  to 
fireplace.  SIDNEY  is  at  extreme  R.  FINDLEY  has 
crossed  to  table  L.  JUDGE  is  centre.  The  doc 
tor  between  FINDLEY  and  the  JUDGE. ) 

FINDLEY.  We'd  better  get  ready.  We  mustn't 
be  late. 

JUDGE.  (Crossing  up  L.c.j  Plenty  of  time. 
(Turns  back  to  SIDNEY.)  But  don't  take  too  long, 
Sidney,  dear. 

SIDNEY.     Why,  I'm  quite  ready.     (Faces  them.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Remember  this  is  an  important  oc 
casion.  Don't  forget  your  gloves — the  long  ones. 

SIDNEY.     Oh,  yes 

JUDGE.  And  the  lorgnette — and  your  fan — that's 
important — ladies  must  always  carry  fans  in  a  box. 

FINDLEY.  (Crosses  to  table)  Yes,  so  they  may 
talk  behind  them  during  the  heavy  spots.  Oh,  and 
don't  forget — the  orchilds  we  got  at  the 

GORDON.  Directors'  meeting  this  afternoon !  (All 
laugh.  He  crosses  down  quickly  to  mantel  as  FIND- 
LEY  makes  a  motion  as  if  to  chastise  him.) 

JUDGE.  (Looking  at  SIDNEY,)  Boys,  it's  like  the 
old  days! 

DR.  GAUNT.    Porthos !     (Extends  hand.) 

FINDLEY.    (Extending  hand)    Athos! 

JUDGE.     (Taking  both  of  their  hands)    Aramis — 

ALL.  One  for  all  and  all  for  one!  (Clasping 
hands. ) 

(Forming  line,  they  exit,  singing  the  Soldiers' 
Chorus  from  "Faust."  Exit  upstairs  into  li 
brary,  which  is  door  left  3E.  A  pause.  Enter 
GRAY  from  dining-room  c.,  arranging  tray  with 
glasses  and  decanter  to  take  them  away.) 

GRAY.  Mrs.  Saunders  sent  me  to  tell  you  your 
pink  satin  slippers  have  arrived. 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  63 

SIDNEY.     Thank  you,  Gray. 

GRAY.  She  laid  them  on  your  dressing-table, 
Miss.  (Puts  chair  up  R.C.  SIDNEY  starts  to  run 
upstairs — GORDON  intercepts  her  at  foot  of  stairs.) 

GORDON.  One  moment,  please.  Gray,  Miss  Fair- 
child  will  ring  when  to  clear  away. 

GRAY.  Very  good,  sir.  Thank  you,  sir.  Beg 
pardon,  really,  I'm  sure.  (Retires  discreetly  with 
tray  containing  decanter  and  glasses  of  -wine  into 
dining-room  c.,  closing  doors  behind  him.  GORDON 
and  SIDNEY  wait  till  he  exits — turn  and  look  at  each 
other.) 

GORDON.  You  haven't  blown  out  your  birthday 
candle.  (He  has  crossed  to  the  R.  of  table  c.) 

SIDNEY.     (Crossing  to  him)    Must  I? 

GORDON.  (Raises  cake,  holding  it  up  to  her)  Oh, 
yes.  (SIDNEY  is  about  to  blow  out  candle.)  Wait — 
you  must  make  a  wish  first. 

SIDNEY.     (Going  to  table)    All  right. 

GORDON.    Have  you  a  wish  ? 

SIDNEY.     (Pauses)     Yes ! 

GORDON.    Have  you  wished  it? 

SIDNEY.     Now  I  have! 

GORDON.    Go  ahead,  then — blow  it  out! 

SIDNEY.  (He  raises  cake;  she  blows  out  the 
candle.)  I  wonder  if  it  will  come  true? 

GORDON.  (Sincerely)  If  it's  what  I  hope  it  is,  I 
hope  it  will ! 

SIDNEY.  I'll  let  you  know  if  it  does.  (She  starts 
to  run  upstairs.) 

GORDON.  (Following  her)  Oh,  Sidney — tell  me, 
what  was  it? 

SIDNEY.  It  mightn't  come  true  if  I  tell.  (Run 
ning  back  of  table,  crosses  down  to  fireplace  and 
sofa — GORDON  crosses  down  c.) 

GORDON.  Why  do  you  always  run  away  from 
me? 

SIDNEY.    I  don't. 


64  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

GORDON.  You  do  whenever  we're  alone.  Of 
course  we  hardly  ever  are  alone.  These  three 
guardsmen — look  out  for  that.  But  when  I  do  have 
a  moment  with  you,  you  seem  to  want  to  avoid  me. 

SIDNEY.  (Goes  to  GORDON  )  I'm  not  avoiding 
you  now,  am  I? 

GORDON.     No,  that's  fine.    Now  sit  down. 

SIDNEY.    But  I've  got  to  get  ready. 

GORDON.  Just  a  minute — there's  something  I 
want  to  tell  you — something  about  you. 

SIDNEY.    (Sits)    About  me? 

GORDON.    Yes — what  you've  been  doing. 

SIDNEY.  (Alarmed)  What  I've  been  doing — 
why,  Gordon 

GORDON.  (Drawing  a  chair  up  and  sitting  near 
her)  What  you've  been  doing  for  these  three  wise 
men.  I've  watched  your  method  and  learned  a  lot 
from  you.  You  let  them  think  they're  managing 
and  laying  out  every  detail  of  your  life,  while  all 
the  time  you're  completely  changing  theirs,  and  they 
don't  even  realize  it. 

SIDNEY.     (Half  smiling)     Oh,  Gordon 

GORDON.  Everything  seems  to  have  gone  right 
since  you  came  here,  and,  somehow,  it's  all  without 
effort — Uncle's  house  accounts,  the  doctor's  appoint 
ments — and  you're  even  helping  the  Judge  with  his 
briefs.  Why,  Sidney,  you've  made  it  all  a  different 
house  in  one  short  month.  I've  found  now  how  to 
handle  my  job  at  the  office  by  watching  you  here. 

SIDNEY.     Watching  me? 

GORDON.  Yes — just  saying  nothing  but  keeping 
on  the  job  all  the  while  with  a  smile.  It's  a  won 
derful  scheme,  Sidney,  and  they're  beginning  to 
think  I'm  good  at  the  office.  To-day  I  got  my  first 
month's  wages.  (He  laughs.)  Never  earned  a  dol 
lar  before  in  my  life.  May  I  show  it  to  you? 

SIDNEY.    Why,  yes. 

GORDON.     (Takes  out  package  from  pocket,  un- 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  65 

wraps  it — it  contains  a  very  handsome  watch-case. 
He  opens  it  and  takes  out  a  small  wrist-watch — • 
holds  it  up  before  SIDNEY,  who  looks  at  it,  touched) 
Ifs  a  wrist-watch. 

SIDNEY.     (Pause)    Yes (Pause.) 

GORDON.     It's  for  you. 

SIDNEY.    You  spent  all  your  salary  for  that? 

GORDON.    Why,  don't  you  like  it? 

SIDNEY.  Of  course  I  do.  But  you  shouldn't 
have  done  it. 

GORDON.  It  was  the  very  best  thing  I  could  have 
done  with  it,  and  by  Jove !  now  it  can  be  a  birthday 
present.  (Reaches  for  her  hand — she,  not  realising 
what  he  is  about  to  do,  draws  away.)  I — I  want 
to  put  it  on 

SIDNEY.  Oh —  (GORDON  puts  watch  on  her 
wrist,  sighs.) 

GORDON.  Oh,  I  wish  it  were  something  to  go  on 
your  finger.  ( GORDON  leans  over,  grabs  her  hand 
and  kisses  it.  She  rises  quickly  and  draws  away 
from  him.) 

SIDNEY.     (Low  voice)     Please,  no 

GORDON.     Why  not? 

SIDNEY.  Gordon,  you — you  don't  know  me.  (He 
tries  to  embrace  her.) 

GORDON.     Yes,  I  do. 

SIDNEY.  (Crosses  to  c.,  speaking  at  same  time) 
Please  don't.  We  mustn't  think  of  each  other  that 
way. 

GORDON.  (Follows  her  to  centre)  But  it's  too 
late  to  say  that  now,  I  do  think  of  you  that  way  and 
you  know  it.  I  have -.thought  of  you  that  way  ever 
since  you  came  here  that  night.  Don't  you  care  a 
little  for  me,  don't  you,  Sidney?  Please  tell  me. 

SIDNEY.  (Hesitates  for  a  moment,  turns,  looks 
at  GORDONJ  I — I 

GORDON.    You  needn't  tell  me  now.     I  know  you 


66  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

do.     (Grabs  her  hands,  holds  them  up  to  him.)     It 
just  is — it's  bigger  than  either  of  us. 
SIDNEY.     Oh.  don't  say  that! 
GORDON.    Why  not?    You  know  it's  true !    (They 
look  at  each  other.) 

SIDNEY.  (Weakly)  Please  go  and  dress  like  a 
good  fellow. 

GORDON.     But  why? 

SIDNEY.  I'll  be  late,  and  I  mustn't  keep  them 
waiting.  (She  starts  up  to  the  stairs;  he  intercepts 
her.) 

GORDON.     Oh,  Sidney,  I 

SIDNEY.     Oh,  Gordon — we  must  be  sensible! 
GORDON.     (Smiling)    But  we  are.     (Takes  her  in 
his  arms,  draws  her  to  hint.)    What  would  be  more 
sensible   than   this,    I'd    like    to   know?      (Bending 

toivard  her.)    Please,  may  I 

SIDNEY.    (Weakening)    And — and — no (She 

turns  her  head  away.) 

GORDON.  (Still  holding  her — she  facing  front) 
I  promise  to  go  if  you  will.  (Pause.  GORDON  kisses 
her  upon  the  check.  Pause.  SIDNEY  turns,  looks 
into  GORDON'S  eyes,  places  both  arms  about  his  neck 
and  kisses  him;  embrace.  SIDNEY  clings  to  him  for 
a  moment.) 

SIDNEY.  Gordon,  oh,  dear — I've  tried  to  be  care 
ful,  and  now  it's  all  gone  and  happened 

GORDON.  (Kissing  her  again — not  so  aivkzvardly) 
In  spite  of  us.  (She  looks  at  him  tenderly;  he 
kisses  her  on  the  eyes,  nose,  fairly  gobbles  her  up 
with  kisses.  She  fights  herself  clear.) 

SIDNEY.  (Backing  away  from  him  to  R.  of  c.  up 
stage;  he  following  her)  Please  go  now — you  prom 
ised. 

GORDON.  (Gaily)  Just  one  more — just  one  more 
and  I'll  go.  (Trying  to  embrace  her.) 

SIDNEY.  (Pushing  him  off)  No,  no,  Gordon !  I 
want  to  show  you  something. 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  67 

GORDON.     (Dazed)     What? 

SIDNEY.  Why — why — oh —  (Looking  about 
room,  sees  desk,  runs  to  it — opens  drawer  and  pro 
duces  keys)  These. 

GORDON.     What  about  them? 

SIDNEY.     I  am  housekeeper  now. 

GORDON.     Housekeeper? 

SIDNEY.  Yes,  sir.  I'm  going  to  have  charge  of 
the  cellar,  linen,  silver,  keep  all  the  accounts,  and 
look  after  the  servants.  (Handing  keys  to  GORDON 
and  crossing  down  R.  to  chair  that  is  near  settee, 
facing  front.) 

GORDON.     In  that  case  you'd  better  watch  them. 

SIDNEY.     Watch  them,  why? 

GORDON.  Because  one  of  them  has  been  going 
out  late,  and  returning  before  you're  all  up.  (Places 
keys  on  table  centre.) 

SIDNEY.     What  makes  you  think  that? 

GORDON.     A  detective  told  ne. 

SIDNEY.  (Sitting  down  involuntarily)  A  detec 
tive? 

GORDON.  Oh !  (Crossing  to  her  R.C.)  I've  fright 
ened  you ! 

SIDNEY.  (Deathly  pale)  No,  not  frightened,  just 
surprised,  that's  all. 

GORDON.  Why,  didn't  you  know  this  house  was 
being  watched? 

SIDNEY.    Watched?    No,  wha — what  for? 

GORDON.  Judge  Trumbull — he  doesn't  know  it, 
but  they  think  his  life  is  in  danger.  You  see,  he's 
apt  to  be  severe  on  criminals,  and  they  don't  like 
him.  They  nearly  got  him  once  before,  so  I  guess 
that's  why  they're  being  careful.  (She  stares  at 
him.)  Oh,  I  have  frightened  you!  It's  nothing  at 
all.  Just  a  sort  of  precaution. 

SIDNEY.  (Rising.  In  a  quiet  voice)  I'm  not 
frightened. 


68  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

GORDON.  Good !  Then  give  me  one  more  and  I'll 
go.  (She  backs  from  him  toward  window.) 

SIDNEY.  (Smiling  with  an  effort)  No,  you 
don't ! 

GORDON.    Please 

SIDNEY.     Go  dress  or  you'll  be  late. 

GORDON.  You're  terribly  sensible.  (Goes  to  door 
R.  in  flat.)  Anyway,  there's  no  law  against  my  lov 
ing  you,  is  there?  (Blows  kiss  from  his  hand — exits 
door  R.  in  flat.  SIDNEY  peers  through  curtains  to 
get  sight  of  the  detective.) 

(Enter  GRAY  c.  from  dining-room — sees  SIDNEY  as 
he  is  crossing  to  door  R.) 

GRAY.  I  beg  pardon,  Miss,  the  door-bell.  (Exit 
door  Rj 

(At  GRAY'S  exit,  SIDNEY  pauses  for  a  moment, 
closes  curtains,  crosses  stage  back  of  table,  picks 
up  key-ring  with  keys  and  is  startled  by  the 
voice  of  GRAY.  Hearing  the  noise  in  the  hall, 
she  rushes  toward  curtains — at  window  again.) 

GRAY.  (In  hall — off  stage)  Just  a  moment,  sir! 
You  can't  come  in  here !  Ah,  let  go  my  throat ! 

(Dull  thud  is  heard  off  stage.  SIDNEY  peers  from 
curtains  just  in  time  to  see  GRAY  fall,  being 
blackjacked  by  BENNY  THE  DUCK;  as  he  falls 
she  screams — about  to  start  toward  centre.  En 
ter  BENNY  quickly — slams  door  behind  hian 
•with  revolver  in  hand — he  stops  SIDNEY,  j 

BENNY.  No,  you  don't — keep  quiet,  do  you  hear? 
(Aiming  pistol  at  her.) 

SIDNEY.      (Recognising  him — subdued)     Benny! 
BENNY.    Sidney! 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS 


69 


SIDNEY.    (In  horror)    Has  anything  happened  to 
my  father? 

BENNY.    No,  your  father's  all  right. 

I  was  afraid  he'd  been  caught 

But  what  are  you  doing  here? 

This  is  where  I  live. 

Where  you  live? 

Yes.     Didn't   father  tell  you  about — 


SIDNEY. 
BENNY. 
SIDNEY. 
BENNY. 
SIDNEY. 
that? 
BENNY. 
SIDNEY. 
BENNY. 
SIDNEY. 
BENNY. 


No. 

Then  why  are  you  here? 

Why,  ain't  this  Judge  Trumbull's  house  ? 

Yes. 

(Crosses  stage  in  front  of  table,  going 
up  to  electric  button  on  wall  L.  of  c.  door,  speaking 
at  the  same  time)  Then  you  get  out  of  here  quick ! 
Go  back  to  your  father.  Hurry,  now — take  it  on  the 
run  !  (Turning  out  lights.) 

(NOTE. — All  brackets,  foots  and  borders  out — noth 
ing  on  but  the  baby  spot — two  stand  lamps — 
fireplace  and  from  window.) 


SIDNEY. 
to  do? 

BENNY. 

SIDNEY. 

BENNY. 
friend? 

SIDNEY. 

BENNY. 

SIDNEY. 


(Crosses  to  him)     What  are  you  going 

That's  my  business. 
But,  Benny,  these  people  are  my  friends. 
Friends?      Is    Judge    Trumbull    your 


Yes. 

Where  is  he? 

What  do  you  want  of  the  Judge?  Oh — 
(As  she  steps  back  from  him — in  sudden  horror) 
It  can't  be  that  Judge  Trumbull's  the  man  you  told 
me  about? 

BENNY.  Yes,  he  is — he's  the  dog  that  sent  me  up. 
I've  been  waiting  ten  years  to  get  him,  damn  him! 
(Turns  away  from  her.) 


70  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

SIDNEY.  (She  catches  him,  turns  him  back  to  her) 
But  you  mustn't  harm  him  now,  Benny.  He's  be 
friended  me,  done  everything  for  me. 

BENNY.  It  won't  do  no  good  to  talk.  I  won't  let 
nothin'  stand  in  my  way.  I  swore  I'd  get  him  and 
this  is  my  chance. 

SIDNEY.  No,  no,  Benny!  You  must  go — I  beg 
of  you ! 

BENNY.     Tell  me  where  he  is. 

SIDNEY.    He's  gone  out. 

BENNY.  (Eyeing  her)  Yes,  he  has !  Is  he  out 
that  way?  Well,  I'll  look  out  here  to  make  sure. 
(Starts  for  door  left  as  SIDNEY  watches  him.  She 
does  not  move;  at  the  door  he  turns  and  looks  at 
her.)  He  ain't  out  there,  that's  certain.  He's  up 
stairs,  that's  where  he  is !  (He  quickly  runs  up  to 
the  top  of  the  stairs;  at  top  of  stairs  he  looks  over 
bannister  at  SIDNEY .)  He  ain't  up  here,  either,  eh? 
(Sees  library  door  for  the  first  time,  which  is  L.U. 
entrance.)  Where  does  that  door  lead  to? 

SIDNEY.  (With  a  little  cry,  rushes  up  to  library 
door — puts  her  back  against  it)  Benny — 

BENNY.  (In  triumph)  Oh,  so  that's  where  he  is, 
is  it?  (Comes  dmvnstairs  front,  facing  her.) 

SIDNEY.  No,  no!  Now  listen,  Benny!  You 
mustn't  harm  .the  Judge !  You  shan't ! 

BENNY.  I  shan't,  eh?  What's  the  reason  I 
shan't? 

SIDNEY.  I  won't  let  you!  I'll  stop  you  some 
how! 

BENNY.  We'll  see  about  that!  Get  away  from 
that  door! 

SIDNEY.     No ! 

BENNY.  Go  on,  now,  before  I—  (As  he  sees 
this  does  not  frighten  her,  he  changes  his  tone)  I 
don't  want  to  hurt  you,  Sidney- 


SIDNEY.     No,  Benny,  I  won't 

BENNY.    Then  I'll  have  to  make  you  !    (Grabbing 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  71 

her,  he  struggles  with  her  and  pushes  her  halfway 
downstairs,  where  she  gets  away  from  him,  after 
struggling,  and  rushes  to  window  R.  BENNY  turns 
quickly  back  to  library  door  and  gets  his  hand  on  the 
knob,  as  SIDNEY  blows  police  whistle.  BENNY  turns 
and  darts  after  her.  SIDNEY  rushes  to  door  R.C.;  as 
he  starts  after  her)  Damn  you !  What  are  you  do 
ing? 

SIDNEY.  I  had  to  do  it,  Benny!  You  made  me! 
I  had  to  do  it !  I  had  to  do  it ! 

BENNY.  (Catches  her  at  door)  The  bulls  are 
watching  this  house !  They'll  get  me  sure !  (Whis 
tle  blozvs  off  stage — BENNY  looks  front.) 

SIDNEY.     The  police! 

BENNY.  They've  heard  you!  It's  all  up!  I'm 
done  for! 

SIDNEY.    I  couldn't  help  it !    I  had  to  do  it ! 

BENNY.  And  your  father?  They'll  get  him! 
This  time  they'll  send  him  up  for  life! 

(Knocking  heard  off  stage  at  outer  door  by  POOLE, 
CLANCEY.  POLICEMAN  and  SPLEVIN.  Voices 
calling,  shouting.) 

SIDNEY.  (Crossing  stage,  quickly  follozved  by 
BENNY;  they  start  upstairs)  No,  no!  Listen, 
Benny  !  You  can  escape.  Come  quick !  I  can  help 
you!  (SIDNEY  and  BENNY  are  in  the  dark  upon 
the  second  flight  of  stairs  when  the  dining-room 
doors  are  suddenly  thrown  open,  knocking  from  out 
side  heard  very  loud.) 

(DOUGLAS  rushes  in,  closing  folding  doors  behind 
him,  and  runs  out  door  R. — as  he  opens  door  he 
sees  GRAY,  who  is  lying  full  length,  head  toward 
centre.  Outside,  seeing  GRAY,  he  exclaims) 

DOUGLAS.    Gray—         (The  knocking  is  still  con- 


72  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

tinned,  which  attracts  DOUGLAS'S  attention  and  he 
exits  to  right  as  if  to  unlock  door.) 

SIDNEY.  By  the  roof !  I've  got  the  keys !  Fol 
low  me !  Quickly !  Hurry !  (She  runs  upstairs, 
BENNY  folloiving — bang  is  heard  on  the  front  door, 
then  distant  voices.) 

VOICES.  What's  the  matter  in  there?  Here,  let 
me  in! 

(PooLE  enters  hurriedly,  crosses  stage  and  turns  up 
lights.  DOUGLAS  re-enters  immediately,  motions 
for  the  officer,  who  assists  him  in  placing  GRAY 
in  a  sitting  position  with  DOUGLAS  at  his  head, 
holding  him.  CLANCEY  rushes  on  stage  from 
door  right,  joining  POOLE.,) 

CLANCEY.    WTiat's  up,  Chief? 

POOLE.  (Comes  up  c.)  Benny  the  Duck  has  got 
by  us  some  way ! 

CLANCEY.  Well,  he  can't  get  out.  We've  got  a 
guard  around  the  house. 

POOLE.  We'll  make  a  search  for  him;  the  cellar 
first. 

CLANCEY.  Right  you  are.  (Goes  out  through 
hall.  POOLE  comes  quickly  back  to  GRAY — speaks  to 
DOUGLAS  .) 

POOLE.     Is  he  done  for? 

DOUGLAS.     No,  his  heart  is  still  beating. 

POOLE.  Help  me  get  him  on  the  sofa  over  there. 
( POOLE  takes  him  by  the  legs,  DOUGLAS  by  the  arms. 
They  carry  him  in  onto  settee  R.  Then  the  Three 
Wise  Men  come  dashing  in  from  library,  all  talking 
together.) 

DR.  GAUNT.     What  is  it?  | 

FINDLEY.    What's  goin'  on  here?  r-      (Together.) 

POOLE.     Your  butler,  Doctor.        J 

DR.  GAUNT.  Good  heavens,  Gray!  (DR.  GAUNT 
and  FINDLEY  cross  to  GRAY,  kneeling  over  him.) 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  73 

JUDGE.    What  is  all  this? 

POOLE.  (To  JUDGE,)  I'm  glad  to  see  you're  all 
right,  Judge. 

JUDGE.     What  has  happened  here.  Poole? 

POOLE.     It's  Benny  the  Duck,  Judge. 

JUDGE.     Benny,  eh? 

DR.  GAUNT.  My  medicine  case,  Douglas!  It's 
in  the  hall,  I  think. 

JUDGE.     (To  GAUNT)     Is  it  serious,  Dick? 

DR.  GAUNT.  I  don't  think  so.  He  got  a  hard 
blow  here  on  the  head.  But  his  heart  action's 
strong.  (Exit  DOUGLAS  door  R.  DR.  GAUNT  un 
loosens  GRAY'S  shirt,  collar  and  tie,  examining  him, 
while  JUDGE  and  FINDLEY  assist.) 

POOLE.  I'm  glad  it's  no  worse  than  that!  I 
thought  he  was  a  goner  when  I  saw  him!  (POLICE 
MAN  enters  quickly  door  R. — to  POOLE,  who  is  left 
of  door.) 

POLICEMAN.    We've  got  him,  Chief! 

POOLE.     Who,  Benny? 

POLICEMAN.  I'm  sure  it's  him!  He's  sneaking 
down  the  fire-escape  of  the  next  building. 

POOLE.     Well,  don't  let  him  see  any  of  you. 

POLICEMAN.  Why,  don't  you  want  us  to  nab 
him? 

POOLE.  No,  follow  him.  I  want  to  know  where 
he  goes.  There's  another  one  I'm  looking  for. 

POLICEMAN.  (As  he  starts  for  door)  Right  you 
are! 

POOLE.    Don't  let  him  get  out  of  sight,  now! 

POLICEMAN.    No  chance !    (Exits  door  R.) 

CLANCEY.  (Entering  from  L.2  entrance)  No  one 
in  the  cellar.  Chief. 

POOLE.  (Crosses  to  L.C.  upstage)  He's  got  out 
through  the  roof  somehow.  Have  a  look  up  there — 
let  me  know  what  you  find. 

JUDGE.     (Indicating  stairs)     Up  that  way. 

CLANCEY.    Yes,  sir.    (Exits  upstairs  second  door.) 


74  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

JUDGE.  (Who  has  crossed  to  POOLEJ  How  did 
Benny  get  in  here,  Poole? 

POOLE.  (Turns  to  JUDGE.)  That's  what  I'd  like 
to  know.  We've  been  watching-  this  house  for  a 
month. 

JUDGE.  Yes,  I  know  you  have.  (FINDLEY  turns 
up  to  them.) 

POOLE.  Oh —  (Surprised.)  We  didn't  think 
you  knew  about  that,  sir.  It  was  someone  on  the 
inside  let  him  in. 

FINDLEY.  What's  that?  (Crossing  up  and  join 
ing  JUDGE  and  POOLE,  who  are  L.c.J 

~POOLE.     That's  what  I  think. 

FTNDLEY.     You  mean  someone  in  this  house? 

POOLE.  Are  you  sure  that  your  servants  here  are 
all  right,  sir? 

(Enter  SIDNEY  from  aborv  door;  she  is  very  pale 
and  frightened;  has  opera  coat  on;  comes  down 
steps  almost  to  the  first  landing — listening  to 
the  conversation,  but  not  observed  by  others.) 

FINDLEY.  Absolutely !  I'll  vouch  for  every  one 
of  them. 

POOLE.  Well,  I've  had  a  report  one  of  'em's  been 
seen  going  out  late  at  night. 

FINDLEY.     What's  that? 

POOLE.    And  getting  in  just  before  daylight. 

FINDLEY.  (Looks  at  JUDGE )  You've  seen  one  of 
our  servants 

POOLE.    No.  I  haven't,  but  one  of  the  boys  has. 

FINDLEY.    I  don't  believe  a  word  of  it ! 

POOLE.    Do  you  mind  if  I  question  them? 

FINDLEY.  Not  at  all.  Question  them  as  much  as 
you  please. 

(SIDNEY  half  faints  on  the  stairs,  clinging  to  ban 
nister.     As  all  catch  sight  of  SIDNEY.^ 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  75 


JUDGE.    Ah,  Sidney- 


FINDLEY.  Good  God !  (JUDGE  and  FINDLEY  rush 
i*p  to  assist  her  downstairs.) 

SIDNEY.     I'm  all  right. 

JUDGE.  (As  he  reaches  her)  Why,  you're  trem 
bling  like  a  leaf ! 

FINDLEY.  There !  There's  nothing  to  worry  about 
now,  dear!  An  escaped  convict  got  into  the  house, 
but  the  police  frightened  him  away.  (By  this  time 
they've  assisted  SIDNEY  down  the  steps  to  the  foot 
of  the  stairs;  she  sees  GRAY  with  the  doctor  working 
over  him  on  the  settee  R.,  crosses  quickly  to  him — 
kneels.) 

SIDNEY.     (Horrified)    Doctor,  is  he  badly  hurt? 

(DOUGLAS  enters  R.  in  flat  with  medicine  case — 
crosses  down  behind  settee  with  back  to  audi 
ence — at  the  head  of  GRAY.,) 

DR.  GAUNT.  No,  no,  dear!  It's  nothing  serious. 
Take  her  away,  Jimmy,  please. 

DOUGLAS.  (Bringing  in  small  medicine  case)  Is 
this  the  one,  Doctor? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes.  (Takes  case  from  DOUGLAS.,) 
Now  we'll  take  him  into  the  other  room.  (As  the 
JUDGE  and  FINDLEY  go  to  help,  DOUGLAS  and  DR. 
GAUNT  pick  GRAY  up,  SIDNEY  takes  the  pillow  from 
under  GRAY'S  head  and  returns  it  to  the  window- 
seat.)  Don't  you  fellows  trouble.  Douglas  and  I 
can  manage  it.  You  take  Sidney  off  to  the  opera 
and  I'll  follow  you.  Don't  worry,  Sidney.  I'll  have 
him  on  his  feet  in  no  time.  (Exit  DR.  GAUNT,  car 
rying  GRAY  off,  holding  his  feet,  with  DOUGLAS  bear 
ing  him  under  the  shoulders.  They  exit  door  R.) 

SIDNEY.  Oh,  surely  we  don't  want  to  go  to  the 
opera  now ! 

FINDLEY.     (Crosses  up   back  of  table  c.)     Of 


76  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

course  we  do !  (Exit  the  doctor  and  DOUGLAS  carry 
ing  GRAY  door  R.  in  flat.) 

CLANCEY.  (Bursting  in  door  upstairs,  rushing 
down  stairway)  He's  made  a  getaway,  Chief!  He 
got  out  through  the  skylight ! 

POOLE.     Yes,  I  know  that. 

CLANCEY.  He  must  have  had  help  from  the  in 
side,  all  right.  The  one  who  let  him  in  let  him  out! 

POOLE.  Clancey,  you  reported  to  me  that  you  had 
seen  one  of  the  servants  leaving  this  house  late  at 
night  ? 

CLANCEY.    I  did,  yes. 

POOLE.     Do  you  think  you  could  identify  her? 

CLANCEY.  Why,  yes,  I  think  so.  She  was  a  slen 
der — rather —  (Sees  SIDNEY  and  abruptly  comes 
dozvn  c.) 

POOLE.     (Going  doum  L.)    What's  the  matter? 

CLANCEY.  (Coming  doum  L.C. — a  little  bewil 
dered)  Just  about  the  size  of  that  lady  there.  (A 
look  betwen  FINDLEY  and  JUDGE,  j 

FINDLEY.  (Crosses  to  CLANCEY.  JUDGE  puts  arms 
about  SIDNEY. )  Now,  see  here !  Do  you  mean — to 
accuse  this  young  lady 

CLANCEY.     I  don't  mean  to  accuse  anybody,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  Well,  you'd  better  not!  What  makes 
you  so  sure  that  someone  in  the  house  helped  that 
man  escape? 

CLANCEY.  Do  you  keep  the  door  of  your  sky 
light  open,  sir  ? 

FINDLEY.     No,  it's  always  kept  locked. 

CLANCEY.     I  found  it  open. 

FINDLEY.     Broken  open? 

CLANCEY.  No,  sir.  Opened  with  this  key,  and 
this  bunch  of  keys  was  in  the  lock.  (Shows  bunch 
of  keys.  Another  look  between  FINDLEY  and  JUDGE. 
FINDLEY  takes  the  keys  and  he  and  JUDGE  look  at 
same.  POOLE  crosses  to  L.C.  JUDGE  takes  SIDNEY 
to  sofa  R.,  sits.) 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  77 

JUDGE.  Now,  don't  let  anything  these  men  say 
alarm  you,  dear.  (A  significant  look  between  CLAN- 
CEY  and  POOLE.J  Do  you  remember  just  what  you 
did  with  your  keys? 

SIDNEY.  (Who  is  seated  on  sofa)  I  put  them 
in  my  desk. 

JUDGE.    And  that's  the  last  time  you  saw  them? 

SIDNEY.  No,  I  took  them  out  and  showed  them 
to  Gordon,  then  I  left  them  on  the  table  there. 

JUDGE.  Gordon  saw  you  take  them  out  of  your 
desk? 

SIDNEY.     Yes. 

JUDGE.     And  put  them  on  the  table? 

SIDNEY.    Yes. 

(JUDGE  crosses  above  table  to  CLANCEY;  FINDLEY 
crosses  to  settee  R.,  takes  SIDNEY  in  his  arms.) 

JUDGE.  All  right,  dear,  all  right!  (Crosses  to 
CLANCEY.J  Now  you  say  you  saw  a  woman  about 
Miss  Fairchild's  size  leaving  this  house  late  at  night? 

CLANCEY.    Yes,  sir. 

JUDGE.    Did  she  come  out  of  the  front  door? 

CLANCEY.    No,  sir ;  by  the  basement  door. 

JUDGE.    How  was  she  dressed? 

CLANCEY.  She  had  on  a  dark  dress.  It  was  black, 
I  should  say.  Sort  of  shabby-looking. 

FINDLEY.  Well,  Sidney  hasn't  any  dark  dress, 
and  nothing  that  looks  shabby.  I  can  guarantee  that. 
I  had  a  hand  in  selecting  her  wardrobe  myself.  (His 
face  suddenly  becomes  grim  and  he  exchanges  an 
odd  look  with  the  JUDGE — SIDNEY  watching  them 
closely.) 

JUDGE.  Where  is  that  dress  you  wore  when  you 
first  came  here,  Sidney? 

FINDLEY.     What? 

SIDNEY.    I  don't  know. 


78  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

JUDGE.    You  don't  know?    (CLANCEY  crosses  up 

centre. ) 

SIDNEY.  Mrs.  Saunders  took  it.  (All  look  re 
lieved.  JUDGE  crosses  up  to  left  of  c.  door — pulls 
bell-cord,  crosses  down  back  of  table  to  R.c. — to 

SlDNEYj 

JUDGE.     When  did  she  take  it,  dear? 
SIDNEY.    The  day  after  I  came  here. 

(Enter  MRS.   SAUNDERS  door  L2  entrance,  crosses 
down  L.C.J 

JUDGE.  Oh,  then  you  haven't  had  that  dress  for 
a  month? 

SIDNEY.     No,  sir. 

JUDGE.  (Turns,  sees  SAUNDERS,  crosses  to  c.  in 
front  of  table.)  Saunders,  do  you  remember  the 
dress  Miss  Fairchild  wore  the  evening  she  first  came 
to  us? 

SAUNDERS.    (Astonished  at  their  faces)    Yes,  sir. 

JUDGE.    Do  you  know  what  became  of  it? 

SAUNDERS.    I  took  it. 

JUDGE.    When  did  you  take  it? 

SAUNDERS.  The  day  after  she  came.  When  Mr. 
Findley  bought  her  new  things,  sir. 

JUDGE.    What  did  you  do  with  it? 

SAUNDERS.  Threw  it  in  the  old-clothes  hamper, 
sir,  in  the  back  hall.  I  didn't  think  she'd  want  it 
again. 

JUDGE.     Is  it  there  now? 

SAUNDERS.  It  was  until  this  noon,  sir.  I  sent  it 
with  a  bundle  of  old  clothes  to  the  Mission.  (FIND- 
LEY  looks  triumph;  bus.  of  CLANCEY  looking  puz 
zled.) 

JUDGE.    (Sotto  voice)    That  will  do,  Saunders. 

(SAUNDERS  crosses  up  to  door  L.2  entrance — POOLE 
intercepting  her — JUDGE  crossing  to   C.R.) 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  79 

POOLE.    Do  you  keep  that  hamper  locked,  ma'am  ? 
(JUDGE  crossing  back  to  c.  in  front  of  table.) 

SAUNDERS.    The  old-clothes  hamper?    Lord,  no! 

POOLE.  So  it  would  be  an  easy  thing  to  take  that 
dress  out  and  put  it  back  again? 

JUDGE.  Poole (  POOLE  turns  away  from 

SAUNDERS.  ) 

POOLE.    Yes,  sir. 

(SAUNDERS  crosses  to  door  L.2  and  opens  same.) 

JUDGE.  You  say  you  wanted  to  question  the  serv 
ants? 

POOLE.     (Comes  a  little  to  L.  of  c.)    I  did,  but — 

JUDGE.  (Crosses  up  to  library  door)  Show  him 
where  to  go,  Saunders. 

SAUNDERS.  (At  door  L.2)  This  way.  (Exit 
POOLE  door  L.2.J 

JUDGE.     (To  CLANCEY  j    You  better  go  with  him. 

CLANCEY.    It  wouldn't  be  much  use  now. 

JUDGE.     (Sternly)    Well,  go  anyway! 

CLANCEY.  Yes,  sir!  (Exits  hurriedly  through 
door  L.2  entrance,  followed  by  SAUNDERS.) 

JUDGE.  (Going  upstairs)  Teddy,  you  look  after 
Sidney.  See  that  she  doesn't  worry.  I  shan't  be 
long.  (Exits.) 

FINDLEY.  (Sitting  down  beside  her,  taking  her 
hand)  There,  there,  Sidney !  Those  fellows  don't 
know  what  they're  talking  about,  and  we'll  forget 
all  about  it!  (He  rises,  crosses  to  chair  R.  of  table 
c.,  brings  chair  to  R.C.,  sits  facing  SIDNEY.) 

SIDNEY.    I'm  afraid  I  can't. 

FINDLEY.  Now,  now,  now!  I  know  those  fel 
lows  frightened  you  nearly  to  death,  the  fools  !  Why, 
that  man  frightened  me  the  same  way,  the  first  night 
you  came  here. 


80  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

(Enter  DR.  GAUNT  R.C.,  crosses  down  R.C.,  back  of 
SIDNEY.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Cheerily)  Well,  well,  well!  Why 
aren't  you  at  the  opera?  (Sees  SIDNEY.)  Why,  Sid 
ney,  what's  the  matter? 

FINDLEY.  That  fool  detective  has  been  frighten 
ing  her  half  to  death !  (Rises,  crosses  to  table  with 
chair.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (To  SIDNEY)  What  did  he  say  to 
you? 

FINDLEY.  The  fool  insists  he  saw  her  leaving  the 
house  late  at  night. 

DR.   GAUNT.      (Exploding)      They   thought  that 

you —         Did  they  say Well,  upon  my  word! 

Our  police  are  the  limit  for  stupidity  and  arrogance! 
(Crossing  to  L.c.J 

FINDLEY.  (Same  tone)  They  think  someone  in 
the  house  let  that  fellow  in. 

DR.  GAUNT.     Well,  he's  right. 

FINDLEY.  (Rises,  places  chair  back  of  table) 
What? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Someone  in  the  house  did  let  him 
in,  and  I  know  who  it  was. 

FINDLEY.    Well,  who  was  it?    (SIDNEY  rises.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Gray.  (SIDNEY  re-seats.)  He  just 
told  me  all  about  it.  It  was  all  very  simple.  (DR. 
GAUNT  is  down  L.c.J  Benny  the  Duck  came  to  the 
front  door,  rang  the  bell,  Gray  let  Benny  in,  Benny 
knocked  Gray  out,  and  there  you  are ! 

FINDLEY.  (Crosses  to  SIDNEY — helps  her  to  rise) 
Now  are  you  satisfied  ?  You^Se  been  tried  and  found 
innocent. 

(SIDNEY,  attempting  to  smile,  crosses  to  c.  JUDGE 
enters  down  the  stairs  with  SIDNEY'S  blue  satin 
slippers — he  lays  them  on  the  table  L.C.,  with 
the  heels  toward  the  audience,  his  face  grave.) 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  81 

FINDLEY.  It's  all  right,  Jimmy — the  mystery  is 
solved.  It  was  Gray  who  let  Benny  in. 

JUDGE.  (Crosses  do^vn  to  c.  in  front  of  table) 
So  I've  just  heard.  Now  what  we  are  trying  to 
determine  is  who  let  him  out.  (The  doctor  crosses 
down  L.C.  FINDLEY  R.cJ 

FINDLEY.  What's  the  matter,  Jimmy?  Have  you 
discovered  anything?  Have  you  found  out  how 
that  fellow  got  those  keys  ? 

SIDNEY.  (Quickly  turns  upstage  c.,  her  back  to 
audience)  Oh 

JUDGE.  (Taking  he-r  hand  and  looking  sear  ch 
in  gly  into  her  face)  My  dear  girl — as  long  as  you 
had  nothing  to  do  with  this  affair  you  haven't  the 
slightest  cause  for  alarm.  The  fact  that  you  had 
those  keys  doesn't  prove  anything  at  all.  And  if 
they  happened  to  be  on  this  table  when  the  man 
was  in  the  room — it's  almost  certain  he'd  take  them. 
Now  when  you  left  the  room  they  were  here  with 
Gordon  ? 

SIDNEY.     Yes. 

JUDGE.     And  what  did  you  do  after  Gordon  left? 

SIDNEY.     I  went  up  to  my  room. 

JUDGE.    But  you  didn't  come  back  here  again? 

SIDNEY.     No. 

JUDGE.  Then  you  were  in  your  room  all  the  time 
until  you  came  down  and  found  us  here? 

SIDNEY.     Yes. 

JUDGE.  And  you  heard  no  disturbance,  no  un 
usual  sound? 

SIDNEY.     No,  not  that  I  remember. 

JUDGE.  (Drops  SIDNEY'S  hands)  Now  think. 
Sidney.  Did  you  for  any  reason  at  all  go  up  to  the 
top  floor? 

SIDNEY.     No. 

JUDGE.    You're  quite  sure? 

SIDNEY.    Yes. 


82  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

JUDGE.  Now,  Sidney,  don't  let  this  frighten  you. 
I've  been  too  many  years  on  the  criminal  bench  to 
be  deceived  by  circumstantial  evidence.  I  don't 
want  you  to  feel  that  I  think  this  counts  in  any  way 
against  you.  (Puts  hand  in  pocket  and  draws  out 
something;  keeps  hand  closed.)  But  how  could  it 
be  possible  for  a  buckle  from  one  of  your  blue  satin 
slippers  to  be  found  on  the  threshold  of  the  door 
to  the  skylight? 

SIDNEY.  (Sinks  down  in  chair  R.  of  table  c.,  non 
plussed)  I  don't  know.  (JUDGE  turns  away,  re 
lieved.)  But  I  did  cut  one  of  the  buckles  off. 

JUDGE.  (Turns  back  to  her  and  in  a  dull  voice) 
You  cut  it  off? 

SIDNEY.  Yes,  but  that  was  down  here  in  this 
room.  It  was  hanging  by  a  thread  and  I  cut  it  off. 

JUDGE.     What  did  you  cut  it  off  with? 

SIDNEY.  With  nry  scissors — on  my  desk.  I  laid 
the  buckle  right  down  on  the  keys. 

(DR.  GAUNT  goes  over  to  table  L.C.,  takes  up  slip 
pers,  comes  c.  with  slippers  in  his  hand  with 
a  look  of  amazement  on  his  face.) 

JUDGE.     (Sadly)     Sidney — Sidney 

DR.  GAUNT.  Why,  Jimmy,  both  buckles  are  here. 
(FINDLEY  crosses  to  R.c.J 

FINDLEY.  Where's  the  buckle  you  had  in  your 
hand,  Jim? 

JUDGE.  (Opening  hand)  I  had  no  buckle.  (Turn 
ing  away  toward  L.)  There  was  no  buckle. 

DR.  GAUNT.     Sidney 

FINDLEY.    Good  God- 


SIDNEY.  (Desperately)  Well,  perhaps — perhaps 
Saunders  sewed 

JUDGE.  Don't  say  any  more,  Sidney.  We've 
found  out.  (He  crosses  to  table  L.,  sits.) 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  83 

SIDNEY.  (Bursting  into  tears)  I  do  know  him — 
I  did  go  out  at  night,  but  I  didn't  know  he  was  com 
ing  here !  I  didn't  know  he  knew  Judge  Trum- 
bull !  I  swear  it !  (She  falls  on  knees,  back  to  audi 
ence  over  table  c.) 

FINDLEY.  (Coldly — crosses  to  SIDNEY,  picks  her 
up,  turns  her  to  him — long  pause.)  How  did  you 
come  to  know  such  a  man? 

SIDNEY.  (Pulling  herself  together  with  a  sudden 
chill  of  terror)  I  can't  tell  you! 

FINDLEY.     Has  this  man  a  power  over  you? 

(Tears  blur  SIDNEY'S  eyes — she  says  nothing.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Crosses  to  L.C.  of  SIDNEY,)  Sidney, 
listen  to  me.  You  must  try  now  for  all  our  sakes 
to  realize  how  terrible  things  look  for  you.  You 
have  confessed  knowing  a  criminal  who  came  here 
to-night  to  assassinate  Judge  Trumbull. 

SIDNEY.     No,  no,  no! 

FINDLEY.    And  you  helped  him  to  escape. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Backing  away  from  her)  What 
possible  relation  could  you  have  with  such  a  crea 
ture?  (She  turns  and  looks  at  them;  then  turns 
away.) 

SIDNEY.     I  can't  tell  you !     I  can't  tell  you ! 

FINDLEY.     (Angrily)     You  will  tell  us! 

(SIDNEY  draws  herself  up  defiantly.     Bus.  of  cry 
ing  through  FINDLEY'S  speech.) 

SIDNEY.     I  can't!     I  can't! 

FINDLEY.  You  want  us  to  hand  you  over  to  the 
police  ? 

SIDNEY.  (After  long  pause — sobbing — then  in  a 
humble  voice.  Turns  to  FINDLEY J  I  didn't  mean 
any  harm.  (To  DR.  GAUNT,)  I  didn't  mean  any 
harm.  (To  JUDGEJ  I  didn't  mean  any  harm. 


84  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

(DR.  GAUNT  crosses  up  back  of  table  c.) 

FINDLEY.  If  you  don't  tell  us  the  truth — tell  us 
everything — we'll  hand  you,  bag  and  baggage,  over 
to  the  police ! 

SIDNEY.  (Who  has  crossed  up  L.C.  toward  stairs) 
I  didn't  mean  any  harm 

FINDLEY.  (Who  follows  her  up  to  foot  of  stairs) 
Where  are  you  going? 

SIDNEY.  To  my  room.  To  be  ready  to  go  with 
the  police. 

FINDLEY.    They'll  force  you  to  tell  everything. 

SIDNEY.  (Who  is  up  at  first  landing  of  stairs) 
No,  no!  They'll  never  get  anything  out  of  me! 
No,  no !  Never,  never,  never !  (Runs  weeping  out 
of  room  and  up  the  stairs — exits  hurriedly,  slam 
ming  door  behind  her.) 

(JUDGE  is  seated  on  sofa  near  fireplace.  DR.  GAUNT 
is  down  L.C.  FINDLEY  up  back.  Enter  GOR 
DON — bursts  in  gaily,  fully  dressed  for  the 
opera.) 

GORDON.  (Cheerfully)  You've  got  the  right  idea 
about  going  to  the  opera.  You'll  get  there  just  in 
time  to  come  home.  I've  hunted  all  over  the  horse 
shoe  for  you (Looking  from  one  to  the  other; 

they  don't  notice  him.  FINDLEY  has  crossed  over  R. 
near  unndow.)  What's  the  matter?  What's  up? 
(Looks  about  alarmed.)  Where  is  Sidney?  Noth 
ing's  happened  to  her? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Gordon,  we  accepted  Sidney  on 
faith,  but  we  should  have  inquired  into  her  past  a 
little  more. 

GORDON.    What  are  you  talking  about,  sir? 

DR.   GAUNT.     An  attempt  jras  made  on  Judge 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  85 

Trumbull's  life  since  you've  been  gone.  Sidney 
knew  the  criminal  and  she  helped  him  to  escape. 
(Cross  to  C.L.) 

GORDON.    You're  crazy,  sir! 

FINDLEY.  (Crosses  to  c.)  No,  Gordon,  her  guilt 
has  been  proved  absolutely. 

GORDON.  (Turns  on  him)  Guilt?  Uncle  —  have 
you  all  gone  mad  ?  (Turns  to  JUDGE.  )  Do  you  be 
lieve  this,  Judge  Trumbull?  (Crosses  to  JUDGE. 
JUDGE  slowly  bows  his  head.  GORDON  crosses  back 
to  c.)  Where  is  she? 

FINDLEY.     In  her  room. 

GORDON.    (Starts'  for  stairs)    I  want  to  see  her. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Confronting  him)  Gordon,  listen. 
There  can  be  no  mistake  in  what  we've  told  you. 
We  not  onlv  have  positive  proof,  but  Sidney  herself 
has  confessed  it. 

GORDON.  (Knocked  out  for  a  moment)  Sidney 
confessed? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes.  Gordon.  (GORDON  turns 
front.)  She  admitted  both  knowing  the  man  and 
helping  him  escaoe. 

GORDON.  And  you  mean  to  say  you  believe  her? 
Th^n  you  have  all  gone  mad  !  Sidney,  Sidney  - 
(GORDON  dashes  out  of  room  up  the  stairway  to  SID- 
room  and  e.vits.) 


(PooLE  knocks  on  hall  door  and  comes  right  in, 
crossing  to  C.R.  —  to  FINDLEY  .) 

POOLE.  (Excitedly)  Excuse  me,  gentlemen, 
they've  just  telephoned  Benny's  located  at  a  cheap 
boarding-house  on  the  West  side.  I  told  them  not 
to  arrest  him,  but  to  watch  the  house  until  I  got 
there.  We  may  be  able  to  get  bigger  fish.  Now 
about  that  young  lady  --  I'd  like  to  tell  you  — 

GORDON.     (Re-enters  hurriedly  down  the  stairs, 


86  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

speaking  at  the  same  time)    She's  not  in  her  room : 
she's  gone ! 

DR.  GAUNT.     Gone? 

EINDLEY.     Escaped  ? 

POOLE.  If  it's  the  young  lady  that's  under  sus 
picion,  we've  got  her. 

GORDON.  (Who  has  crossed  to  POOLE)  You've 
got  her? 

POOLE.  She  went  down  the  servants'  stairs  a  few 
minutes  ago.  But  the  boys  are  following  her.  Give 
her  plenty  of  rope,  that's  my  method.  (Starts  as  if 
to  exit.) 

GORDON.  (Turns  to  POOLE)  See  here,  these  gen 
tlemen  were  mistaken  about  Miss  Fairchild.  (Turns 
pleadingly  to  the  Three  Wise  Men.)  Tell  him  that 
she's  innocent,  won't  you?  (They  are  all  silent — 
short  pause. ) 

FINDLEY.    But  we  know  she's  guilty. 

GORDON.  (Turning  to  FINDLEY)  Guilty?  Here 
are  the  pearls  you  gave  her.  She  left  them  on  her 
dressing-case.  I  suppose  you'll  think  that  that's 
another  proof  of  her  guilt !  (Throws  string  of  pearls 
down  at  FINDLEY'S  feet.) 

POOLE.  If  she's  innocent  she  can  explain  that  to 
the  Commissioner. 

GORDON.  Wait  a  minute.  I'm  going  with  you. 
(Crosses  over  near  the  door  R.) 

FINDLEY.     (Up  c.)     Where  are  you  going? 

GORDON.     Where  I  belong — wherever  Sidney  is! 

JUDGE.  (Crossing  to  the  L.  of  table  c.)  What  do 
you  think  you  can  do? 

GORDON.     I  can't  do  worse  than  you  have  done! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Wait,  Gordon !  We  know  how  you 
feel,  but  don't  you  see 

GORDON.     Yes,  I  do  see,  but  you  don't.    Because 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  87 

you're  blind.  Blind  to  everything  but  yourselves. 
You  think  you're  Three  Wise  Men — but  you're  not ; 
you're  three  damn  old  fools,  that's  what  you  are — 
three  damn  old  fools !  (Exit  hurriedly.) 


CURTAIN 


ACT   III 


SCENE:  Same  as  before.  All  the  flowers  have  dis 
appeared.  Set  to  be  exactly  same  as  first  act. 
It  is  half  an  hour  later.  DR.  GAUNT  is  at  sofa, 
staring  into  space.  FINDLEY  is  c.  at  his  card- 
table,  looking  front.  Hold  this  until  door  L.U. 
opens.  SAUNDERS  enters,  carrying  SIDNEY'S 
two  handbags,  comes  down  the  stairs  very 
quietly,  crosses  to  FINDLEY.  FINDLEY,  after 
awhile,  pretends  to  notice  SAUNDERS  for  the 
first  time. 

DR.  GAUNT  watches  her  fixedly,  and  FINDLEY,  fol- 
lounng  the  doctor's  glance,  sees  her  also.  MRS. 
SAUNDERS  has  a  mournful  expression  on  her 
face  and  has  difficulty  in  keeping  her  voice  from 
breaking  as  she  speaks. 

SAUNDERS.  The  room  is  quite  cleared  out  now, 
Mr.  Findley.  Miss  Sidney  brought  these  with  her 
when  she  came.  Shall  I  keep  them  for  her,  sir? 

(Enter  DOUGLAS  down  the  stairs.) 

FINDLEY.  Yes,  I  suppose  they'll  he  called  for. 
(SAUNDERS  crosses  stage  and  exits  with  bags,  door 
R.  FINDLEY  has  watched  her  exit,  turns  and  sees 
DOUGLAS  standing  on  his  left  as  he  is  playing  cards. ) 
What  is  it,  Douglas? 

DOUGLAS.     It's  about  Gray,  sir. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Quickly — looking  up)  He  isn't 
any  worse,  is  he? 

88 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  89 

DOUGLAS.  No,  sir,  but  he's  insisting  on  getting 
up  and  dressing,  sir. 

DR.  GAUNT.    Oh 

DOUGLAS.  He  says  it's  nearing  your  bedtime,  sir, 
and  he  wants  to  get  up  and  get  your  apples  and  hot 
water.  He  won't  let  me  do  it. 

FINDLEY.  Well,  you  tell  him  that  Dr.  Gaunt  says 
we  are  not  to  have  apples  and  hot  water  any  more, 
Douglas. 

DOUGLAS.  (Starts  upstairs  to  library  door.  Stops 
at  the  door.)  Beg  pardon,  sir! 

FINDLEY.  Apples  and  hot  water  are  "ruts," 
Douglas,  and  we're  not  to  have  ruts  here,  Douglas, 
because  if  you  get  into  ruts  you're  dead,  but  if  you 
get  out  of  ruts  and  have  plenty  of  excitement  and 
tonic  emotions  and  buttercups  and  daisies  and  all 
the  other  damn  things — why,  you  can  live  on  for 
ever  ! 

DOUGLAS.     Yes,  sir.      (Exits.) 

FINDLEY.  (Sarcastically,  looking  at  the  doctor, 
who  is  puffing  huge  clouds  of  smoke)  Eminent 
psychologist.  Marvelous  specialist.  Bah!  (Slams 
card  on  table,  imitating  the  doctor's  voice)  "Ruts, 
Teddy,  ruts — we're  all  dead  and  we  don't  know  it, 
Teddy,  because  of  ruts" — (Pause.)  I  like  ruts, 
and  by  God!  I  want  ruts,  and  the  next  time  any 
body  tries  to  put  a  stop  to  my  ruts  I'll  give  him  a 
kick  right  in  the  middle  of  his  sympathetic  system ! 
(Pause.)  I  don't  see  why  in  the  name  of  hell 

DR.  GAUNT.    Teddy 

(FINDLEY  looks  around  at  SIDNEY'S  writing-desk, 
rises,  crosses  to  it — takes  coin  from  pocket  and 
puts  it  into  glass  jar — is  about  to  go  back  to  his 
ozvn  table — turns,  looks  at  glass  far,  then  at  the 
doctor.  Empties  all  the  coins  into  his  own  hand 
from  jar,  pla-ces  them  in  his  pocket,  crosses  back 
c.  and  seats  himself  at  his  own  table.) 


90  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Coughs  self-consciously — trying  to 
make  conversation)  I — I've  been  reading  my  articles 
over. 

FINDLEY.  And  by  God,  it  serves  you  right!  I 
wish  you  had  to  read  them  over  for  the  rest  of  your 
life! 

(DR.  GAUNT  resumes  his  reading.  FINDLEY  turns, 
back  to  his  game.  Enter  SAUNDERS  and  stands 
on  FINDLEY'S  right.) 

SAUNDERS.  Here's  the  needle  and  thread  you 
asked  for,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  (After  a  look  at  his  clothes)  I  asked 
for  a  needle  and  thread? 

SAUNDERS.  You  said  you  wanted  to  string  the 
pearls,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  Oh (He  slowly  takes  them  from 

his  coat  pocket,  looks  at  them,  then  takes  thread,  and 
slowly  begins  to  string  the  pearls.  SAUNDERS  watches 
him  for  a  moment — gives  moaning  sob.)  Now, 
what's  the  matter  with  you? 

SAUNDERS.    I'm  upset,  sir. 

FINDLEY.    Go  away  and  be  upset  somewhere  else. 

(SAUNDERS  goes  back  of  FINDLEY  to  ~L.) 

SAUNDERS.    I  am  going  away,  sir,  for  good. 

FINDLEY.     What's  that? 

SAUNDERS.  (Comes  back  to  his  L.)  I've  got  to, 
Mr.  Findley. 

FINDLEY.    You  mean  you're  giving  notice? 

SAUNDERS.    Yes,  sir,  I  am. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Rises,  comes  to  front  of  table  L.j 
Why,  Saunders,  what's  the  trouble? 

SAUNDERS.  (Crossing  to  L.c.j  Why,  I  can't  stand 
such  goings  on,  sir.  With  murderers  in  the  house, 
and  those  detectives  suspecting  us  all — and  your 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  91 

driving  out  that  poor  girl (FINDLEY  looks  at 

the  doctor.) 

FINDLEY.     Ah,  hah! 

SAUNDERS.  I  could  never  be  contented  here  again, 
never !  (Cries.) 

FINDLEY.  (To  the  doctor)  Well,  Dr.  Quack,  I 
hope  you're  satisfied. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Turns  to  FINDLEY j  What  have  I 
got  to  do  vvith  it? 

FINDLEY.  What  have  you  got  to  do  with  it? 
Saunders  was  in  a  rut,  well  ordered  and  happy ;  she's 
being  pulled  out  violently,  rolled  among  your  butter 
cups,  and  now  look  at  the  damn  thing! 

(Exit  SAUNDERS,  door  L.C.  entrance,  with  toss  of 
her  head. ) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (After  a  pause — rises,  throws  medi 
cal  journal  on  table  L. — crosses  to  FINDLEY J  Teddy, 
do  you  want  to  know  something? 

FINDLEY.  (Who  is  stringing  SIDNEYS  string  of 
beads)  Not  from  you! 

DR.  GAUNT.  (With  a  sigh)  I  don't  wonder! 
(L.C.)  We  so-called  psychologists  are  nothing  but 
wind-bags — so  easy  to  theorize,  and  yet  at  the  first 
touch  of  real  life,  I  collapse  like  a  pricked  balloon. 

FINDLEY.     Well,  there's  no  use  crying  about  it. 

DR.  GAUNT.  No.  That's  true — and  you  must 
admit — (Crossing  back  to  FINDLEY ) — there  was 
something  in  my  theory.  The  change  did  lift  us  a 
long  way  up. 

FINDLEY.     It  did,  and  then  dropped  us ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  I  know,  I  know!  (Sighs.)  Oh, 
dear!  (Crosses  back  to  sofa  L. — sits  humbly.) 

FINDLEY.  (Rises — crosses  down  L.,  pats  the  doc 
tor  on  arm)  Oh,  come  now,  Dick!  Come!  Don't 
let  it  get  you  again !  Remember,  we  agreed  to  spend 
this  evening  just  as  we  always  did  before — just  as 


92  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

we  always  did.  I'm  doing  it — I've  been  playing 
cards  and  joking. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Looks  at  him  with  a  rueful  laugh) 
Yes! 

FINDLEY.  But  I  can't  joke  all  alone.  Nobody  can 
be  light-hearted  and  jolly  with  everybody  else  in  the 
house  sniffling  around.  (FINDLEY  turns,  sees  DOUG 
LAS,  who  has  entered  door  L.2  and  crosses  stage,  as 
if  to  exit  door  R.2.  To  DOUGLAS — hotly)  Now 
what  the  devil  is  the  matter  with  you? 

(DOUGLAS  stops  R.c.J 

DOUGLAS.  The  door-bell,  sir.  The  Judge,  I  think. 
(DOUGLAS  opens  door  R.2  entrance,  leaving  it  open, 
and  exits  into  hall,  as  if  to  open  the  outside  door  for 
the  JUDGE.) 

FINDLEY.  Jimmy  is  back  from  the  police  station. 
(Crosses  back  to  table  L.,  picks  up  medical  journal.) 
Come,  now,  don't  let  him  see  how  you're  feeling. 

DR.  GAUNT.    You  mean  how  we're  feeling. 

FINDLEY.  I  mean  how  you're  feeling — I  feel  all 
right !  (Grabs  up  medical  journal  and  presses  it 
into  the  doctor's  hand.)  Here,  Buttercuo,  take  your 
damned  old  medical  journal  and  smile  at  that! 
(Quickly  scrambles  back  into  his  seat  and  begins  to 
play  solitaire  furiously.)  Now,  here — for  God's  sake 
try  to  smile ! 

(DR.  GAUNT  pretends  to  read.  The  doctor  starts 
humming  the  Highland  Fling.  FINDLEY  starts 
whistling  as  before,  now  a  trifle  louder.  Enter 
DOUGLAS  in  reception  hall,  followed  by  JUDGE 
TRUMBULL.  JUDGE  hands  hat  to  DOUGLAS,  and 
DOUGLAS  assists  him  in  removing  coat  and  muf 
fler.  DOUGLAS  exits  urith  same.  JUDGE  enters 
door  R.2  entrance,  sees  FINDLEY  and  the  doctor 
and  starts  dancing  the  Highland  Fling,  singing 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  93 

ta,  ta,  ta,  etc.  FINDLEY  and  the  doctor  stop 
suddenly  and  look  at  the  JUDGE  in  utter  horror. 
After  a  pause — as  if  nothing  had  happened, 
walks  up  c.  and  then  down  R.c.J 

DR.  GAUNT.    Any  news  ? 

JUDGE.  (Trying  to  speak  cheerfully)  No,  Poole 
hadn't  put  in  an  appearance  or  made  a  report. 
They're  to  call  me  up  the  minute  they  hear  from 
him.  You  haven't  heard  anything  here? 

DR.  GAUNT.    No,  nothing. 

FINDLEY.  No,  and  we  don't  want  to.  (Enter 
DOUGLAS  door  R.2,  crosses  down  to  the  R.  of  the 
JUDGE. )  Why  don't  you  drop  it,  Jimmy?  There's 
nothing  we  can  do. 

JUDGE.  I  want  to  know  how  Sidney  knew  that 
man.  I  must  know  that. 

DOUGLAS.  (Solicitously)  Won't  you  have  your 
dressing-gown  and  slippers,  sir? 

JUDGE.  No,  I  may  go  out  again  later.  Tell 
Thomas  to  keep  the  car  here. 

DOUGLAS.  Yes,  sir.  (Bows,  crosses  upstage  to 
SIDNEY'S  writing-desk,  speaking  at  the  same  time) 
Saunders  says  this  is  to  go  to  the  attic.  (Picks  up 
SIDNEY'S  writing-desk  and  exits  door  R.2  entrance 
with  desk.) 

(JUDGE  comes  to  c.  table,  picks  up  pearls  where 
FINDLEY  has  laid  them.  DR.  GAUNT  and  FIND- 
LEY  watch  him — he  then  puts  them  down  and 
crosses  down  R.  to  large  armchair.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Who,  urith  FINDLEY,  has  been 
watching  DOUGLAS'  exit)  Think,  boys,  she  left  us 
only  an  hour  ago,  and  already  everything  of  hers 
has  disappeared! 


94  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

(FiNDLEY  tries  to  stop  the  doctor  talking  on  the  sub 
ject,  making  frantic  signals  and  pantomime. 
JUDGE  has  placed  pearls  upon  c.  table,  walks  to 
settee  R.C.,  and  sits.  FINDLEY  whistles  and  the 
doctor  starts  being  gay  again.) 

FINDLEY.     Have  a  drink,  Jimmy? 
JUDGE.     (In  cheerful  tone)     No,  thanks.     (Awk 
ward  silence.) 

FINDLEY.     (Disgusted)    Oh,  what  the 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Breaking  silence)  What  do  you 
think,  Jimmy — Gray  wanted  to  get  up  and  dress, 
so  he  could  bring  us  our  apples  and  hot  water !  (The 
doctor  laughs  heartily.) 

FINDLEY.  Yes.  what  do  you  think  of  that,  Jimmy  ? 
Ha,  ha!  (Laughs  very  loudly — suddenly  stops. 
JUDGE  smiles.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (After  pause)  And  Saunders  has 
given  notice.  (Laughs.  JUDGE,  dismayed,  stops 
smiling  suddenly.  Rises,  crosses  to  C.R.  to  FIND- 
LEY — FINDLEY  laughing  hard  again.) 

FINDLEY.     Yes,  old  Saunders  came  in  here 

Ha,  ha!     (Sees  JUDGE'S  grave  face.)     Oh,  I  feel 
rotten ! 

JUDGE.    Yes.  I  know,  Teddy. 

FINDLEY.  (Very  miserable)  Well,  I  always  feel 
rotten  Saturday  night.  Next  day  is  Sunday — can't 
go  to  the  office — makes  you  blue. 

JUDGE.  Yes,  but  this  is  Thursday,  Teddy.  (Cross 
ing  behind  FINDLEY  to  L.C.,  dozvn  stage.) 

FINDLEY.     Oh — 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Rising,  throws  down  medical  jour 
nal  on  table  L. )  Yes,  this  is  Thursday,  Teddy !  (He 
starts  laughing.) 

FINDLEY.  Oh,  come  from  behind  your  mask,  But 
tercup!  (FINDLEY  rises,  comes  doivn  c.) 

JUDGE.    (Who  is  L.C. — DR.  GAUNT  crosses  to  him 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  95 

with  back  to  audience)  Oh,  what's  the  use  of  our 
pretending,  we're  not  deceiving  anybody? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Putting  hand  on  his  shoulder) 
Jimmy,  Jimmy,  Jimmy!  (They  form  a  group — 
JUDGE  with  left  arm  on  the  doctor's  shoulder,  right 
one  on  FINDLEY'S — FINDLEY  with  arm  about  JUDGE  J 

JUDGE.  Boys,  we're  nothing  but  children  looking 
out  of  windows. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Cheer  up,  Jimmy.  At  least  we've 
got  each  other. 

FINDLEY.  That's  right (About  to  curse — 

looks  and  sees  SIDNEY'S  glass  jar.)  By  gosh 

DR.  GAUNT.  After  all,  the  love  of  woman  is  an 
unstable  thing  and  for  the  most  part  founded  on 
selfishness,  and  I  believe  that 

FINDLEY.    Are  you  beginning  a  speech? 

DR.  GAUNT.    No,  Teddy,  I  just  want  to  say- 


FINDLEY.  I  know — you  always  just  want  to  say — 
and  the  next  thing  we  know  it's  bedtime. 

JUDGE.    Don't,  Teddy — go  on,  Dick. 

FINDLEY.    Hum — all  right,  go  on. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Don't  worry,  I  am  going.  We  three 
old  fossils  have  formed  a  triumvirate  that  has  stood 
the  test  through  many  a  storm. 

FINDLEY.     Now  you're  saying  something. 

DR.  GAUNT.  And  we're  going  on  this  way  to  the 
very  last  trump,  by  gad!  Three  guardsmen  to  the 
end — one  for  all 

DOCTOR,  JUDGE  and  FINDLEY.  (Together)  And 
all  for  one !  (Raising  hands  together  as  if  they  had 
swords  pointing  upwards.) 

FINDLEY.  And  from  now  on  we're  through  with 
women. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes,  forever!  (He  crosses  to  L.I 
entrance,  followed  by  JUDGE — FINDLEY  crosses  to 
R.  Enter  DOUGLAS  door  L.2  entrance — going  to 
'phone,  picks  it  up.) 


96  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

DOUGLAS.     The  telephone,  gentlemen. 

DR.  GAUNT.    Is  it  about  Sidney?" 
Let  me  have  that,  Douglas. 

JUDGE.  What  does  she  say?  Let 
me  have  it.  What  does  she  say  ? 

FINDLEY.  Who  is  it,  Douglas  ?  Is 
it  from  Sidney?  Tell  me,  Douglas, 
what  does  she  say?  (All  three  at 
the  same  time  clamoring  about  DOUG 
LAS — very  excited,  fighting  for  the 
'phone.)  Who  is  it,  Douglas? 

DOUGLAS.  A  reporter,  sir.  (All,  with  exclama 
tions  of  disgust,  return  to  their  former  positions. 
FINDLEY  crosses  and  sits  in  large  armchair  L.) 

FINDLEY.     Tell  them  there's  no  one  here. 

JUDGE.  (Sitting  dejectedly,  thinking  of  SIDNEY,) 
No  one  here. 

(DOUGLAS  exits,  door  L.C.,  center  exit,  as  if  to  speak 
in  'phone  off  stage.  The  Three*  Wise  Fools 
gradually  become  occupied  with  their  own 
thoughts.  The  doctor  takes  chair  which  is  R. 
of  table  L.,  places  it  L.  of  table  L.,  sits.) 


DR.  GAUNT. 
jectedly.) 


No  one  here.     (Staring  front  de- 


(After  pause  GORDON  enters,  door  R.2.  Pauses, 
takes  in  situation,  takes  chair  from  up  RV  brings 
it  down  stage,  sits  R.  of  c.  After  pause  FIND- 
LEY  looks  down,  sees  GORDON'S  feet.  GORDON 
is  sitting  on  a  line  with  FINDLEY — then  FIND- 
LEY  looks  up  and  sees  GORDON,  turns  back, 
staring  front,  turns  and  looks  at  GORDON  again.) 


FINDLEY.     (After  a  long  pause)     Huh!     So — so 


THREE  WISE  FOOLS  97 

you've  come  to  your  senses,  have  you?     ( JUDGE  and 
DR.  GAUNT  look  toivard  GORDON. ) 

GORDON.    Yes,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  Thought  it  was  best  to  comfe  back 
here? 

GORDON.     Yes,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  (With  a  grunt)  All  right.  What  have 
you  come  back  for?  (Pause.) 

GORDON.  To  see  if  you  three  had  come  to  your 
senses.  (Pause.)  Have  you?  (The  doctor  and 
JUDGE  look  at  GORDON. ) 

FINDLEY.  No!  If  we  had  we  wouldn't  let  you 
in  the  house  after  what  you've  said. 

GORDON.  I  know.  I  lost  my  temper.  But  I'm 
sorry  for  what  I  said.  I  meant  every  word  of  it. 
(Look  from  Three  Wise  Men.)  But  I'm  sorry  I 
said  it. 

FINDLEY.  (Sarcastically)  Did  you  come  back 
here  to  tell  us  that? 

GORDON.     I  came  back  to  talk  it  over. 

FJNDLEY.     (Pause)     Well,  the  subject  is  closed. 

GORDON.  Then  I'm  going  to  open  it  again.  (The 
JUDGE  moves,  GORDON  rises  and  crosses  to  table  c.) 
I  want  to  know  this — if  I  could  prove  to  you  three 
that  Sidney's  innocent  of  any  wrong-doing,  whether 
you  would  agree  not  to  make  any  charge  against 
her (They  all  look  at  him  in  great  surprise.) 

FINDLEY.    Then  you've  not  come  to  your  senses? 

GORDON.  (Crosses  to  FINDLEY,  who  is  R.,  stilly 
sitting)  Why  haven't  I? 

FINDLEY.  Not  if  you  still  believe  she's  inno 
cent. 

GORDON.  Believe  she's  innocent?  (Crossing  back 
to  his  position  R.  of  table  c. — facing  audience.)  I 
know  she's  innocent!  (All  jump  up  and  surround 
him.) 


98  THREE  WISE  FOOLS 

FTNDLEY.    Tell  us  what  you  mean,  "* 
Gordon  ? 

JUDGE.    Have  you  found  any  new   >  (Together) 
evidence? 

DOCTOR.    What  is  it  you've  heard  ?  _ 

FTNDLEY.    How  do  you  know?     (Pause.) 

GORDON.  I've  looked  into  her  eyes.  (All  groan 
and  resume  their  seats.) 

FINDLEY.  My  God !  (Sits  doimt  disgusted.  Af 
ter  a  pause)  Then  you've  seen  her,  have  you? 

GORDON.     Not  since  you  drove  her  away. 

FINDLEY.  (Losing  his  temper)  Now,  I  won't 
stand 

GORDON.  (Who  is  R.C.  of  table)  All  right,  sir. 
Not  since  she  left,  then — I  want  to  tell  you  some 
thing,  Uncle,  and  I'd  like  to  have  Dr.  Gaunt  and  the 
Judge  hear  it,  too.  (All  look  at  GORDON .)  I  don't 
know  whether  any  of  you  will  be  able  to  under 
stand  what  I  mean,  but* I  love  Sidney. 

JUDGE.  (Quietly)  "Why  should  you  think  that's 
hard  for  us  to  understand,  Gordon? 

GORDON.  Why,  you  all  seemed  so  darned  sur 
prised — (GORDON  crosses  to  L.  to  JUDGED — just  be 
cause  I  don't  jump  at  the  conclusion  that  Sidney's 
guilty  of  some  horrible  crime. 

JUDGE.  Gordon,  you  can't  imagine  that  we 
wanted  to  distrust  Sidney.  Why,  we  love  her,  too! 

GORDON.  Why,  Judge,  I  don't  think  you  know 
what  love  means.  (Bus.  of  all  three  looking  at  GOR 
DON.,) 

JUDGE.  Well,  perhaps  you  can  tell  us  what  it 
means,  Gordon? 

GORDON.  I  can  tell  you  what  it  means  to  me.  It 
means  there  isn't  any  use  of  anything  without  Sid 
ney.  It"  I've  got  to  lose  her,  I  don't  care  what  hap 
pens!  The  whole  world  just  stops  for  me — that's 
all !  Then  there's  another  thing  about  it  that's  worse 
still — much  worse.  (Turns  and  faces  FINDLEY  and 


99 

the  doctor.)  Sidney's  in  trouble,  whether  she's  inno 
cent  or  guilty,  or  good  or  bad,  or  whatever  she  is — 
she's  in  trouble  and  this  is  a  hell  of  a  time  to  stop 
and  bother  about  whether  she's  guilty  or  not ! 

JUDGE.  (Rises)  Gordon,  I'm  afraid  I  admire  you 
and  care  more  for  you  at  this  moment  than  T  ever 
did  before,  and  I'm  very  certain  that  I  envy  you! 

GORDON.  Why  is  it,  sir,  that  you  all  want  to  give 
Sidney  the  worst  of  it? 

FINDLEY.  (Rises,  after  regarding  GORDON  in  as 
tonishment  for  a  moment)  You  mean  to  say  you 
think  we've  been  giving  Sidney  the  worst  of  it? 

GORDON.    (Crossing  c.  to  FINDLEY  )    I  do,  yes. 

FINDLEY.    Perhaps  you  can  explain  how. 

GORDON.  Well,  I  can  try.  You.  say  a  criminal 
came  into  the  house  to  kill  the  Judge? 

FINDLEY.     Yes. 

GORDON.    Well,  why  didn't  he  do  it? 

FINDLEY.    Because  he  was  alarmed  by  the  police. 

GORDON.    Well,  who  alarmed  the  police? 

FINDLEY.     I  don't  know. 

GORDON.  Well,  if  you  cared  for  Sidney  as  much 
as  I  do,  you'd  have  found  out.  They  were  alarmed 
by  a  police  whistle ! 

FINDLEY.     "What?    (The  doctor  rises.) 

GORDON.  Someone  in  the  house  blew  a  police 
whistle. 

FINDLEY.    How  do  you  know? 

GORDON.  Poole'told  me.  Now,  none  of  the  serv 
ants  blew  it.  I've  asked  them  all.  And  unless  one 
of  you  three*  did,  it  must  have  been  Sidney.  Why, 
Judge,  you  owe  your  life  to  Sidney,  that's  what  I 
think!  (Crosses  to  JUDGE.) 

DR.  GAUNT.     Why,  this  is  amazing,  Gordon ! 

GORDON.  Then  there's  another  thing — you  surely 
wouldn't  want  to  have  Sidney  arrested  unless  she 
did  something  wrong.  Now  what  do  you  think  she's 


TOO  THREE   WISE    FOOLS 

done  ?  It's  certain  she  didn't  want  to  rob  you.  She 
even  left  the  pearls  here  that  you  gave  her.  It's 
certain  she  didn't  want  to  do  you  any  injury,  because 
she  alarmed  the  police,  and  there  was  no  reason  for 
her  to  do  you  any  wrong.  No  motive.  (Crossing 
back  to  FINDLEY,  who  is  c.R.j  Can't  you  see  that, 
Uncle? 

FINDLEY.  (Penitently — humbly — hands  on  GOR 
DON'S  shoulder)  Gordon,  is  there  anything  you  want 
us  to  do  for  you? 

GORDON.  (Quickly)  Yes.  sir,  I  don't  want  you 
to  make  any  charges  against  her,  so  that  they  won't 
take  her  to  jail. 

JUDGE.  I'm  afraid  that  won't  make  any  differ 
ence  if  Poole  finds  her. 

GORDON.  (Crossing  to  L. — to  JUDGED  Why,  Poole 
won't  have  her  arrested  unless  you  prefer  charges 
against  her. 

JUDGE.     What  ? 

GORDON.  Poole  believes  that  she  is  innocent ;  he's 
ready  to  swear  to  it. 

JUDGE.     What  makes  you  think  that? 
GORDON.    Because  I  had  a  heart-to-heart  talk  with 
him,  and   I   made  him  understand   that  if   Sidney 
doesn't  see  the  inside  of  a  jail  he's  going  to  be  a  very 
rich  man.     (Pause.) 

FINDLEY.    ( Crosses  up  stage  and  down)    Ah,  ha  ! 
GORDON.     At  first  he  thought  he  couldn't  let  her 
go,  but  after — (Hesitates) — after  we  came  to  an  un 
derstanding  he  said  he'd  have  her  brought  here,  and 
if  you  three  refuse  to  accuse  her,  he  would  let  her  go. 
JUDGE.     Did  you  say  you  hadn't  seen  Sidney? 
GORDON.    No,  sir,  I  wanted  to  go  with  Poole,  but 
when  I  found  her  fate  was  up  to  you  gentlemen,  I 
thought  it  was  best  to  come  back  and  talk  to  you. 

JUDGE.     Well,  you  needn't  worry  about  us,  Gor 
don  ;  we'll  do  everything  we  can  for  her. 
DR.  GAUNT.    Yes,  everything,  Gordon. 


THREE   WISE   FOOLS  101 

GORDON.     (With  great  relief)     You're  a  brick, 
sir.    You're  all  bricks — even  uncle. 

(Enter  DOUGLAS  door  R.C.J 
DOUGLAS.    Mr.  Poole —        (All  turn  quickly.) 

(PooLE   enters — all   three   men   crowd   about   hint. 
POOLE  crosses  down  R.C.     DOUGLAS  exits  door 

R.2.) 


(Together.) 


JUDGE.    Have  you  found  her? 

DR.  GAUNT.     Did  you  bring  her 
with  you  ? 

FINDLEY.     Where  is  she? 

POOLE.     She's  outside  in  the  car. 

FINDLEY.     What  car? 

POOLE.  (Indicating  GORDON)  This  gentleman's ; 
he  insisted  upon  my  using  it.  Swellest  ride  I  ever 
had,  sir. 

FINDLEY.  Well,  why  the  devil  did  you  leave  her 
outside  ? 

POOLE.  She  doesn't  want  to  come  in.  (They  look 
at  him  for  a  moment.) 

GORDON.     No  wonder. 

POOLE.  (Crossing  to  GORDON,  who  is  L.c.j  Your 
orders  were,  sir,  that  I  wasn't  to  force  her  to  do 
anything.  (To  GORDON,)  Could  you  get  them  to 
agree  not  to  prefer  any  charges,  sir? 

FINDLEY.  (Coming  up  to  him  hotly)  Well,  has 
anyone  around  here  preferred  charges? 

POOLE.  (Crossing  to  R.C.,  looking  at  him  in  sur 
prise)  Why,  I  thought — 

FINDLEY.  Oh,  you  thought — well,  we'd  have  less 
trouble  around  here  if  you'd  stop  thinking.  Now 
we're  not  making  any  charges  and  have  no  idea  of 
making  any  charges.  Is  that  clear  ? 

POOLE.     Yes,  sir. 


102  THREE   WISE    FOOLS 

FINDLEY.    Well,  then (Goes  upstage  to  c.) 

(DOUGLAS  enters — removes  chair  up  to  C.L.  .of  D.) 

DOUGLAS.  (To  POOLEJ  One  of  your  men,  sir. 
(PooLE  turns  up.) 

CLANCEY.  (Entering)  We  brought  him  over 
here,  Chief. 

POOLE.     Brought  who  over  here? 

CLANCEY.     (Surprised)     Benny  the  Duck. 

POOLE.    What  the  devil  did  you  do  that  for? 

CLANCEY.    Wasn't  those  your  orders? 

POOLE.     My  orders — no! 

CLANCEY.  Well,  that's  what  Grogan  told  us ;  to 
report  here  with  the  prisoner,  he  said. 

POOLE.  No — no,  what  I  told  Grogan  was  about 
the  young  lady — if  they  got  her  before  I  arrived.  I 
was  going  to  bring  her  here. 

CLANCEY.     Well,  he  didn't  tell  me  that. 

GORDON.  (Crosses  to  R.c.J  Can't  you  bring  that 
fellow  in  here,  Poole? 

POOLE.  Why,  yes,  sir.  Certainly,  anything  you 
say.  Go  get  him,  Clancey.  (Signals  CLANCEY,  who 
exits. ) 

GORDON.  (To  three  men)  Perhaps  we  can  get 
something  out  of  him  so  that  we  could  go  out  and 
apologize  to  Sidney.  She'd  want  to  come  in  then. 
Douglas,  tell  Saunders  that  Miss  Sidney — (Smile 
from  DOUGLAS,) — is  outside  in  my  car,  and  have  her 
go  out  and  keep  her  company. 

DOUGLAS.  (Face  lighting  up)  Yes,  sir.  .  (Exit 
quickly  D.R.  in  F.  CLANCEY  and  POLICEMAN  enter 
with  BENNY  between  them.  GORDON  and  the  three 
men  turn  and  look  at  him  curiously.) 

POOLE.  (Going  up  and  taking  BENNY'S  arm)  All 
right — I've  got  him.  (CLANCEY  and  POLICEMAN 
exit.  POOLE  takes  BENNY  down  stage.)  Come  over 
here,  Benny. 


THREE   WISE   FOOLS  103 

BENNY.     What  are  you  bringing  me  here  for? 

POOLE.  These  gentlemen  want  to  know  what  you 
did  when  you  came  here  to-night. 

BENNY.  You  won't  get  nothin'  out  of  me.  (Sud 
denly  sees  the  JUDGE,  j  That's  him — there's  the 

(Tries  to  go  for  the  JUDGE — a  general  movement.) 

POOLE.  (Tightening  his  hold  on  him)  None  of 
that — that  won't  get  you  anything!  Now  how'd 
you  make  a  get-away  ?  Come  on,  come  across ! 

BENNY.  No,  not  me — no,  not  a  word !  You  got 
me,  all  right,  but  I'm  the  only  one  you  got,  and  you 
can't  get  me  to  spill  anything — I'm  no  squealer,  do 
you  hear?  (He  has  worked  himself  up  to  a  frenzy 
and  shouts  the  last  line  to  POOLE. ) 

DR.  GAUNT.  Now,  just  a  moment — let  me  look 
at  this  man.  (Goes  to  BENNY,  who  is  down  R.IE.) 
It's  all  right,  Benny,  I'm  a  doctor. 

BENNY.     Huh ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  That's  better — just  look  at  me — 
don't  be  afraid.  We  want  to  help  you  if  we  can — 
that's  it — just  look  at  me  a  minute.  (Lifts  his  right 
eyelid.)  You're  not  as  strong  as  you  were. 

BENNY.     I'm  strong  enough. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Doesn't  it  hurt  you  there,  Benny — 
sometimes  ?  (Touches  the  back  of  his  neck.  BENNY 
winces.) 

BENNY.     Yes,  it  does. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Just  as  I  thought.  This  man  is 
sick,  Poole ;  he  ought  to  be  in  a  hospital ! 

BENNY.     No,  I'm  all  right. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Now,  Benny,  I'm  going  to  see  if  I 
can  help  you.  We  don't  want  you  to  say  anything 
that  would  incriminate  anyone  else,  we  just  want 
you  to  tell  us  why  you  broke  into  this  house. 

BENNY.  (Savagely)  I'll  tell  you  that !  It  was  to 
get  him!  (Points  to  JUDGE. )  That's  why  I  did! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Now,  now !  You  didn't  know  any 
one  else  in  this  house? 


104  THREE   WISE   FOOLS 

BENNY.     No. 

DR.  GAUNT.  And  you  didn't  see  anyone  in  here 
you  knew? 

BENNY.     (Glancing  about,  frightened)     No. 

( DOUGLAS* enters  hall  door,  comes  to  GORDON. ) 

DOUGLAS.  Saunders  is  bringing  Miss  Sidney  in, 
sir. 

FINDLEY.     Ah,  Sidney ! 

BENNY.  (Stares  about  wildly)  Take  me  out  of 
here !  (Imploringly  to  DR.  GAUNT. )  Make  them 
take  me  out  of  here,  will  you?  I'll  talk  to  you  if 
you  will.  I'll  tell  you  everything1 1  can. 

GORDON.  (Urgently)  Do,  Doctor,  please !  (Goes 
to  DOUGLAS.  DR.  GAUNT  goes  quickly  to  dining- 
room,  door.) 

DR.  GAUNT.    Bring-  him  in  here,  Poole. 

(PooLE,  going  up  quickly  with  BENNY,  exits,  fol 
lowed  by  DR.   GAUNT.  ) 

GORDON.  (Turns  to  DOUGLAS,)  Douglas,  a<4c  Miss 
Sidney  if  I  may  see  her  for  a  moment.  Tell  her 
it's  most  important. 

DOUGLAS.  Yes,  sir.  (Exits  in  hallway,  closing 
door.) 

GORDON.  Uncle,  will  you  and  the  Judge  go  in, 
too? 

FINDLEY.  What?  Oh!  Come  on,  Jimmy.  (He 
exits,  closing  both  doors  with  an  inquisitive  ear.) 

(GORDON  crosses  to  fireplace,  his  hand  clenched — 
Zi'alks  up  and  down  in  front  of  the  fireplace, 
keeping  his  eye  on  the  hall  door  R.,  which  DOUG 
LAS  re-opens  slowly,  and  SIDNEY  stands  on  the 
threshold.  DOUGLAS  closes  door.) 


THREE   WISE    FOOLS  105 

SIDNEY.    You  wanted  to  see  me? 

GORDON.    (Goes  c.  below  table)    Yes,  I  do. 

SIDNEY.  (Closes  door  and  goes  slowly  to  him — 
she  stands  facing  him.  GORDON  stands  motionless, 
looking  into  her  eyes.  After  a  pause — beginning  a 

sentence)  You — you've  heard  about  it (She 

can't  continue.) 

GORDON.    Yes 

SIDNEY.     Why  did  you  want  to  see  me? 

GORDON.  Sidney — I  want  to  ask  you  just  one 
question  ? 

SIDNEY.  (Turning  front  and  shaking  her  head) 
I  can't What  is  the  question? 

GORDON.     Will  you  marry  me? 

SIDNEY.  (After  a  long  pause — she  stands  per 
fectly  motionless,  looking  at  him,  then  her  face  lights 
up  a  little f  and  she  raises  her  hands  slightly  and  then 
lets  them  fall  to  her  sides;  she  then  speaks  in  a  little 
surprised  tone)  Why 

GORDON.  Because  I  love  you  and  want  you  to  be 
my  wife. 

SIDNEY.     Don't  you  know  that  I  wouldn't 

GORDON.     Sidney ! 

SIDNEY.  Gordon,  I  can't  tell  you  what  this  means 
for  you  to  ask  me  to.  You  said  to-nierht  that  you 
knew  that  I  loved  you — I  do — but  just  think — you're 
asking  a  woman  to  marry  you  who's  under  arrest ! 

GORDON.    Don't  talk  that  way,  Sidney. 

SIDNEY.    But  it's  true. 

GORDON.  But  it  isn't — that's  all  been  settled.  And 
they  realize  now  they  made  a  terrible  mistake. 

SIDNEY.    You  mean  that  I  am  free? 

GORDON.    Of  course. 

SIDNEY.  Gordon,  Mr.  Poole  told  me  that  you  had 
him  bring  me  here  and  that  you  were  trying  to 

GORDON.     Don't  speak  of  it,   Sidney. 

SIDNEY.     (Crosses  to  L.c.J     I  can't  thank  you. 


io6  THREE   WISE   FOOLS 

There  aren't  any  words.  I  can  only  love  you,  and  say 
good-bye. 

GORDON.  (Crossing  to  her)  But  where  are  you 
going  ? 

SIDNEY.  (Crossing  up  L.C.  toward  stairs)  Please 
don't  ask  me  that.  I've  got  something  to  do  that 
I  can't  tell  anyone  about. 

GORDON.  But  you  can  tell  me.  I  wouldn't  let 
anyone  know — I  wouldn't  breathe  it  to  a  soul. 

SIDNEY.     You  wouldn't? 

GORDON.  No,  and  I'm  sure  you're  doing  the  right 
thing,  Sidney.  I  know  I  would  be  doing  exactly  the 
same  thing  myself  if  I  only  knew  what  the  devil  it 
was. 

(DOUGLAS  knocks  at  door  R.2  entrance,  entering  im 
mediately.) 

DOUGLAS.  Excuse  me,  sir,  but  there's  a  man  here 
to  see  Mr.  Poole — he  says  it's  very  urgent. 

GORDON.     He's  in  there.    (Points  to  dining-room.) 

(DOUGLAS  goes  to  dining-room  door — opens  it — 
shoiving  all  three  men  at  the  door  in  listening 
attitude.  GORDON  crosses  to  door  L.2  entrance. 
At  entrance  of  FINDLEY,  GORDON  confused — 
exits  hurriedly,  followed  by  SIDNEY.  DOUG 
LAS  steps  back  apologetically.  JUDGE  and  the 
doctor  close  door  quickly.  Bus.  between  DOUG 
LAS  and  FINDLEY.  FINDLEY  tumbles  into  the 
room,  turns  quickly  to  go  out,  but  the  doctor 
and  JUDGE  have  quickly  closed  the  doors  in  his 
face.  SIDNEY  and  GORDON  have  gone  out  door 
L. — he  turns  finding  them  gone — then  turning 
R.,  discovers  DOUGLAS  standing  ill  at  ease.) 

$  FINDLEY.    (Bursting  with  wrath  as  he  finds  a  vic 
tim)    What  the  hell  do  you  mean  opening  that  door 


THREE    WISE    FOOLS  107 

without  knocking?  Don't  you  know  how  to  knock 
at  a  door  ?  Open  the  door  like  that  and  a  man  stand 
ing  right  there !  What  do  you  want,  anyway  ? 

DOUGLAS.     A  man  to  see  Mr.  Poole,  sir. 

FINDLEY.     One  of  his  men  ? 

DOUGLAS.    I  don't  know,  sir. 

FINDLEY.    Well,  tell  him  to  come  in  here. 

DOUGLAS.  Yes,  sir.  (DOUGLAS  opens  door  R.2 
entrance,  holds  it  open,  for  CRAWSHAY  to  enter.  As 
CRAWSHAY  enters,  DOUGLAS  closes  door  and  exits, 
CRAWSHAY  enters,  looking  about,  conies  down  R.C. 
FINDLEY  turns  and  sees  him.  FINDLEY  crossing  to 
CRAWSHAY,  who  is  R.C.) 

FINDLEY.  I  believe  you  wanted  to (Crosses 

in  front  of  table  c.  As  CRAWSHAY  recognizes  FIND- 
LEY  he  turns  front.  FINDLEY  half  recognises  CRAW 
SHAY,  stops  speaking;  goes  over  to  him;  he  comes 
down  close  in  order  to  see  his  face.)  John  Craw- 
shay — don't  you  remember  me,  Jack? 

CRAWSHAY.  Yes,  I'm  looking  for  a  man  named 
Poole.  (Pause.)  He's  a  detective.  They  told  me 
he's  in  here. 

FINDLEY.     What  do  you  want  with  Poole? 

CRAWSHAY.  There's  a  reward  out  for  me,  and  I 
want  him  to  get  it.  I  thought  if  he  did 

FINDLEY.  You  mean  you're  giving  yourself  up. 
Now  see  here — you  escaped  from  prison  with  "Benny 
the  Duck. 

CRAWSHAY.    Yes. 

FINDLEY.  I  want  you  to  tell  me  something,  Jack. 
Do  you  know  a  girl  named  Sidney  Fairchild? 

CRAWSHAY.    That's  why  I'm  here. 

FINDLEY.  (Quickly)  Tell  me  what  you  know 
about  her. 

CRAWSHAY.  I've  heard  she's  in  the  hands  of  the 
police,  and  I  know  she's  innocent.  I  brought  all  this 
trouble  on  her,  and  she's  innocent. 


io8  THREE  WISE   FOOLS 

FINDLEY.  (Pause)  How  did  you  come  to  know 
her? 

CRAWSHAY.  In  Atlanta.  They  were  showing  her 
through  the  prison,  and  she  stopped  and  talked  with 
me. 

FINDLEY.  And  did  she  talk  to  Benny  the  Duck, 
too? 

CRAWSHAY.  Yes ;  his  cell  was  next  to  mine,  and 
then  she  came  again ;  she  came  as  often  as  they'd 
allow  it  until  we  got  away. 

FINDLEY.  And  Sidney  knew  you  were  going  to 
escape  ? 

CRAWSHAY.  No,  we  didn't  know  it  ourselves  un 
til  that  night  when  the  chance  came. 

FINDLEY.  Then  how  did  she  find  you  were  in 
New  York? 

CRAWSHAY.  Benny  sent  her  word.  And  then 
she  came  here  and  she's  been  helping  us  ever  since. 
Why,  we'd  have  starved  if  it  hadn't  been  for  her. 
I  wish  to  God  we  had,  now.  Why,  she — oh,  but 
I'm  wasting  time.  Won't  you  let  me  see  Mr.  Poole  ? 

FINDLEY.    You  don't  need  to  see  him  now,  Jack. 

CRAWSHAY.  What  do  you  mean?  Tell  me  what 
you  mean? 

FINDLEY.  I  mean  Sidney's  free  and  none  of  the 
police  are  going  to  arrest  her  or  come  near  her,  I  can. 
promise  you  that. 

CRAWSHAY.     (With  great  relief)    Thank  God! 

FINDLEY.  But  why  didn't  she  tell  us?  (Crosses 
to  R.  corner)  Why  didn't  she  confide  in  us? 

CRAWSHAY.  How  could  she?  The  poor  girl  knew 
if  she  told  you  it  would  be  your  duty  to  notify  the 
authorities,  and  that  you  would  be  held  criminally 
responsible  if  you  didn't. 

FINDLEY.     That's  true. 

CRAWSHAY.    No,  don't  hold  that  against  her. 

FINDLEY.  Hold  it  against  her?  I'm  not  holding 
anything  against  her.  Why,  I'm  going  to  have  her 


THREE   WISE   FOOLS  109 

marry  my  nephew.  You  don't  think  I'd  do  that  if  I 
held  anything  against  her,  do  you? 

CRAWSHAY.  Your  nephew?  The  one  she  calls 
Gordon  ? 

FINDLEY.  That's  the  one.  And  I  can  tell  you 
that  he's  the — er — well,  never  mind  that.  Jack,  I 
never  did  believe  you  were  guilty,  never — and  that's 
a  fact.  Was  I  right? 

CRAWSHAY.  Yes.  I  was  not  guilty.  But  that's 
over  long  ago.  I  was  convicted ;  the  evidence  was 
conclusive;  there  were  the  notes  with  my  endorse 
ment.  I  was  helpless.  Why,  I 

(Dining-room  door  opens.  POOLE  enters  with 
BENNY.  DR.  GAUNT  and  JUDGE  follow  them  as 
they  come  on.  CRAWSHAY  pushes  FINDLEY 
firmly  away  and  steps  up  to  POOLE  quickly — who 
has  advanced  R.c.J 

BENNY.  (Seeing  CRAWSHAY  for  the  first  time, 
crosses  down  R.C.  FINDLEY  is  R.  corner,)  Governor ! 

CRAWSHAY.  (Crossing  to  R.c.J  Is  your  name 
Poole? 

POOLE.  (Who  is  R.C.,  after  glance  at  BENNY j 
That's  my  name. 

CRAWSHAY.  I  am  John  Crawshay,  and  I'm  ready 
to  go  with  you. 

BENNY.  Oh,  Governor,  what  are  you  doing? 
You're  crazy  !  They  couldn't  have  got  you.  I  didn't 
squeal,  and  she's  all  right.  They've  got  nothing  on 
her  at  all ;  they  told  me  so. 

CRAWSHAY.  (Quickly)  Stop,  Bennie !  Don't  say 
any  more! 

BENNY.  Yes,  I  will.  I'll  say  everything  now.  It 
will  kill  her  if  you  are  sent  up  again!  It  will  kill 
her! 

DR.  GAUNT.    What  do  you  mean,  Benny? 


no  THREE    WISE    EOOLS 

BENNY.  I'll  tell  you  what  I  mean.  He's  her 
father,  Doc! 

CRAWSHAY.     Benny • 

BENNY.  Oh,  you  can't  stop  me  now!  He's  her 
father,  and  it  will  kill  her  if  he  goes  back ! 

POOLE.  (Takes  BENNY  by  arm)  That  will  do, 
Benny ! 

BENNY.  (Hesitating)  No,  no,  wait  a  minute! 
Will  you  lend  me  your  pencil,  Doc? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Taking  fountain-pen  from  his 
pocket)  Will  this  do? 

BENNY.  Yes,  that's  better.  Can  I  sit  down  there 
a  minute?  (Indicates  card-table.) 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Places  chair  behind  table  c.)  All 
right,  Poole.  (Signals  POOLE  to  allow  BENNY  to  sit 
at  card-table  c.  BENNY  takes  pen,  pauses,  thinking 
hard  for  a  moment,  then  picks  up  one  of  the  playing 
cards,  makes  a  few  marks  on  it,  throzvs  it  away; 
takes  another  card  and  writes  for  a  moment  very 
slowly;  all  watch  him  curiously;  he  finishes  writing, 
rises,  hands  pen  to  doctor  and,  indicating  CRAWSHAY, 
speaks.) 

BENNY.  Show  him  that,  will  you?  (He  hands 
the  doctor  the  card.) 

(DR.  GAUNT  looks  at  the  card  blankly,  crosses  to  R. 
of  c.  and  hands  it  to  CRAWSHAY,  who  glances 
at  it;  starts  slightly;  then  his  face  slowly  ex 
presses  amazement;  after  a  pause.) 

FINDLEY.     What  is  it.  Jack? 

CRAWSHAY.  (In  low  tone,  handing  card  to  FINI> 
LEYJ  My  signature. 

POOLE.  (Who  has  taken  card  and  looked  at  it) 
Well,  I'm  damned! 

BENNY.  Now  you  know  it  all,  Governor.  Now 
you  know  what  I've  been  keeping  from  you  ever 


THREE   WISE   FOOLS  in 

since  I  first  met  you  in  the  pen.     (FINDLEY  crosses 
to  BENNY,  R.C.)     Yes,  it  was  me. 

(GORDON  enters  from  library.) 
GORDON.    Oh,  I  say,  Uncle 

(  FINDLEY  crosses  up  R.C.,  sees  GORDON,  crosses  up 
to  stairs  L.) 

FINDLEY.  Just  a  minute,  Gordon.  (GORDON  closes 
library  door  quietly,  stands  staring  at  them.)  Bet 
ter  go  in  the  hall,  Dick. 

GORDON.  (Off  stage)  Wait,  Sidney.  (GORDON 
exits  through  library.  DR.  GAUNT  goes  to  hall  door 
and  opens  it.  FINDLEY  comes  to  CRAWSHAY.) 

DR.  GAUNT.    Will  you  step  out  here,  Poole? 

(  FINDLEY  crosses  to  window  R.,  then  up  to  c.R.J 
FINDLEY.    (To  CRAWSHAY)    She's  in  there. 

(Exit  BENNY,  followed  by  POOLE.     Door  R.2  en 
trance.) 

CRAWSHAY.  Don't  let  her  see  Benny  and  me  if 
you  can  help  it,  please. 

JUDGE.  (Crossing  from  c.  to  R.C.  to  CRAWSHAY — 
offers  hand)  Mr.  Crawshay,  I  am  Judge  Trumbull. 

CRAWSHAY.     (Bus.  of  shaking  hands)     Yes! 

JUDGE.  I  want  you  to  feel  that  I'm  entirely  at 
your  service,  and  I  assure  you  that  your  case  will  be 
reopened  at  once.  (Sees  that  POOLE  has  made  an 

exit.)  Oh,  Mr.  Poole (Exit  door  R.2  entrance. 

Re-enter  GORDON  from  library  L.3  entrance.) 

GORDON.     Oh,  Uncle! 

CRAWSHAY.    (Crosses  up  and  starts  for  right  U.E.; 


ii2  THREE    WISE    FOOLS 

turns,  sees  GORDON — to  FINDLEY j     Teddy,  is  that 
Gordon  ? 

FINDLEY.      (Proudly)     Yes,  that's   Gordon! 

(CRAWSHAY  looks  at  GORDON  fixedly  for  a  moment, 
then  smiles  and  suddenly  exits  out  the  hall  door, 
R.2  entrance.  GORDON  comes  downstairs  from 
library  to  c.) 

GORDON.  Wh — who's  that,  Uncle?  (FINDLEY 
crosses  down  centre.) 

FINDLEY.  An  escaped  convict  named  John  Craw- 
shay.  (Pause — look. ) 

GORDON.  (Astonished)  Crawshay,  what's  he  do 
ing  here? 

FINDLEY.     He's  given  himself  over  to  the  police. 

GORDON.  (Looks  at  his  uncle  dumbfounded — 
speaks  deliberately)  Good  heavens! 

FINDLEY.     What's  the  matter? 

GORDON.  I  can't  tell  you ;  I've  given  my  word  I 
wouldn't. 

FINDLEY.  You  mean  you  can't  tell  me  he  is  Sid 
ney's  father? 

GORDON.     How  did  you  know? 

FINDLEY.  You're  not  the  only  one  around  here 
who  can  find  out  things. 

GORDON.  What  can  I  say  to  Sidney,  Uncle?  How 
can  I  break  the  news  to  her? 

FINDLEY.  I'm  surprised  that  such  a  brilliant  fel 
low  as  you  are  would  come  to  me  for  any  advice ! 

GORDON.  Oh,  don't  joke  about  it,  uncle?  If  you 
knew  how  that  girl  has  been  trying — what  she's  been 
doing — and  there  isn't  anybody  in  the  world  like  her. 
It's  awful  to  have  to  tell  her  the  police  have  got 
him !  (Crosses  upstage  left  c. — crosses  down  stage 
left  cj  It's  awful! 

FINDLEY.     Well,  how  would  you  like  to  tell  her 


THREE   WISE   FOOLS  113 

that  he's  not  guilty?  And  that  he'll  be  a  free  man 
before  the  month  is  out? 

GORDON.    Oh,  I'd  be  willing  to  die  to  tell  her  that! 

FINDLEY.  Go  do  it,  then.  I  mean  tell  her — never 
mind  about  dying  just  yet. 

GORDON.    You  mean  it?    You  really  mean  it? 

FINDLEY.  Every  word  of  it.  We've  just  had 
positive  proof  and  the  Judge  has  taken  his  case  and 
is  out  there  going  over  it  with  him  now.  And  if 
you  don't  know  what  that  means,  I  do! 

GORDON.  (With  a  little  sob)  Uncle (He 

dives  for  his  uncle  and  hugs  him  violently.  FIND- 
LEY  is  greatly  surprised  and  embarrassed — is  just 
about  to  embrace  GORDON.J 

FINDLEY.     Here,  what  the  Hell  are  you  doing! 

GORDON.  (Recoiling  from  him,  very  confused) 
Damned  if  I  know!  (Exits  quickly  door  L.2  en 
trance.)  Oh,  Sidney,  Sidney 

(Enter  JUDGE  and  DR.  GAUNT.  JUDGE  crosses  to 
FINDLEY,  who  has  crossed  to  L.C.  DR.  GAUNT 
follows  him.  FINDLEY  sees  them  and  subsides.) 

FTNDLEY.     What  have  you  done,  Jimmy? 

JUDGE.  (Crossing  to  FINDLEY,)  He's  gone  with 
Poole.  It  will  only  be  a  matter  of  a  few  days. 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes,  that's  all,  and  we're  all  going 
to  take  a  long —  (Suddenly  sobering.) 

FINDLEY.     What's  the  matter? 

DR.  GAUNT.  What  are  we  going  to  say  to  Sid 
ney? 

FINDLEY.     (Dismayed)     Oh,  my  God! 

DR.  GAUNT.    She  ought  to  be  told,  of  course. 

FINDLEY.     Don't  worry — she's  being  told ! 

JUDGE.     Where  is  she? 

FINDLEY.     In  there. 

JUDGE.  (Sitting  on  ottoman  in  front  of  table  L. — 
FINDLEY  sits  on  chair  L.  of  ottoman — DR.  GAUNT 


ii4  THREE   WISE    FOOLS 

takes  chair  and  places  it  R.  of  JUDGE — sits.)  We 
ought  to  be  ashamed  of  ourselves. 

FINDLEY.  We  ought  to  he?  You  should  be 
ashamed  of  yourself.  It  was  all  that  damn  buckle 
business ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  Jimmy,  you  should  have  had  more 
sense. 

JUDGE.  Well,  it  was  your  threatening  her  with 
the  police.  That's  what  did  it. 

DR.  GAUNT.     You  scared  her  out  of  the  house. 

(All  three  rise  in  argument.  GORDON  enters  door 
L.2,  sees  them  in  argument,  beckons  to  SIDNEY 
to  enter.  She  does  so — rushes  down  to  cease 
argument.) 

FINDLEY.  I  scared  her  out  of  the  house?  The 
trouble  ?  It  was  your  ruts  and  buttercups  that  drove 
her  out  of  the  house ! 

DR.  GAUNT.  I  was  the  only  one  that  was  good 
to  that  girl.  (Ad  lib,  by  Three  Wise  Men  until  SID 
NEY  comes  down  and  places  arms  about  all  of  them — 
all  together.) 

ALL.  Sidney !  (They  resume  their  seats.  SID 
NEY  kneels  un'th  back  to  audience.) 

DR.  GAUNT.    Everything  is  all  right,  Sidney. 

FINDLEY.  Yes,  your  father  will  be  with  you  again 
soon. 

DR.  GAUNT.    He'll  be  with  us  all  again  soon. 

JUDGE.  And  you  won't  worry.  Sidney,  and  just 
leave  everything  to  me?  (She  rises,  creeps  into* 
JUDGE'S  lap  and  hugs  him.)  That's  right! 

DR.  GAUNT.  And  you're  going  to  forgive  us,  Sid 
ney  ? 

SIDNEY.  (Looking  at  the  three  of  them)  For 
give  you? 

DR.  GAUNT.  Yes,  we  didn't  mean  any  harm. 
We're  just  three  humiliated  old  fools. 


THREE   WISE   FOOLS  115 

SIDNEY.  (Glancing  at  the  doctor,  placing  hand 
upon  his  head)  But  you're  not  old — no — really, 
you're  not. 

FINDLEY.  But  you  don't  contradict  us  about 
being  fools. 

(GORDON  crosses  down  from  door  L.2  entrance  to 
L.I  entrance,  with  back  to  audience,  watching 
SIDNEY.  JUDGE  sees  him.) 

JUDGE.  And  you're  going  to  forgive  us,  too,  Gor 
don? 

GORDON.  Not  if  you  keep  Sidney  on  your  lap 
much  longer.  (He  comes  to  trio,  extends  his  hand 
and  takes  SIDNEY  to  fireplace.)  I  say,  can't  we  cele 
brate  some  way? 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Clapping  his  hand  gaily — rises, 
takes  chair,  placing  it  R.C.  of  table.)  Celebrate! 
That's  the  thing  to  do. 

(  FINDLEY  crosses  down  L.  corner,  back  to  audience. 
JUDGE  is  L.C.,  back  to  audience.  Bell  rings  off 
stage  L.C.,  one  stroke.  Folding  door  opens  c. 
GRAY  enters  with  big  bandage  around  his  head; 
he  is  in  dressing-gown,  carrying  tray,  on  which 
are  three  tall  tumblers  of  hot  water  and  three 
large  apples  on  plates.) 

DR.  GAUNT.     Gray 

GRAY.     (Solemnly)    It's  bedtime,  gentlemen. 

JUDGE.  He  comes  like  fate  to  put  us  to  bed.  (Takes 
his  chair  and  places  it  up  L.  of  c.  door.) 

GRAY.     (L.C.)     Your  apples  and  hot  water. 

DR.  GAUNT.  (Throwing  up  his  hands)  I  sur 
render,  Teddy !  Ha,  ha !  (Laughs  ruefully.)  We 
can't  escape  our  ruts.  (Goes  over  and  takes  his  glass 
and  apple  and  crosses  upstairs  to  the  library  door.) 

JUDGE.    (Who  comes  down  L.  of  GRAY,  takes  his 


n6  THREE   WISE    FOOLS 

apple  and  hot  rvater)  We  don't  want  to  escape  them, 
only  there  was  something  lacking  before.  (Indicat 
ing  SIDNEY  and  GORDON,  crosses  up,  following  the 
doctor,  stands  on  first  step  of  stairs  leading  to  li 
brary.) 

FINDLEY.  (Crosses  up  to  GRAY,  takes  his  cup  of 
hot  water  and  apple,  faces  SIDNEY  and  GORDON. 
GORDON  in  the  meantime  has  taken  pearl  necklace 
from  his  pocket  and  fastens  about  SIDNEY'S  neck.) 
By  jove,  that's  so,  Dick !  We  can  stick  to  our  ruts 
and  at  the  same  time  we  can  roll  among  your  butter 
cups ! 

(The  Three  Wise  Fools  start  humming  the  march 
song  from  "Faust" ' ;  they  go  up  the  stairs,  waving 
their  apples  and  tumblers  to  the  young  lovers, 
singing  their  soldier  chorus.  GRAY  starts  to 
exit  through  sliding  doors  c.  GORDON  and  SID 
NEY  smile  at  them  as  they  go  through  the  door.) 


CURTAIN 


PROPERTY  LIST  OF  "THREE  WISE  FOOLS'" 
ACT    I 

I  small  green  covered  card-table. 

(On  table,  a  double  pack  of  miniature  playing 
cards,  one  large  pack  of  playing  cards,  one  box 
safety  matches,  one  silver  ash  tray.) 

i  cigar  for  Mr.  Findley. 

i  small  stand  R.  of  c. 

i  chair  behind  table  c. 

i  settee  R.IE. 

i   sofa  L.IE. 

i  table,  4  ft.  6  inches,  set  left. 

(On  table,  medical  journals,  one  standing  lamp, 
ten  newspapers,  four  magazines,  one  cigarette  box, 
one  ash  tray.) 

i  desk  telephone  on  table  L. 

i  family  album  on  same. 

I  table  and  four  chairs  in  dining-room,  off  c.  arch. 

(On  table,  white  table  spread,  fern  dish  in  c.) 

(OFF  STAGE  LEFT  FOR  GRAY) 

i  small  carafe  of  water. 
i  medicine  bottle  with  cork, 
i  graduating  glass. 
i  glass  spoon. 

1  tray. 

(OFF  STAGE  FOR  MRS.  SAUNDERS  LEFT) 

2  small  notebooks. 

117 


ii8  THREE    WISE    FOOLS 

(OFF  STAGE  FOR  GRAY  RIGHT) 

i  tray  with  coffee-pot,  two  cups,  two  saucers,  two 
spoons  and  two  lumps  of  sugar  on  each  saucer. 

(OFF  STAGE  R.) 

i  silver  server  with  card  on  same  (for  GRAY). 

i  police-whistle  (for  POOLE). 

i  chain  of  keys  on  ring  and  hook  (for  FINDLEY). 

i  official  envelope  and  letter  (for  FINDLEY). 

i  black  letter  wallet  for  letter  (for  FINDLEY). 

i  picture  of  Three  Old  Men  in  album. 

4  pictures  of  a  lady  in  album. 

i  letter  with  envelope — letter  written  on  wrap 
ping  paper,  also  will  (for  the  JUDGE). 

i  cheap  hand-bag. 

i  old  dress-suit  case. 

i  carpet  down  in  dining-room,  also  on  stage. 

I  set  of  curtains  on  poles  and  rings — window  R. 

I  kitchen  table  off  L.,  upper  entrance,  for  side 
props. 

1  kitchen  table  off  R.,  upper  entrance,   for  side 
props. 

2  candelabra  on  mantel  L.IE. 
i  police  whistle  (for  POOLE). 

I  chair  R.  of  c.  arch. 

i  chair  R.IE.,  also  one  chair  R.  of  D.,  R.2E. 

3  apples,  three  mugs  on  plates  on  tray  (for  GRAY). 

ACT    II 

i  ladies'  writing-desk  up  c.  to  R.  between  arch  and 
D.  in  flat. 

II  law  books  under  desk, 
i  typewriter  (on  desk). 

i  dainty  Sheritan  table  c.  downstage. 

4  chairs  about  same  c.  downstage. 


THREE   WISE   FOOLS  119 

20.  bouquets  of  flowers  in  twenty  vases  and  pots, 
i  paper  (list)  for  MRS.  SAUNDERS  on  table  L. 
i  birthday  cake  on  cake  dish,  candle  on  cake — off 
R.  upper  entrance. 
i  cake  knife  on  tray. 

(OFF  STAGE  c.  IN  DINING-ROOM— Back  c.) 

I  Adams  dining  table. 

4  dining  chairs  about  same. 

1  white  table  spread. 
4  napkins  on  table. 

4  plates,  four  knives,  four  forks. 

NOTE:  The  prop.'s  to  dress-table  in  dining-room 
in  Act  2  (Behind  closed  sliding  doors)  are  as  fol 
lows — 

2  consol  tables  R.  and  L.  of  window  in  dining- 
room,  silver  tray  on  each. 

4  napkins  (opened  as  if  used). 

4  candlesticks  (glass)  with  candles  in  same,  also 
four  shades  for  same. 

4  fancy  cut-glass  tumblers  (filled  with  water). 

4  fruit  or  ice  cream  dishes  on  glass  saucers. 

4  ice  cream  spoons  (on  same). 

i  gong  or  bar  to  strike  at  given  cue  (off  L.U.E.). 

T  muffled  beater  for  same  (for  man  who  watches 
clock). 

i  small  fancy  sugar  on  mantel,  L.  of  clock. 

i  tobacco  jar  (glass)  half  filled  with  tobacco  (on 
mantel  R.  of  clock). 

1  dark  glass  vase  (fancy)  filled  with  paper  light 
ers,  also  old  briar  pipe  with  same,  R.  of  clock  c.  on 
mantel. 

2  glass  vases   (with  large  bouquets  of  American 
Beauties  in  same  upon  mantel  L.IE.). 

2  glass  vases  (with  large  bouquets  of  American 
Beauties  in  same  upon  bookcase  R.  of  door  R.). 


120  THREE   WISE    FOOLS 

(OFF  STAGE  R.U.E.) 

i  bottle  port  wine. 

4  glasses  on  tray  (three  for  DOUGLAS). 

i   bunch   of   keys    (for   CLANCEY). 

i  tray  with  trick  coffee-pot  on  tray   (for  DOUG 
LAS). 

i  pair  of  pearl  beads  in  same  (for  DOUGLAS). 

i  pair  of  pearl  beads  (for  GORDON). 

4  cups,  four  saucers,  4  spoons,  one  coffee-pot — 
off  c. — to  L.  (for  DOUGLAS). 

12  white  handkerchiefs  (for  DOCTOR,  FINDLEY 
and  JUDGE). 

i  box  of  tobacco  (for  DOCTOR). 

i  lorgnette  (for  SIDNEY). 

T   fan  (for  SIDNEY). 

i  bunch  of  orchids  (for  SIDNEY). 

i  lady's  wrist  watch  in  case,  wrapped  in  paper, 
rubber  band  about  same  (for  GORDON). 

i  heavy  sand-bag — 150  Ibs. — on  step-ladder,  for 
effect,  off  R.U.E. 

i  revolver  (for  BENNY  THE  DUCK). 

i  medicine  case  off  R.  of  c.  (for  DOUGLAS). 

i  kitchen  chair  off  stairway,  L.  of  c.  (for  side 
props.). 

I  mirror  hung  off  stairway  L.  of  c.  (for  SIDNEY). 

i  pair  blue  satin  slippers  (for  JUDGE),  buckles 
on  same,  off  L.  of  c.  upstairs. 

ACT  I,  II,  III 

NOTE:  Wall  or  interior  decorations  for  set  are 
as  follows : 

i  oil  painting  (to  look  as  if  it  was  SIDNEY'S  mother, 
hanging  over  mantle  L.IE.). 

i  oil  painting  (hanging  in  hall  off  R.  of  c.). 

1  oil  painting  (hanging  over  D.R.  of  c.). 

2  small  old-fashioned  pictures  L.  of  D.R.  in  F. 


THREE   WISE   FOOLS  121 

i  picture  containing  wax  wreath  of  flowers,  L. 
in  F. 

i  bell-cord  hanging  L.  of  c.  arch. 

1  large  bouquet  of  American  Beauties,  with  long 
stems  (for  DOUGLAS)  for  opening  of  Act  2. 

2  large  potted  plants  R.  and  L.  of  table  down  c. 
(for  Act  2). 

i  large  potted  plant  on  stand  R.  of  c.  arch  (for 
Act  2). 

1  large  potted  plant  on  small  table  or  stand  (be 
tween  door  L.2  and  foot  of  stairs). 

2  large  bouquets  of  roses  on  table  c. 

i  large  bouquet  of  pink  roses  on  table  L. — Act  2. 

ACT    III 
UPSTAIRS  C.  OFF  L.   (FOR  MRS.  SAUNDERS) 

Sidney's  bag. 

Dress-suit  case. 

i  needle  and  thread. 

i  string  of  pearls,  separated  (for  FINDLEY). 

3  white    tumblers    in    holders    (for    GRAY),    off 
R.U.E. 

i  silver  tray,  three  napkins,  three  plates,  three 
large  red  apples,  three  mugs  of  hot  water,  same  as 
Act  i. 

i  bandage  (for  GRAY). 

i  large  cigar  (for  FINDLEY). 

i  box  matches  on  table  c. 


Comedy  in  2  acts,  by  Booth  Tarkington  and  Harry  Leon 
Wilson.  .5  males,  4  females.  1  Interior.  Costumes,  modern. 
Plays  2'/£  hours. 

Julian,  scion  of  the  blue-blooded  Castleburys,  falls  in  love  with 
Winsora  Tweedle,  daughter  of  the  oldest  family  in  a  Maine  village. 
The  Tweedles  esteem  the  name  because  it  has  been  rooted  in 
the  community  for  200  years,  and  they  look  down  on  "summei 
people"  with  the  vigor  that  oply  "summer  boarder"  communities 
know. 

The  Castleburys  are  aghast  at  the  possibility  of  a  match,  and 
call  on  the  Tweedles  to  urge  how  impossible  such  an  alliance  woukft 
be,  Mr.  Castlebury  laboriously  explains  the  barrier  of  social 
caste,  and  the  elder  Tweedle  takes  it  that  these  unimportant 
summer  folk  are  terrified  at  the  social  eminence  of  the  Tweedles. 

Tweedle  generously  agrees  to  eo-operate  with  the  Oastleburys 
to  prevent  the  match.  But  Wineora  brings  her  father  to  realize 
that  in  reality  the  Castleburys  look  upon  them  as  inferiors.  The 
old  man  is  infuriated,  and  threatens  vengeance,  but  is  checkmated 
•when  Julian  unearths  a  number  of  family  skeletons  and  argues 
that  father  isn't  a  Tweedle,  since  the  blood  has  been  so  diluted 
tfvat  little  remains.  Also,  Winsora  takes  the  matter  into  her  own 
hands  and  outfaces  the  old  man.  So  the  youngsters  go  forth 
triumphant.  "Tweedles"  is  Booth  Tarkington  at  his  best. 
(Boyalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cents. 


JUST  SUPPOSE 

A  whimsical  comedy  in  3  acts,  by  A.  E.  Thomas,  author 
of  "Her  Husband's  Wife,"  "Come  Out  of  the  Kitchen," 
etc.  6  males,  2  females.  1  interior,  1  exterior.  Costumes, 
modern.  Plays  2%  hours. 

It  was  rumored  that  during  his  last  visit  the  Prince  of  Wales 
Appeared  for  a  brief  spell  under  an  assumed  name  somewhere  in. 
Virginia.  It  is  on  this  story  that  A.  E.  Thomas  based  "Just 
Suppose."  The  theme  is  handled  in  an  original  manner.  Linda 
Lee  Stafford  meets  cue  George  Shipley  (in  reality  is  the  Prince 
of  Wales).  It  is  a  case  of  love  at  first  sight,  but,  alas,  princes 
cannot  select  their  mates  and  thereby  hangs  a  tale  which  Mr. 
Thomas  has  woven  with  infinite  charm.  The  atmosphere  of  the 
South  with  its  chivalry  dominates  the  story,  touching  in  its 
sentiment  and  lightened  here  and  there  with  delightful  comedy. 
"Just  Suppose"  scored  a  big  hit  at  the  Henry  Miller  Theatre, 
New  York,  with  Patricia  Collinge.  (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.) 

Price,  75  Cents. 

SAMTJBL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  City 
How  and  ExvHcit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request 


THE 
CABBAGE   PATCH 

Dramatization  in  3  acts,  by  Anne  Crawford  Flexner  from 
the  novel  by  Alice  Hegan  Rice.  15  males,  11  females. 

1  interior,  1  exterior.    Costumes  modern  and  rustic.    Plays 
a  full  evening. 

A  capital  dramatization  of  the  ever-beloved  Mrs.  Wiggs  and 
Tier  friends,  people  who  have  entered  the  hearts  and  minds  of  a 
cation.  Mrs.  Schultz  and  Lovey  Mary,  the  pessimistic  Miss  Hazy 
and  tbe  others  need  no  new  introduction.  Here  is  characteriza 
tion,  humor,  pathos,  and  what  is  best  and  most  appealing  in 
modern  American  life.  The  amateur  acting  rights  are  reserved 
lor  the  present  in  all  cities  and  towns  where  there  are  stock 
companies.  Royalty  will  be  quoted  on  application  for  those  cities 
•nd  towns  where  it  may  be  presented  by  amateurs. 

Price,  76  Cents. 

THE   FOUR-FLUSHER 

Comedy  in  3  acts.    By  Czesar  Dunn.     8  males,  5  females. 

2  interiors.    Modern  costumes.     Plays  2*4  hours. 

A  eomedy  of  hustling  American  youth,  "The  Four-Flusher"  it 
one  of  those  clean  and  bright  plays  which  reveal  the  most  appeal 
ing  characteristics  of  our  native  types.  Here  is  an  amusing  story 
of  a  young  shoe  clerk  who  through  cleverness,  personality,  and 
plenty  of  wholesom«  faith  in  himself,  becomes  a  millionaire.  The 
play  is  best  described  ae  "breezy."  It  is  full  of  human  touches, 
And  develops  a  most  interesting  story.  It  may  be  whole-heartedly 
recommended  to  high  schools.  (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.) 

Price,  75  Cents. 

PALS  FIRST 

Comedy  in  a  prologue  and  3  acts.  By  Lee  Wilson  Dodd. 
8  males,  3  females.  1  interior,  1  exterior.  Modern  cos 
tumes.  Plays  2%  hours. 

Based  on  the  successful  novel  of  the  same  name  by  F.  P. 
Elliott,  "Pals  First"  is  a  decidedly  picturesque  mystery  play. 
Danny  and  the  Dominie,  a  pair  of  tramps,  enter  a  mansion  and 
persuade  the  servants  and  friends  that  they  belong  there.  They 
are  not  altogether  wrong,  though  it  requires  the  intervention  of 
s  Judge,  two  detectives,  a  villain  and  an  attractive  girl  to  un 
tangle  the  complications.  A  most  ingenious  play,  well  adapted 
to  performance  by  high  schools  and  colleges.  (Royalty,  twenty- 
five  dollars,)  Price,  75  Centp. 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  City 
Vow  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Request 


NOT  SO  LON^TAGO 

Comedy  in  a  Prologue,  3  acts,  and  Epilogue.  By  Arthur 
Eiehman.  5  males,  7  females.  2  interiors,  1  exterior. 
Costumes,  1876.  Plays  a  full  evening. 

Arthur  Riehman  has  constructed  his  play  around  the  Cinderella 
legend.  The  playwright  has  shown  great  wisdom  in  his  choice 
of  material,  for  he  has  cleverly  crossed  the  Cinderella  theme 
with  a  strain  of  Romeo  and  Juliet.  Mr.  Riehman  places  his 
young  lovers  in  the  picturesque  New  York  of  forty  years  ago. 
This  time  Cinderella  is  a  seamstress  in  tile  home  of  a  social 
climber,  who  may  have  been  the  first  of  her  kind,  though  we 
doubt  it.  She  is  interested  sentimentally  in  the  son  of  this  house. 
Her  father,  learning  of  her  infatuation  for  the  young  man  without 
learning  also  that  it  is  imaginary  on  the  young  girl's  part,  starts 
out  to  discover  his  intentions.  He  is  a  poor  inventor.  The 
mother  of  the  youth,  ambitious  chiefly  for  her  children,  shud 
ders  at  the  thought  of  marriage  for  her  son  with  a  sewing-girl. 
But  the  Prince  contrives  to  put  the  slipper  on  the  right  foot,  and 
the  end  is  happiness.  The  play  is  quaint  and  agreeable  and  the 
three  acts  are  rich  in  the  charm  of  love  and  youth.  (Royalty, 
twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cents. 


THE  LOTTERY   MAN 

Comedy  in  3  acts,  by  Rida  Johnson  Young.  4  males, 
5  females.  3  easy  interiors.  Costumes,  modern.  Plays 
2J/4  hours. 

In  "The  Lottery  Man"  Rida  Johnson  Young  has  seized  upon 
a  custom  of  some  newspapers  to  increase  their  circulation  by 
clever  schemes.  Mrs.  Young  has  made  the  central  figure  in  her 
famous  comedy  a  newspaper  reporter,  Jack  Wright.  "Wright  owes 
his  employer  money,  and  ho  agrees  to  turn  in  one  of  the  most 
sensational  scoops  the  paper  has  ever  known.  His  idea  is  to 
conduct  a  lottery,  with  himself  as  the  prize.  The  lottery  is  an 
nounced.  Thousands  of  old  maids  buy  coupons.  Meantime  Wright 
falls  in  love  with  a  charming  girl.  Naturally  he  fears  that  he 
may  be  won  by  someone  else  and  starts  to  get  as  many  tickets 
CHS  his  limited  means  will  permit.  Finally  the  last  day  is  an 
nounced.  The  winning  number  is  1323,  and  is  held  by  Lizzie. 
an  old  maid,  in  the  household  of  the  newspaper  owner.  Lizzie 
lefuses  to  give  up.  It  is  discovered,  however,  that  she  has  stolen, 
the  ticket.  With  this  clue,  the  reporter  threatens  her  with  arrest. 
Of  course  the  coupon  is  surrendered  and  Wright  gets  the  girl  of 
his  choice.  Produced  at  the  Bijou  Theater,  New  York,  with 
great  success.  (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cents. 

SAJMTJEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  City 
New  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on 


NOTHING   BUT^THE   TRUTH 

Comedy  in  3  acts.  By  James  Montgomery.  5  males, 
6  females.  Modern  costumes.  2  interiors.  Plays  2%  hours. 

Is  it  possible  to  tell  the  absolute  truth — even  for  twenty-four 
hours?  It  is- — at  least  Bob  Bennett,  the  hero  of  "Nothing  but 
the  Truth,"  accomplished  the  feat.  The  bet  he  made  with  his 
partners,  his  friends,  and  his  fiancee — these  are  the  incidents  in 
William  Collier's  tremendous  comedy  hit.  "Nothing  but  the 
TVuth"  can  be  whole-heartedly  recommended  as  one  of  the  most 
sprightly,  amusing  and  popular  comedies  of  which  this  country 
can  boast.  (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cents. 

SEVENTEEN 

A  comedy  of  youth,  in  4  acts.  By  Booth  Tarkington. 
8  males,  6  females.  1  exterior,  2  interior  scenes.  Costumes, 
modern.  Plays  2^  hours. 

It  is  the  tragedy  of  William  Sylvanus  Baxter  that  he  has  ceased 
to  be  sixteen  and  is  not  yot  eighteen.  Baby,  child,  boy,  youth 
and  grown-up  are  definite  phenomena.  The  world  knows  them  and 
has  learned  to  put  up  with  them.  Seventeen  is  not  an  age,  it  is  a 
disease.  In  its  turbulent  bosom  the  leavings  of  a  boy  are  at  war 
•with  the  beginnings  of  a  man. 

In  his  heart,  William  Sylvanus  Baxter  knows  all  the  tortures 
and  delights  of  love ;  he  is  capable  of  any  of  the  heroisms  of  his 
heroic  sex.  But  he  is  still  sent  on  the  most  humiliating  errands 
by  his  mother,  and  depends  upon  his  father  for  the  last  nickel 
of  spending  money. 

Silly  Bill  fell  in  love  with  Lolo,  the  Baby-Talk  Lady,  a  vapid 
if  amiable  little  flirt.  To  woo  her  in  a  manner  worthy  of  himself 
(and  incidentally  of  her)  he  stole  his  father's  evening  clothes. 
When  his  wooings  became  a  nuisance  to  the  neighborhood,  his 
mother  stole  the  clothes  back,  and  had  them  altered  to  fit  the 
middle-aged  form  of  her  husband,  thereby  keeping  William  at 
home  in  the  evening. 

But  when  it  came  to  the  Baby-Talk  Lady's  good-bye  dance,  not 
to  be  present  was  unendurable.  How  William  Sylvanus  again 
got  the  dress  suit,  and  how  as  he  was  wearing  it  at  the  party  the 
negro  servant,  Genesis,  disclosed  the  fact  that  the  proud  garment 
•vra*  in  reality  his  father's,  are  some  of  the  elements  in  this 
charming  comedy  of  youth. 

"Seventeen"  is  a  story  of  youth,  love  and  summer  time.  It  in 
B  work  of  exquisite  human  sympathy  and  delicious  humor.  Pro 
duced  by  Stuart  Walker  at  the  Booth  Theatre,  New  York,  it  en 
joyed  a  run  of  four  years  in  New  York  and  on  the  road.  Strongly 
recommended  for  High  School  production.  (Royalty,  twenty-five? 
dollars.)  Price,  75  OentSs 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  City 
Vvw  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on 


KICK  IN 


in  4  acts.    By  Willard  Mack.    7  males,  5  females. 
2  interiors.     Modern  costumes.     Plays  2%  hours. 

"Kiek  In"  is  the  latest  of  the  very  few  available  mystery 
plays.  Like  "Within  the  Law,"  "Seven  Keys  to  Baldpate, 
"The  Thirteenth  Chair,"  and  "In  the  Next  Room,"  it  is  on* 
of  those  thrillers  which  are  accurately  described  as  '  'not  having 
a  dull  moment  in  it  from  beginning  to  end."  It  is  a  play  with 
all  the  ingredients  of  popularity,  not  at  all  difficult  to  set  or  to 
act ;  the  plot  carries  it  along,  and  the  situations  are  built  with 
that  skill  and  knowledge  of  the  theatre  for  which  Willard  Mack 
is  known.  An  ideal  mystery  melodrama,  for  high  schools  and 
colleges.  (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cents. 


TILLY  OF   BLOOMSBURY 

("  Happy -Go-Lucky. ")  A  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  Ian 
Hay.  9  males,  7  females.  2  interior  scenes.  Modern 
dress.  Plays  a  full  evening. 

Into  an  aristocratic  family  comes  Tilly,  lovable  and  youthful, 
with  ideas  and  manners  which  greatly  upset  the  circle.  Tilly 
is  so  frankly  honest  that  she  makes  no  secret  of  her  tre 
mendous  affection  for  the  young  son  of  the  fa^nily;  this  brings  her 
into  many  difficulties.  But  her  troubles  have  a  joyous  end  in 
charmingly  blended  scenes  of  sentiment  and  humor.  This  comedy 
presents  an  opportunity  for  fine  acting,  handsome  stage  settings, 
•nd  beautiful  costuming.  (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.) 

Price,  75  Cents, 


BILLY 

Parce-comedy  in  3  acts.  By  George  Cameron.  10  males, 
5  females.  (A  few  minor  male  parts  can  be  doubled,  mak 
ing  the  cast  7  males,  5  females.)  1  exterior.  Costumes, 
modern.  Plays  2}£  hours. 

The  action  of  the  play  takes  place  on  the  S.  8.  "Florida," 
bound  for  Havana.  The  story  has  10  do  with  the  disappearance  of 
a  set  of  false  teeth,  which  creates  endless  complications  among 
passengers  and  crew,  and  furnishes  two  and  a  quarter  hours  of 
Hie  heartiest  laughter.  One  of  the  funniest  comedies  produced  in 
the  last  dozen  years  on  the  American  stage  is  "Billy"  (some 
times  called  "Billy's  Tombstones"),  in  which  the  l»te  Sidney 
Drew  achieved  a  hit  in  New  York  and  later  toured  the  country 
several  times.  (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cents. 

SAMUEL  FBENOH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  Otty 
Vew  and  Explicit  DeacripUM  Catalogue  Dialled  Tree  on  Ke%TMrt 


COME  OUT  OF  THE  KITCHEN 

A  charming  comedy  in  3  acts.  Adapted  by  A.  E.  Thomas 
from  the  story  of  the  same  name  by  Alice  Duer  Miller. 
6  males,  5  females.  3  interior  scenes.  Costumes,  modern. 
Plays  2%  hours. 

The  story  of  "Come  Out  of  the  Kitchen"  is  written  around  a 
Virginia  family  of  the  old  aristocracy,  by  the  name  of  Dainger- 
fleld,  who,  finding  themselves  temporarily  embarrassed,  decide  to 
rent  their  magnificent  home  to  a  rich  Yankee.  One  of  the  con 
ditions  of  the  lease  by  the  well-to-do  New  Englander  stipulates 
that  a  competent  staff  of  white  servants  should  be  engaged  for 
his  sojourn  at  the  stately  home.  This  servant  question  presents 
practically  insurmountable  difficulties,  and  one  of  the  daughter^ 
of  the  family  conceives  the  mad-cap  idea  that  she,  her  sister  and 
their  two  brothers  shall  act  as  the  domestic  staff  for  the  wealthy 
Yankee.  Olivia  Daingerfield,  who  is  the  ringleader  in  the  merry 
scheme,  adopts  the  cognomen  of  Jane  Allen,  and  elects  to  preside 
over  the  destinies  of  the  kitchen.  Her  sister,  Elizabeth,  is  ap 
pointed  housemaid.  Her  elder  brother,  Paul,  is  the  butler,  and 
Charley,  the  youngest  of  the  group,  is  appointed  to  the  position  of 
bootboy.  When  Burton  Crane  arrives  from  the  North,  accom 
panied  by  Mrs.  Faulkner,  her  daughter,  and  Crane's  attorney, 
Tucker,  they  find  the  staff  of  servants  to  possess  so  many  methods 
of  behavior  out  of  the  ordinary  that  amusing  complications  begin 
to  arise  immediately?  Olivia's  charm  and  beauty  impress  Crane 
sbove  everything  else,  and  the  merry  story  continues  through  a 
maze  of  delightful  incidents  until  the  real  identity  of  the  heroine 
is  finally  disclosed.  But  not  until  Crane  has  professed  his  love 
for  his  charming  cook,  and  the  play  ends  with  the  brightest 
prospects  of  happiness  for  these  two  young  people.  "Come  Out 
of  the  Kitchen,"  with  Ruth  Chatterton  in  the  leading  r61e,  made 
a  notable  success  on  its  production  by  Henry  Miller  at  the  Cohan 
Theatre,  New  York.  It  was  also  a  great  success  at  the  Strand 
Theatre,  London.  A  most  ingenious  and  entertaining  comedy, 
and  we  strongly  recommend  it  for  amateur  production.  (Royalty, 
twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cent*, 

GOING   SOME 

Play  in  4  acts.  By  Paul  Armstrong  and  Kex  Beach. 
12  males,  4  females.  2  exteriors,  1  interior.  Costumes, 
modern  and  cowboy.  Plays  a  full  evening. 

Described  by  the  authors  as  the  "chronicle  of  a  certain  lot  of 
college  men  and  girls,  with  a  tragic  strain  of  phonograph  and 
cowboys."  A  rollicking  good  story,  full  of  action,  atmosphere, 
comedy  and  drama,  redolent  of  the  adventurous  spirit  of  youth. 
(Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Cents. 


FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  York  City 
Vew  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Mailed  Free  on  Eeqaert 


A     000126544     6 


ARE  YOU,  A  MASONV 

in  3   acts.     By  Leo  Ditrichstein.     7  males,  t  fc 
Modern  costumes.    Plays  21/4  hours.    1  interior. 

"Are  Yon  a  Mason?*'  is  one  of  those  delightful  farces  lib,' 
''Charley's  Aunt"  that  are  always  fresh.  "A  mother  and  £-, 
daughter, "  says  the  critie  of  the  New  York  Herald,  "had  hu» 
>»nds  who  account  for  absences  from  the  joint  household  m, 
frequent  evenings,  falsely  pretending  to  be  Masons.  The  men- 
do  not  know  each  other's  duplicity,  and  each  tells  his  wife  of 
having  advanced  to  leadership  in  his  lodge.  The  older  womar 
•was  so  well  pleased  with  her  husband's  supposed  distinction  IK 
the  order  that  she  made  him  promise  to  put  up  the-  name  of  i 
•Visiting  friend  for  membership.  Further  perplexity  over  th« 
principal  liar  arose  when  a  suitor  for  his  second  daughter's  ban: 
proved  to  be  s  real  Mason.  ...  To  tell  the  story  of  the  play 
•would  require  volumes,  its  complications  are  so  numerous.  It  it 
a  house  of  cards.  One  card  wrongly  placed  and  the  whole  thin* 
would  collapse.  But  it  stands,  an  example  of  remarkable  m> 
Cenuity.  You  wonder  at  the  end  of  the  first  act  how  the  fas- 
can  be  kept  up  on  such  a  slender  foundation.  But  it  continue1 
and  grows  to  the  last  curtain."  One  of  the  most  hilariously 
amusing  farces  ever  written,  especially  suited  to  schools  an* 
Masonic  Lodges,  (Royalty,  twenty -five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Ceatt 


KEMPY 

A  delightful  comedy  in  3  acts.  By  -3,  CL  Nugent  an£ 
Elliott  Nugent.  4  males,  4  females.  Ij.  interior  throughout, 
Costumes,  modern.  Plays  2%  hours. 

No  wonder  "Kempy"  0.0,8  been  such  a  tremendous  hit  in  Nev 
Tork,  Chicago — wherever  it  has  played.  It  snaps  with  wit  an* 
humor  of  the  most  delightful  kind.  It's  electric.  It's  smalt- 
town  folk  perfectly  pictured.  Full,.' of  types  of  varied  sorts,  eac$ '. 
one  done  to  a  turn  and  served  with  zestful  sauce.  An  idea 
entertainment  for  amusement  purposes.  The  story  is  about  a  higt. 
talutin'  daughter  who  in  a  fit  of  pique  marries  the  young  plumber 
architect,  who  comes  to  fix  the  water  pipes,  just  because  be 
"understands"  her,  having  read  her  book  and  having  sworn  **> 
marry  the  authoress.  But  in  that  story  lies  all  the  humor  th*5 
kept  the  audience  laughing  every  second  of  every  act.  Of  court* 
there  are  lots  of  ramifications,  each  of  which  bears  its  own  brand 
of  laughter-making  potentials.  But  the  plot  and  the  story  am 
vot  the  main  thing*.  There  is,  for  instance,  the  work  of  tik 
company.  The  fun  growing  oat  of  this  family  mixup  is  lively  an* 
dean.  (Royalty,  twenty-five  dollars.)  Price,  75  Gen** 


SAMUEL  FRENCH,  25  West  45th  Street,  New  Tork  City 
New  and  Explicit  Descriptive  Catalogue  Hailed  Free  on  Bequeo* 


FRENCH'S 
Standard  Library  Edition 


George   M.    Cohan 
Wincfaoll    Smith 
Booth    Tarkington 
WUHara   Gillette 
Frrnk   Craven 
Owen    Davis 
Austin    Strong 
A.   A.  Milne 
Harriet  Ford 
Paul  Green 
James   Montgomery 
Arthur    Richman 
Philip  Barry 
George   Middteton 
Claanning    Pollock 
George    Kauiman 
Martin   Flavin 
Victor  Mapes 
Kate  Douglas  Wiggin 
'Rida   Johnson    Young; 
Margaret    Mayo 
Roi  Cooper  Megrue 
Jtean  Webster 
George    Broadhurst 
Ut-orge  Hobart 
Frederick  S.    Isham 
Fred    Ballard 
Pwcy   MacKaye 
WUlard   Mack 
Jerome  K.  Jerome 
R.  C.  Carton 
William  Gary   Duncan 
Sir  Arthur  Conan  Doyle 


Includes  Plays  by 

Augustus   Thomas 
Rachel  Crothers 
W.   W.  Jacobs 
Ernest   Denny 
Kenyou   Nicholson 
Aaron    Hoffman 
H.  V.  Esmond 
Edgar  Selwyn 
Laurence   Honsuum 
Israel   Zangwill 
Waiter  Hackett 
A.  E.  Thomas 
Edna   Ferber 
John  Henry   Mears 
Mark  Swan 
John    B.   StapletoH 
Frederick    Lonsdale 
Bryon   Ongley 
Rex   Beach 
Paul  Armstrong 
H.  A.   Du  Souehe* 
George   Ade 
J.  Hartley  Manners 
Barry    Conner* 
Edith  Ellis 
Harold    Brighouse 
Harvay    J.    O'Higgias 
Clare   Kummer 
James  Forbes 
William    C.    DeMill« 
Thompson   Buchanan 
C.    Haddon    Chambers 
Richard  Harding  Davis 


George   Kelly 
Louis  N.  Parker 
Anthony   Hope 
Lewis  Beach 
Guy   Bolton 
Edward    E.    Rose 
Mare  Connelly 
Frederick 
Lynn   Starling 
Clyde  Fitch 
Earl   Derr   Bigger* 
Thomas   BroadbHrst 
Charles   Klein 
Bayard   Veiller 
Grace   L.   Furniss 
Martha    Morton 
Robert   Housum 
Carlisle  Moore 
Salisbury    Field 
Leo  Dietrlchstein 
Harry  James  Smitta 
Eden  Phillpotts 
Brandon   Tynan 
Clayton    Hamilton 
Edward  Sheldon 
Richard  Ganthony 
Julie   Lippman 
Paul   Dickey 
Frank  Bacon 
Edward  Paulton 
Adelaide   Matthews 
A.  E.  W.   Mason 
Cosmo  Gordon-Lennox 


Catherine  Chisholm  Gushing  J.  C.  and  Elliott  Nugent 
Edward  Child*  Carpenter  Justin  Huntley  McCarthy 
Madeline  Lucette  Ryley  Josephine  Preston  Peabody 

French's    International    Copyrighted    Edition    contains    plays,    comedies 

•ad  farces  of  international  reputation;  also  recent  professional  snec*«sw« 

by    famous    American    and    English    Authors. 


SAMUEL  FRENCH 

Oldest    Play    Publisher    in    the    World 
West   45th    Street,  NEW    YORK    CITY 


